replying on Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT
13 Mar 2004, 12:23 PM
Yours is better, but too hurried. Does that make sense?
on Eris, my blade, the accurst villanelle by SupremeDreamer
13 Mar 2004, 12:22 PM
Several of these lines are short syllables - 2, 5, and 7, to begin with. And do you mean for us to read "cursed" the -=Dark_Angel=- way, or the one-syllable way? You have both.
replying on Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT
13 Mar 2004, 11:43 AM
She talks quietly with
the elderly couple,
seeming healthy except
for her rubberized hands:
Small bendable fingers,
look alikes,
no fancy prosthetics,
stainless hooks, or
muscle triggers.
It took both of her hands
to manouevre, the fork
just to pick
a single beet slice.
I watched her a little
longer than I should have,
maybe, until a waiter
appeared beside me
clutching the bill
in a white glove.
the elderly couple,
seeming healthy except
for her rubberized hands:
Small bendable fingers,
look alikes,
no fancy prosthetics,
stainless hooks, or
muscle triggers.
It took both of her hands
to manouevre, the fork
just to pick
a single beet slice.
I watched her a little
longer than I should have,
maybe, until a waiter
appeared beside me
clutching the bill
in a white glove.
on Sometimes it Hurts... by mindsigns
13 Mar 2004, 7:26 AM
I have a funny feeling you started writing this as a non-rhyming poem and ended up by just making amateurish couplets, which makes this poem the epitome of hackness times two for being inconsistent. If you actually did mean for 'blows' to rhyme with 'clothes', 'mind' to go with 'wine', and 'lie' and 'night' to have some association, then please ignore pretty much all of the foregoing and congratulations on some really clever writing. Oh, and this poem could really benefit from being properly punctuated and capitalized and from having some cliches (like the last line) de-cliched.
From "What's in a name? SLATER" (http://www.genuki.org.uk/big/eng/DBY/Na
"Are you called SLATER? This is an occupational name and in most cases will have referred to a man who made roofs. The caveat 'most cases' indicates that families with Scots connections and especially if they retain the old spelling 'Sclater' may derive their name from Kirkwall, Orphir or Sanday (Orkneys). There, the use of nicknames prevailed and in this case would have been conferred upon a member of the community who was thought to be sly or cunning. It was derived from the Old Norse 'slottigr' and the earliest example dates from 1492 in the person of Adam Sclater of Orkney.
The name is now usually spelled 'Slater' but 'Sclater' is not infrequent in the north of England and in Scotland where the spelling 'Sklater' was still in use in 1823."
Still no Greeks. Nor Mexicans.
"Are you called SLATER? This is an occupational name and in most cases will have referred to a man who made roofs. The caveat 'most cases' indicates that families with Scots connections and especially if they retain the old spelling 'Sclater' may derive their name from Kirkwall, Orphir or Sanday (Orkneys). There, the use of nicknames prevailed and in this case would have been conferred upon a member of the community who was thought to be sly or cunning. It was derived from the Old Norse 'slottigr' and the earliest example dates from 1492 in the person of Adam Sclater of Orkney.
The name is now usually spelled 'Slater' but 'Sclater' is not infrequent in the north of England and in Scotland where the spelling 'Sklater' was still in use in 1823."
Still no Greeks. Nor Mexicans.
Welcome back. I think Albert Clifford (A.C.) Slater's character was supposed to be Greek, but Mario Lopez, who played him, was certainly Mexican, and currently owns a bar in Tijuana. From him and from John Stamos' character Jesse Katzapolis on "Full House," I derive my entire understanding of Greek/Latino physiognomy. Forgive me my naivete.
re: Shuushin's "yeah... about that..."
- I think he does (look like Slater) - which I hope you will not take as my racist generalization on the appearance of young, tanned, vaguely-hispanic West-dwellers. Certainly not all Latinos look like Slater. Some look like Erik Estrada, for example. Anyway, see for yourself at "http://www.garageband.com/user/horus8". I think you'll agree.
- I think he does (look like Slater) - which I hope you will not take as my racist generalization on the appearance of young, tanned, vaguely-hispanic West-dwellers. Certainly not all Latinos look like Slater. Some look like Erik Estrada, for example. Anyway, see for yourself at "http://www.garageband.com/user/horus8". I think you'll agree.
