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I love you (Free verse) by AskittlesK My days are passing before me
I'm feeling pain throught my veins.
I'm feeling remorse and out of control.
I'm not hanging onto my life anymore.
I'm losing my grasp on reality,
Until at one point I feel even worse,
Just when I'm about to give up all hope,
Something happens to me that seems to work.
I've got a new friend,who has felt like this before.
Who seems to read my mind, every time when I usually close the door.
I never thought anyone could read my mind like he can.
I thought I was going insane until I met you.
I don't know what I'd do without you,
I couldn't imagine going on without you here.
I'd be angry,
lost,
alone, sad and decaying...
Life would be bringing me down again,
I wouldn't want to live anymore.
It wouldn't be worth living if you weren't there, I love you
Up the ladder:
How things should be...
Down the ladder:
A Fabrication
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Posted: May 27, 2004 9:24 PM PDT; Last modified: May 27, 2004 9:24 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9602656 Overall Rank: 8669 Comments:
Funny...
I have a poem with the exactsame title. such ciche'ness... -_-; 153 view(s)
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Please, I'm being utterly serious right now, having just watched a very touching movie in which something very moving happened to a lonely man who didn't do - something I can't remember, or maybe didn't catch in the first place, since I was bawling childlike tears from the first scene on.
Wait, that didn't come out right. I mean to say that I'm not such a monster as the people on this site would have you believe. I DO believe in constructive criticism, and this is it. If you want to improve your writing, you'll try my idea. Consider it an experiment - like broadening your horizons, or a homework assignment from a kindly science teacher whom you've secretly had a crush on all year. Thanks so much for reading this far. I look forward to seeing what you can do. -zodiac
I don't really know what you are getting at.. Saying that you have just watched a movie that made you cry, and it was very touching.. then its not important? you said It shouldn't be something important.. All of my poems feel big to me... they are important.. and I'm not trying to make it seem like "silly angst"...
Now, by "important events" I mean
- someone (especially the main character) dies. Do not include any death, which is still a pretty rare event in our country, (though if your only source of information was poemranker poetry, you'd think practically nothing else happened here.) EXCEPTION: If he or she dies from being shot by a desert-town posse, then it's okay;
- the narrator/main character wounds him or herself, or someone else;
- the narrator/main character realizes that giving the precious gift of his/her virtue to some complete loser was a bad idea;
- the narrator screams at anyone or thing, especially parents, exes, and silence;
- the narrator cries;
- the narrator approaches a metaphorical void or mirror.
Certainly, other things - interesting things! important things! - have to happen in your life besides these. You have to have a normal day at school; you have to go on vacation, or to the bathroom, or down the street.
I'm don't want to give you any more ideas about what some interesting events may be, because I'd like to see what you think of by yourself. But I'm tremendously excited that you've not simply screamed me off your poem. If you don't mind, I'm taking that for a sign that you're considering my suggestion. Excellent! Please, please do give it a shot! Maybe it would help if you thought of writing a poem as something like putting on a play: it's not enough that there's an idea and meaning, etc., there's got to be action to keep us in the audience watching. (NB-don't write your poem like an actual play, that's just a metaphor.) Um. Okay. Thanks - zodiac.