Dan garcia-Black
on some deleted poem
24 Apr 2004, 2:00 AM
My city is Frost's woods and pastures. Thanks for listening to my god. DgB
eenteresting...
You got a ten already? Count me in.
second stanza has some fresher language in it, but somehow its like spending a day with grandma and getting a half dollar on the way out.
I'm giving you a seven in the hopes that the 8 syllable line was intentional.
Cuz, well - that would be funny.
A telling tale told well.
i believe i recognize this from live journal... (in case you'd remember me i was decidedly_duffy and was doing the 100 poems thing on lj the same time as you)...
so anyway. i love this one. esp. the last bit. makes me smile. and am happy to see you again!
sarah
omg - this is long. I'll need some time to digest this... a couple weeks should do it.
I can't imagine anyone too tall to leap.
How does that work?
is there a missing word in the next to last line?
I think your search for alliteration and rhyme put a slight, likely unintentional, comedic twist to the thing.
It is difficult to take such a thing seriously when it rhymes too conveniently.
The only examples I can think of involve war.
A good exercise - writing this stuff will help you to write the things people want to read.
AABBCC... rhyming is maddening - it really is.
That last line made me think of Frost, and then I had a hard time thinking of anything else.
very interesting... i like it
I bet you wish you were an elf. Yeah, that would be so cool, wouldn't it, to be an elf? But what if everyone else was an elf too? No, that wouldn't be as good. God, you're pathetic.
"too late, too late"....
yawn
last line is perfect...do to plain and simple stupidity....Genius! Unfortunately, the rest of it is endlessly unbearable drivel, and it is only 9 lines long. Well...Here goes the spin...5
HOly shit that is horrible...it is so bad that it is good. 10