this is my first poem and i think it is a very good one. i know that is not very modest, but the neither is johnny dowd...or tom waits for that matter. now i know i'm no tom waits...but i aam the codeine kid!

It's hard to know who you're talking about at times. The child or the mother? "Her littler girl smiled at me With HER(whose, the little girls or the mother's?)green nose..." You were part of who's 'brief history'? The prepositionals at the end are terribly awkward, and what exactly is 'a rebirth of destiny'

Should it be '...smooth her...'(S5L3)? The more I read this the better it becomes. Especially S'3 & 4. Also "let her be a childlike", seems incorrect.

And here I thought your heart was square.

harsh... be sure to add your encouragement and critique to some of the others who have missed your insightfulness..

Yes, this does tickle my fancy. Nice write. Blessed with nine.

Smashin. Only one thing leaves me wondering: "Ignotum per ignotious" What exactly does that mean? I have no knowledge of latin. Other than that, blessed with ten.

Like the country you envoke here, your poem needs work, but it's good. Can't get into it now, I'm at work.

It has been a long since you posted, and you have come back with a vengeance. Exellent piece. Blessed with ten.

That is sort of.....Zappaesque?

See http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=71485. for my own view on the subject.

Y ain't there no '11' button on this vote-thang?

You got some long lashes, Brother. This one's good even sober.

It takes longer to heal the old wounds each time you open them.

I really like this hun :)

I realy love the idea of cleaning up the past and renewing past pain in the present. Excellent.

I have a suggestion and would you please do me the favor of taking it halfway seriously? The suggestion is this: write a poem in which something happens. It doesn't have to be something very big or important, just anything - some action from beginning to end. I'm not asking you to change your whole personal whatever, only to take a crack at it once and see how it feels. Yeah, thanks. -zodiac

I have a suggestion and would you please do me the totally undeserved favor of considering it halfway seriously? The suggestion is this: write a poem in which something happens. It doesn't have to be something very big or important, just anything - some action from beginning to end. A story, like. I'm not asking you to change your whole personal whatever it is people think is their whole personal thing here, only to take a crack at it once and see how it feels. Yeah, okay, thanks. -zodiac

I have an wacky way-out idea and would you please do me the honor of considering it even a quarter-way seriously, though I'm a complete stranger to you and have done nothing to merit such consideration? The idea is this: write a poem in which something happens. It doesn't have to be something very big or important, just anything - some action from beginning to end. Kind of a narrative, you could say. I'm not asking you to change your whole personal whatever, only to take a crack at it once and see how it feels. What's the worst thing that could happen? You could produce an awful, exactly-identical-to-everyone-else's poem, drawing the stinging ridicule of everybody on this site? Um. Yeah, thanks. -zodiac

I have a suggestion and would you please do me the favor of taking it halfway seriously? The suggestion is this: write a poem in which something happens. It shouldn't be something very big (i.e., death) or important (ibid.), just anything - some action from beginning to end. I'm not asking you to change your whole whatever, just take a crack at it and see if it feels better than being endlessly mocked for posting these same silly angst poems. What've you got to lose, really? Please, I'm being utterly serious right now, having just watched a very touching movie in which something very moving happened to a lonely man who didn't do - something I can't remember, or maybe didn't catch in the first place, since I was bawling childlike tears from the first scene on. Wait, that didn't come out right. I mean to say that I'm not such a monster as the people on this site would have you believe. I DO believe in constructive criticism, and this is it. If you want to improve your writing, you'll try my idea. Consider it an experiment - like broadening your horizons, or a homework assignment from a kindly science teacher whom you've secretly had a crush on all year. Thanks so much for reading this far. I look forward to seeing what you can do. -zodiac