Too much focus on rhyme, not enough on content.

Just to clear things up, the first verse is not a quote, I would have credited a quote. The marks were just to signify an outside voice.

I like this one.

I think "you" in the first verse and "he" in the second and beyond are the same boy, now grown, but it's confusing. I would stick with "you" all the way through. You have some good images of passage here, and some cliche's - blue lagoon, the depth of a mother’s heart. Somehow "shallows of my heart" is contradictory to the theme.

'uninhibited by social normatives' somehow does not belong in a poem. couldn't you get him to drink your beauty first? you've started smoking? infantile roses?

Nice flow and image. Is it important that we do not know who the 'he' is until the last few verses?

i wrote this because sometimes i feel like i get lost im my dreams, both good and bad.

the picture it paints for me is that the government is racist, and the high flying leaders are looking down upon people and laughing at them

Like I can read korean and symbols on my wrists and the idea of poison from a mercury thermometer. A couple of picks: No real need for 'I wonder if this site has spoiled me' the symbolism works without. Don't really understand how this follows on: 'Instead of dancing, Getting drunk and throwing up, There are imaginists.'

hey tiff this is really good! a lot of times i get bored really fast and can't even read it, but it really held my attention. good job!

it's got a good foundation, but I got a little lost.

I would call this free verse, since the rules for sonnets are rather strict. Good start, and keep dreaming.

is poetry.com a scam? I've been hearing it is.. and I've been hearing it isn't .. which is it?!

Spongebob would be proud.

Some nice sentiments for Bob, but for those of us who don't know either of you, it comes accross plain, lacking intrigue and interest. That should be "I have drawn."

Do you have a band, or is it just you on stage? I'm genuinely curious, and can't tell from the reviews I've read. I wish I could hear your 'material' but I lack all kinds of capability on my home computer and don't have speakers or mp3/wav players on my work computer. If you send me a CD for free, though, I'll let you keep the rest of the standard fan pack, including official Jeremi B denim-jacket patch, sunvisor, and signed glossy head-shot (I mean glossy shot, not glossy... never mind.) Also, do you ever come to the East Coast, or is it just the Strip and such? Really, I'm actually interested. -10-

yet time has not forgotten, soft cotton

Well done! I feel her part, the connection to her mean father through (you?) Surely not. But you say "my face" so I guess so. A great portrayal of so many women who seek their abusive fathers in their lovers.

when im 80, ill prolly sit by the beach on mornings and feast myself with the sight of sultry lifeboatmen.. ;) hey man, missed you!

fuck you man the physical plane rules!!!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!! PHYSICAL PLANE ALL THE WAY IN 04 - YEEAH!!!!