Goal is quite a harsh, clinical choice of word. Heart or mind - daffodyls? Heart and mind is a problem. Humans only have a heart and a mind (possibly). So the reader is lead to believe it is the voice of the narrator. Other than that cute.

short sweet and powerful

powerful and full of emotion. solid structure that gives me a strong sense of breaks and the intended rhythm...peace mike ps: if you didnt know, im the dude who IMed you earlier

i really like this one. solid topic and powerful portrayal of your feelings. once again, powerful structure to set the rhythm and speed of the poem...keep it up...peace mike

The daffodil line was a nice surprise. Seems you'll get a concensus regarding the ending.

First two stanzas quite lovely and precisely made. The last does not work for me. I really hope you are able to bring it full circle somehow.

Some line breaks might help this.

A preamble. To what?

So much text to wade through; lots of telling, no line breaks... Let the words do some of the work (give us both a break). I'm afraid I must too sound harsh.

Hey Mike - Give this a shot as a poem. I don't mean that in a sarcastic way. Allow yourself half the lines, and a third the words.

This is a good story, fairly well told, a little choppy for a poem, lines too long, still worth the effort. "Ducking outside to hide from their antics"

Right off I don't like "passes by" - is there some other way to let me know you like being around this person? Some way to express that frustration when they bail so I can feel it instead of acknowledging it? Maybe it being a lyric gets you off the hook from being poetic? I hope not.

I find it fascinating that you posted this piece "She Searches for Love" almost simultaneously with "He Hunts for Meaning." The parallels in the titles, if nothing else, beg someone to do a good feminist deconstruction on them, the result of which will inevitably be that your Woman-Searching-for-Love is daft, weak, and better off carried on her quest for love, which she believes is truth - while your Man-Hunting (nb-Hunting is something substantially different from searching) for Meaning (not Love) is self-sufficient, undaunted by hardship, and worshipped by women, especially "his friend," the object-not-subject of his search, who is mainly "confused" by his grandoise pronouncements, none of which are particularly deep. Ergo, men=great, women=suck. Which is fine if you're only trying to describe one particularly weak woman who you happen to know, but personally I wouldn't let you take my daughter anywhere in that tint-windowed van of yours.

The last line is crap. I mean, I'm reading your second-to-last line thinking, 'let my feet play "I love you"'??? What's he talking about? Does he have some novelty foot-piano? Is he playing an accordion with his toes? Oh, no, wait: here's more... Samuel Morse... Morse code! He's tapping it in Morse code! Mystery solved! That's what he must have meant by 'My feet are star drummers'! Anyway, I hope this is conveying to you exactly how overstated your central gimmick is, because it's - well, it's pretty overstated, that's all.

yep, that last bit falls apart pretty well. sweaty palms twice AND you tell me your nervous. pick one of the three please.

Eyelids clicking - not musical, no sound. I suppose they are "Taking countless photographs of your face" but if so, that line should be moved up. I think you should either do the music thing all the way or not at all.

Second verse is great!

I wasn't really sure how to end it, so that's why the third stanza doesn't really work right now. I wanted to see what people thought before I spent the time finishing it off and changing the ending.

"to[o] cold" quick - fix and repost.

nice title. fitting.