Poemranker [Replying] Fri Nov 22 00:42:26 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

My days are passing before me I'm feeling pain throught my veins. I'm feeling remorse and out of control. I'm not hanging onto my life anymore. I'm losing my grasp on reality, Until at one point I feel even worse, Just when I'm about to give up all hope, Something happens to me that seems to work. I've got a new friend,who has felt like this before. Who seems to read my mind, every time when I usually close the door. I never thought anyone could read my mind like he can. I thought I was going insane until I met you. I don't know what I'd do without you, I couldn't imagine going on without you here. I'd be angry, lost, alone, sad and decaying... Life would be bringing me down again, I wouldn't want to live anymore. It wouldn't be worth living if you weren't there, I love you

zodiac

28-May-04/8:29 PM

I'm not saying it seems like "silly angst" to you. Of course not. And I'm certainly not denying that your poems feel big to you. That's not my point. My suggestion is totally about formatting - about putting the things in your poem into interesting contexts, like you're telling a story, rather than merely blathering about how you feel. You see how that would be more interesting to a reader than the blather? Okay!

Now, by "important events" I mean

- someone (especially the main character) dies. Do not include any death, which is still a pretty rare event in our country, (though if your only source of information was poemranker poetry, you'd think practically nothing else happened here.) EXCEPTION: If he or she dies from being shot by a desert-town posse, then it's okay;

- the narrator/main character wounds him or herself, or someone else;

- the narrator/main character realizes that giving the precious gift of his/her virtue to some complete loser was a bad idea;

- the narrator screams at anyone or thing, especially parents, exes, and silence;

- the narrator cries;

- the narrator approaches a metaphorical void or mirror.

Certainly, other things - interesting things! important things! - have to happen in your life besides these. You have to have a normal day at school; you have to go on vacation, or to the bathroom, or down the street.

I'm don't want to give you any more ideas about what some interesting events may be, because I'd like to see what you think of by yourself. But I'm tremendously excited that you've not simply screamed me off your poem. If you don't mind, I'm taking that for a sign that you're considering my suggestion. Excellent! Please, please do give it a shot! Maybe it would help if you thought of writing a poem as something like putting on a play: it's not enough that there's an idea and meaning, etc., there's got to be action to keep us in the audience watching. (NB-don't write your poem like an actual play, that's just a metaphor.) Um. Okay. Thanks - zodiac.

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