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Eris, my blade, the accurst villanelle (Villanelle) by SupremeDreamer With cursed pen I craft this villanelle,
its shape a blade whose lustre shant fade
but of course that don't mean it'll sell.
Never-the-less I am sure it shall cut well.
Even if this days' end leaves me unpaid,
with my curs'd pen I craft this villanelle.
This blade struck, echoes a shrill knell;
close to flesh, it'll make a man afraid,
but of course that don't mean it'll sell.
Used with skill, it shall bid you farewell;
its thirst and thrust men can not evade.
With cursed pen I've crafted this villanelle.
If unsold, within my sheath it shall dwell,
till a foes flesh stirs it to swiftly invade;
once it has slain, this blade I shant sell.
It'll serve me well, my blade from hell;
a weapon well worth a day left unpaid.
With cursed pen I've crafted this villanelle;
and death with its keen edge is what I sell.
Up the ladder:
Self Love
Down the ladder:
Broken Mirror
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Posted: October 1, 2003 6:16 AM PDT; Last modified: March 13, 2004 1:49 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.2086053 Overall Rank: 4456 Comments:
Much better than my first attempt at a villanelle was. Funnier too. Shrill knell. too good.lol.
Don't ask how much time I spent to craft it.. but im getting better at it, and the one I made yesterday was loaded with angst. Atleast I'm getting some skill with form under the belt, and its pretty fun, even though I mold it with an old womans pace lol.
PS: this is my fourth? or fifth vil.. and nent needs to fix the spelling of villenelle, since he had me convinced theres only 3 l's.. and I feel foolish... oh well, he gets the blame. :x
Several of these lines are short syllables - 2, 5, and 7, to begin with. And do you mean for us to read "cursed" the -=Dark_Angel=- way, or the one-syllable way? You have both.
Have both? (well, I never knew darkie has his own special way for reading cursed)
Ah, well, how bout I supplement that with CURST? That lets it flow better anyway.. I hope darkie doesn't have some special version of that. As for the short syllable lines: I wasn't paying exact attention to the meter. I'm probably wrong, but I thought it wasn't a requirement in a vill.. explain since I'd like to know the rules for the form.
The pre-twentieth-century poetic reading of a word like "cursed" would have been "CUR-sed" (which is why it is sometimes, but nowhere near always, written "curséd".) A one-syllable "cursed" would have been written "curs'd" to avoid confusion, the apostrophe representing the dropped (and therefore unpronounced) vowel. This is where 'stain'd' and 'bow'ls' come from.
Today we usually read according to standard pronunciation most of the time, so cursed (at least around here) has one syllable. But in your first line you have to read "with CUR-sed PEN i CRAFT this VILaNELLE," in order to keep the pentameter. In the next stanza you write "with MY cursed PEN..." making a one-syllable cursed. It should at least be consistent, whichever way you go. Or throw in an apostrophe if you like. I'm sure he'll/they'll love it.
Ranker Fact: Darkie doesn't like anything that I write or say/do, but thats his purpose in my life on rankerville.
But aside from that, I'm throwin in the apostrophe. -and hopefully ill do it correctly! leave it to beaver and his meat cleaver-
As far as I know, the rule for villanelles is iambic pentameter - though that's probably been fucked with enough recently to not matter anymore. There was a decent villanelle here a few days ago in tetrameter. The two famous examples of the form that pop into my head, Dylan Thomas' "Do not go gentle..." and Elizabeth Bishop's "One Art", are both in pentameter - a fact which you seem to have picked up on, if unconsciously. The missing syllables are minor things, easily corrected. If you don't mind:
With MY cursed pen I craft this vilanelle, its shape a blade whose lustre SHALL NOT fade but of course that DOESN'T mean THAT it'll sell. Never-the-less I am sure it shall cut well. Even if this days' end leaves me unpaid, with my cursed pen I craft this vilanelle. This blade struck HARD, IT echoes a shrill knell; close to flesh, it'll make a man afraid, but of course that DOESN'T mean THAT it'll sell. Used BY SKILLED HANDS, it shall bid you farewell; its thirst and thrust MERE men can not evade. With cursed pen I've crafted this vilanelle. If unsold, within my sheath it shall dwell, till a FOE'S flesh stirs it to SWIFT invade; once it has slain, this blade I SHALL NOT sell. It'll serve me well, my FEARSOME blade from hell; a weapon well worth a day left unpaid. With cursed pen I've crafted this vilanelle; and death with its keen edge is what I sell. Okay - I'm reading "of course" as one syllable, which seems natural. And I'm overlooking some backwards accents. The capitalized words are placeholders; you can think of better words to go in them than I can. But that's a general idea - any help?
Yeah, that pretty much informed me of what I knew not.. now I just need to figure what to use to get that meter right and not screw the sound of it.. I'll figure that out later on and post a second version, that or start a fresh one with attention to meter. Its a slight crutch I have; if I don't start out with meter in mind I get stuck correcting later in frustration.
Oh, did I apply the apostrophe's correctly? thats all. Thank you for explaining it to me.
If you did it just for meter's sake, then you'll only want an apostrophe on the second cursed.
Roger Roger, shall fix it.
I don't know if you've read any of these, SD. I think they're pretty great. You have to scroll to the bottom: www.public.asu.edu/~aarios/formsofverse/
The very last one, Villanelle for D.G.B. I like the most, One Art was pretty good too, amusing. The others were good but didn't catch my fancy. Theres not many places where I can read vills, mostly I read the ones on rankerville and other scattered pieces on ezboards. That or the vills made free to read are dull.. poetry on the net of value is sparce, or I'm simply not lucky enough when searching for it.
foe's flesh...cannot (one word)
shan't (shall not, a contraction) like how you were careful with the metaphor (this poem is a blade) so it is fitting you would "sheathe" it if it does not sell-great last line! 390 view(s)
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But HERE IS THE REAL POEM! MY BRAND SPANKIN NEW VILANELLE!! cmon now, I'm not one to hiss "sss" and call it my latest piece lol.