irishfolksuicide
on Keeper of Faces by annabellee
9 Feb 2004, 10:28 AM
The end is trite. The idea that yes there is a meaning to life is one which you can not adequately defend.
The rest of it is quite good, zippy.
Took me a couple reads to appreciate it, but I like it.
My main hesitation was the many prepositional phrases - having said that, I really want the first line to be:
"After this season of ice is over" - see, another prep phrase, but it seems to flow better, imho.
My ear keeps wanting "warm" to be an adverb, rather than a noun - but somehow it works (as is often the case).
And I'd prefer some specific types of tree and wine and weed.
But, after a few reads, the idea of it convinces me - its a good perspective. Good enough to build a snowman out of -8-
A stupendous challenge to idiots everywhere.
11. Acceptance into the raunchnpaunch kingdome that is Jeremi P Handrinos.
Genius...I mean Genesis.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
9 Feb 2004, 12:36 PM
Some people wear glasses.
what exactly is a custard cream, anyway?
Wondrously fetching.
1. Squelch rubber on your unibike.
2. Flip off Mrs. BOddington and her poodle
3. Get the New York times.
4. Clean the bottom of the bird cage
5. Break dance.
6. Watch Flash Dance.
7. Call Kevin Bacon's agent
8. Eat a hot pocket
9. Skim the top of the pool
10.Buy a bucket of Chicken and sit on it.
Well-researched.
Aptly named.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
9 Feb 2004, 1:14 PM
Good use of these before fireballs.
I don't believe in segregation. I couldn't finish it.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
9 Feb 2004, 1:18 PM
Hi.
maybe i'm just too in-the-gutter, but "a one-eyed king" feels a bit too phallic
otherwise, i like the yin/yang of it
and i really dig the word play (sorted/sordid)
Thank you for your input.
a strong one.
"in the limp light
of a grey March dawning"
rocks.
Beardtard
-2-