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Sometimes it Hurts...

Member since 2003 · Posted 8 Feb 2003 · Edited 13 Mar 2004 · 3 comments

i have a funny feeling whenever the wind blows i get butterflies constantly and when you lie beside me at night i speak my mind like i never really could before all my woes and unwashed clothes my pains and joys and middle of the night noise hardly touched wine and true love where you lie.

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mean 4.25 weighted 4.91 rank 9544 views 196 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[0] SupremeDreamer 13-Mar-04/6:25 AM Reply

soap-opera mini-serie? If only Jesus could bestow his vengeance upon thee..

[8] zodiac 13-Mar-04/7:26 AM Reply

I have a funny feeling you started writing this as a non-rhyming poem and ended up by just making amateurish couplets, which makes this poem the epitome of hackness times two for being inconsistent. If you actually did mean for 'blows' to rhyme with 'clothes', 'mind' to go with 'wine', and 'lie' and 'night' to have some association, then please ignore pretty much all of the foregoing and congratulations on some really clever writing. Oh, and this poem could really benefit from being properly punctuated and capitalized and from having some cliches (like the last line) de-cliched.

[0] SupremeDreamer › zodiac 13-Mar-04/8:03 AM Reply

What ever happened to mixing pseudo-romance and farting as big No-No, rhymes & cliche aside? Maybe theres hope in using farts in a haiku about ass-licking.. as sick as that sounds.. its just more promising than the above poem.