I felt the thud- -Ing. 9

on first glance I thought it read 'lousy river' Which I liked! Nice. 7

WOW! That's powerful stuff! 10 and that's the only 10 worth it I've seen so far.

we've all been there once

Unsurprisingly, you were ranked low by everyone this poem's about. By which I mean not me, since I'm giving you a 10.

Wrong. 4.

I like it but feel after 2 readings that there is a small suggestion....add the word time after night in 8th line...flow would be smoother

"Forever beckoned beyond the mists. But lost, between the worlds adrift." - this is the weakest part. Fix that up. Some of the antiquated diction might stand to be toned down, even for what you're trying to do. 9.

You're getting it. I like 'the blood never lets.' Way to turn a phrase.

hell with those zeroes...this is a great, right-at-your-face and honest piece of poetry. No need for fancy word!

What made this pome interesting to me was the hint at the end that the poetry was beginning to become important in and of itself to the narrator. This aspect could be greatly enhanced by ending something along the lines of so I finished it and and banged her and then while she was smoking I had another look at it and saw where I needed to change a line.

It's quite close to something good but it's kept back a bit, i think, by some of the rhymes and that last part where disguise is repeated - somehow gets difficult there. I'd say worth re-working a bit.

A good synthesis and gently embedded rhymes - but I can't decide if it's too long or too short...

Actually, this is quite good for the most part. "Flood the land with gentle take over" is not. I can do without "forlornly" and "little" in this context. I think it's still deserving of a nine though - nice job.

Make sure you're aware that richa, zodiac & I aren't saying the pome is bad because it's about sadism. On the contrary -- for me at least -- the dynamic you (unwittingly?) describe in the first verses is nicely set forth (except maybe for S.3 L.2). It's just that the last word invalidates the whole thing. Change it to satisfaction, or pleasure, or even desire & it's an 8 or maybe a 9 for me.

Doesn't anyone else think this poem is silly, ironic, and bitingly satirical of practically everyone here?

Ace! Sadly my poemes don't seem to have a similar effect. Can you imagine the look on a woman's face after watching a grown man humiliating himself in public, openly performing lewd acts before a disgusted crowd, laughing madly, and smearing himself violently against the cobbles? Well double that and you might begin to understand what happened during my rendition of "Wipe Before You Weep" at the Cambridge University Women's Embroidery Discussion Group. -10-

Not very good.

needing to make some changes....

hmmmn