Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 02:36:32 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Eris, my blade, the accurst villanelle (Villanelle) by SupremeDreamer

With cursed pen I craft this villanelle, its shape a blade whose lustre shant fade but of course that don't mean it'll sell. Never-the-less I am sure it shall cut well. Even if this days' end leaves me unpaid, with my curs'd pen I craft this villanelle. This blade struck, echoes a shrill knell; close to flesh, it'll make a man afraid, but of course that don't mean it'll sell. Used with skill, it shall bid you farewell; its thirst and thrust men can not evade. With cursed pen I've crafted this villanelle. If unsold, within my sheath it shall dwell, till a foes flesh stirs it to swiftly invade; once it has slain, this blade I shant sell. It'll serve me well, my blade from hell; a weapon well worth a day left unpaid. With cursed pen I've crafted this villanelle; and death with its keen edge is what I sell.

zodiac

13-Mar-04/1:15 PM

As far as I know, the rule for villanelles is iambic pentameter - though that's probably been fucked with enough recently to not matter anymore. There was a decent villanelle here a few days ago in tetrameter. The two famous examples of the form that pop into my head, Dylan Thomas' "Do not go gentle..." and Elizabeth Bishop's "One Art", are both in pentameter - a fact which you seem to have picked up on, if unconsciously. The missing syllables are minor things, easily corrected. If you don't mind:

With MY cursed pen I craft this vilanelle,
its shape a blade whose lustre SHALL NOT fade
but of course that DOESN'T mean THAT it'll sell.

Never-the-less I am sure it shall cut well.
Even if this days' end leaves me unpaid,
with my cursed pen I craft this vilanelle.

This blade struck HARD, IT echoes a shrill knell;
close to flesh, it'll make a man afraid,
but of course that DOESN'T mean THAT it'll sell.

Used BY SKILLED HANDS, it shall bid you farewell;
its thirst and thrust MERE men can not evade.
With cursed pen I've crafted this vilanelle.

If unsold, within my sheath it shall dwell,
till a FOE'S flesh stirs it to SWIFT invade;
once it has slain, this blade I SHALL NOT sell.

It'll serve me well, my FEARSOME blade from hell;
a weapon well worth a day left unpaid.
With cursed pen I've crafted this vilanelle;
and death with its keen edge is what I sell.

Okay - I'm reading "of course" as one syllable, which seems natural. And I'm overlooking some backwards accents. The capitalized words are placeholders; you can think of better words to go in them than I can. But that's a general idea - any help?

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