Go ahead and laugh. There were apples in this poem before. I liked them. You may think the image was a little obvious, but I don't. Or, why not put them in edgewise, like 'apple-cheeked girls,' or 'to bob and interchange,' or something such? And if I'm so out-of-line here, why is everyone stumbling on the Newton, huh? Besides, the line 'that dance' is way too short. It could stand the extra syllables.
I'm on your side here, man.
I'm on your side here, man.
replying on Zodiac's Visit to Micky D's by Oej-Oej
11 Mar 2004, 1:05 PM
No, the PATENTLY-FALSE -=DARK_ANGEL=- TEN OF SHAME loses all its pot'ncy if its recipient is a hydrocephalic dunce. Furthermore, I think we should agree to refer to it from here on as the GIANT ETC ETC TEN _O'_ SHAME, okay?
on Love actually by kawakurdi
11 Mar 2004, 4:08 AM
I'm thinking of writing a poem inspired by this poem, which is decent (actually). Do you think it would be okay if I called it "Love Actually
- Inspired by the poem Love Actually
- Inspired by the film Love Actually"?
Thanks for your advice.
- Inspired by the poem Love Actually
- Inspired by the film Love Actually"?
Thanks for your advice.
on Zodiac's Visit to Micky D's by Oej-Oej
11 Mar 2004, 4:02 AM
Why would you have re-posted this with no changes at all? Would it be to force me (at least) to vote/comment on it so you can claim, if I rank it low, that I'm petty and childish? And if I rank it high, that I'm weak-willed and awestricken by your skill?
And if I say that this is utter crap and based on nothing very closely resembling the reality of my life, that that was the point anyway and I'm (again) petty and childish?
Or if I say anything at all, that tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans can be an stimulus for a weak economy?
Very well. You leave me no choice but to employ the poemranker's most deadly weapon, THE GIANT COILING POEME-EMBROWNING PATENTLY-FALSE -=DARK_ANGEL=- TEN OF SHAME!!!!!!!!! -10- -10- -10- -10- -10- Hahahahahaha!!!
And if I say that this is utter crap and based on nothing very closely resembling the reality of my life, that that was the point anyway and I'm (again) petty and childish?
Or if I say anything at all, that tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans can be an stimulus for a weak economy?
Very well. You leave me no choice but to employ the poemranker's most deadly weapon, THE GIANT COILING POEME-EMBROWNING PATENTLY-FALSE -=DARK_ANGEL=- TEN OF SHAME!!!!!!!!! -10- -10- -10- -10- -10- Hahahahahaha!!!
replying on Zodiac's Visit to Micky D's by Oej-Oej
10 Mar 2004, 12:54 PM
What's more, your inability to properly employ your mother tongue is something akin to an inability to properly use one's hands. What for others can be a delicate instrument for prodding, clasping, caressing a loved one, or plucking a chicken may only be a lifeless bludgeon for you, and an ineffectual one at that.
HAVING TROUBLE THINKING OF A RESPONSE?? Now we're at the part where you reveal some detail about your personal life which ultimately puts you in a bad light. Then you tell me you feel that I'm a great chap underneath and I might consider you a father figure. Then we start over again. Only this time, I'd prefer to get off the Ferris Wheel - which you will undoubtedly take as a victory for yourself of some kind. Go ahead. Who am I to deny you some meaningless pleasure?
HAVING TROUBLE THINKING OF A RESPONSE?? Now we're at the part where you reveal some detail about your personal life which ultimately puts you in a bad light. Then you tell me you feel that I'm a great chap underneath and I might consider you a father figure. Then we start over again. Only this time, I'd prefer to get off the Ferris Wheel - which you will undoubtedly take as a victory for yourself of some kind. Go ahead. Who am I to deny you some meaningless pleasure?
on Zodiac's Visit to Micky D's by Oej-Oej
10 Mar 2004, 12:22 PM
I find it funny that 'Oej-Oej' is 'Jeo-Jeo' spelled backwards.
replying on The Cessation of Fidelity by wilco
9 Mar 2004, 1:55 PM