A highway collision of racist, ignorant, and poor affectation of an indeterminate accent so boring that no one, in fact, slows to watch. To appear more stupid in a single post, you'd have to actually somehow make my monitor drool.

Personally, I dislike cancer being used as a metaphor, especially for something like time because to me, the two things are entirely different. But this is hardly a constructive criticism. The final line isn't poetic but the sentiment could go very far and the couplet structure is probably the best form for it. Excellent start but as yet I consider it a bit of a rough gem.

I've thought of doing the line breaks like you have - it does make for a good flow, doesn't it.

Yep, thats a keeper.

I can appreciate the wordplay with the el sounds and the low sounds. Good consistent imagery; nice.

hey, how bout a couple line breaks?

'A partner for the race'?

I know exactly how that feels.

I think its more of a lyric than a freeverse, emotion beautifully Displayed and easily absorbed.

The image on the 'don't slip' just doesn't seem to fit right. Maybe an Aliteration to Humpty Dumpty would work better, I love the end point.

Childish Longing, followed by Adult Realization. The first few stanza's(Thanks Zodiac for making that happen) Seemed a tad pouty and rather brat like, but the last few show true wisdom. -10-

I have to ask... Are all your love poemes about horus8?

HEY, wCRYSTALw! HAVE A GOOGLE CLICHE COUNT - DELUXE EDITION*!! ~***~ Each number in parentheses represents the number of google hits returned for the phrase immediately preceding it. As a special DELUXE EDITION bonus, I've included the term +'poetry' with every search - to weed out, I don't know, census reports and such. No, it's not scientific, but I think it'll give you a pretty good idea of how much shame you should be feeling at the moment for being a COLLEGE GRADUATE who writes like this. Ready? Here we go!! ~***~ Perhaps I ought to fight this dream (6) Of having you forever (100) Let it die (1,580) Put it on a shelf (190) And swear I don’t want you (16,900) Maybe it really isn’t You (67) That I want anyhow (5) I could just want this meta-relationship Want the want (61) [want] I have for you (2) All of this frustration (12) builds and builds And manifests itself As (50) volumes of rough, unfinished poetry (141) Uneaten meals (16), hours of depression (40), thoughts of giving up (28) Late night conversations (429) expressing desires yet unfulfilled (1) Music takes me away (17) Someone else’s songs (57); their lyrics and instruments Playing over and over (776) For somehow…when I listen Your sweet scent fills the air (4) and your touch warms my skin (1) I know not why (2,610) You are the perfect one (22) I ought to question myself (823) Convince myself that (2,840) this is fleeting (37) My efforts are in vain (49) Total Shame Index: 26,864

I like the way it sounds..."you rolled by like a slow freight train" I like the tone and feeling of the poem. Its a bit simple for though the poem its self is a deep metaphor..I almost wish it was longer but I still think its great!!

I wasn't sure if I liked this poem very much until I saw that it was a pimple...So in that case it fits perfectly well done

Hell yes

All too many "all"s ... zodiac, you're starting to scare me.

Me wander? should be "I and Jesus and Joan..." and whats with martyr-dom? did you paste it from dictionary.com, by any chance?

so sad.

Love it