regarding some deleted poem...	11-Apr-04/8:31 AM
I think I gave this a 7 for the phrase "Daughter of the Night" and what I thought was at-times heavy language replete with inconsistent capitalization (you missed about 10 we's, you's and me's. But it's really a pretty good sonnet. I probably just didn't read it very carefully on a day when I was flipping through randoms to the point of blindness. I've stopped doing that now, and you deserve some extra credit for lines like "were we not Gods could we bear not to be" which I like about 5 times more than your usual 'Imagist' dross.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Apr-04/8:51 AM
I'm sorry, but this is awful. No vote.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Apr-04/8:42 AM
Don't be thrown off by my giving you a seven. This is several steps better than your other recent stuff. Some of these lines are kind of stale, but I'm impressed with how you've fit them together and given them a kind of order and drive, rather than stringing together only semi-related phrases like we see so much of here. I really feel like this leads somewhere, which is great. Now I would strongly recommend trying out other subjects. It's not that I don't consider love and heartbreak important (I do!-wait till you see my post tonight!), but that so many things have been said about love and heartbreak; it's hard to find something new to say about it. Whereas, say, writing about being an alien drain-cleaner on an interstellar battle-cruiser is totally new; you'd couldn't be cliche with a topic like that. Anyway, I didn't want you to think I was some terrible bogey or grouchy invalid or anything such. See? I can be a nice guy, even! Good luck writing, and tchuss! -zodiac
Re: Easter Wouldn't Be Complete Without Choking Someone Out by horus8	12-Apr-04/6:13 PM
JOHN STAMOS AND REBECCA ROMIJN-STAMOS SEPARATE Mon Apr 12, 4:08 PM ET LOS ANGELES - Married life is over for "Full House" actor John Stamos (news) and "X-Men" actress Rebecca Romijn-Stamos (news), the former Victoria's Secret model. The couple has separated after five years of marriage, publicist Lewis Kay said Monday. "The split is amicable and they have asked that the media please respect their privacy regarding this situation during this difficult time," Kay said. The spokesman said the couple had no further comment. Stamos, 40, and Romijn, 31, met in 1994 at a Victoria's Secret fashion show and began dating two months later. They married in September 1998. The actress appeared in "X-Men," "X2: X-Men United," "Femme Fatale (news - web sites)" and "Rollerball" and she appears in the upcoming films "The Punisher" and "Godsend." Stamos, best-known for his role as Jesse in "Full House" from 1987 to 1995, played John Sears in last year's cable TV movie "The Reagans." In recent years, he's played on the Broadway stage. In October, Stamos replaced Antonio Banderas (news) as the film director obsessed with women in the Tony Award-winning revival of "Nine" at New York's Eugene O'Neill Theatre. He had also replaced Matthew Broderick (news) in the revival of "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" and starred as the master of ceremonies in the long-running Roundabout Theatre Company production of "Cabaret" at Studio 54.
Re: Diary entry (edit) by richa	13-Apr-04/7:12 AM
Much better. But with the new, longer footnote you need to find another way to set it apart, methinks.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Apr-04/2:03 PM
No offense, hypatia and Shuushin, but I can't help noticing that the most-commented-on-poems of the day are about (what a surprise) ROSES and SNOWFALL. I mean, I agree that this is one of your best posts, but it's about ROSES!! ROOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHSESSSSSS!!!!
Re: being human by ggawrysi	14-Apr-04/3:59 AM
Stanzas 3-4 are copped from Doug Adams. To wit: "Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars, etc... and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish, and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Apr-04/8:32 PM
Not iambic pentameter. -0-
Re: Anthem of the Anachronists by coffeespoons	14-Apr-04/8:44 PM
O What whimsickal Britishy talk! Makes me want to say DO and IS with special emphasis with all the other chaps in my level. It's too bad all the real Brits on this site talk like deranged EastEnders wot bin nipped cushty inna Norff an Souff wivva Lord Lovell. But then I found out you're not British, just American, and I gave you a -5-.
Re: Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac	15-Apr-04/4:42 AM
I would just like to say that it hadn't occured to me until this moment that a sestina has only 6 lines per stanza, not 7, and so the whole idea is shot. But then, for me, the question "What were you on when you wrote this?" wouldn't be strictly rhetorical.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Apr-04/7:28 AM
Your first stanza sounds almost bearable with some indefinite articles (2) and punctuation between the first line and second. The pain/same rhyme is a little obvious; the line breaks don't hide it at all. And, incidentally, the expression is "one and the same." "One in the same" works, of course, but it strikes me as guffish, while one and the same has almost precisely the same subtext if you think about it. Though in/skin is an overdone rhyme, I'd line-break after in, anyway, rather than try to bury it. It works for me here - unlike eyes/dry, which need to be replaced with two completely different words. "Those three words you said..." is overstated, unnecessary, and ellipsesed, which I'm growing to loathe as I approach my 2,000th (!) vote. Cheesy and own-horn-tooting as it sounds, my advice would be to replace that line with an almost-neutral image like the ones in my gufftuous explosion of pimply angst "Something's Gone Wrong". Bed & head are obvious choices. Last lines are great Frost. I mean, I don't think they're too obviously Frosty Frost, though everyone else might. The important thing is you've dropped the ADJ-NOUN title kick and used almost natural language here, and with a few changes this could be my second-favorite of your posts. -9- By the way, everything I've posted this morning before this message was pre-my first coffee. Could you tell?
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Apr-04/8:14 AM
"of shopping malls" is better. "if only for a moment longer" should be dropped.
Re: The Price You Pay by Fear of Garbage	15-Apr-04/8:15 AM
I never have any idea what you're talking about.
Re: Temporal by Shardik	17-Apr-04/6:41 AM
Hot damn!
Re: Suicide Girl by wilco	17-Apr-04/6:44 AM
For everyone who doesn't already know, Elliott Smith committed suicide by stabbing himself in the chest with a knife.
Re: Summers Breath on my neck by unouluvme	18-Apr-04/5:53 AM
Not bad, really. "Summers" is "Summer's" of course. "Tounge" is "tongue". And "the hair that lays flat" should be "hair that lies flat" without the the.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Apr-04/6:04 AM
"to, simply" is a little rough. I'd say to change it to "simply to" but then you'd look like you were trying to rhyme two/to, which is JohnK to the max. You shouldn't ever use ellipses ever again. They're wrong, wrong, wrong. You need something between earth and we - I don't know what, a word maybe. "heal his heart from her departure" would do better with a different preposition. The last line should have more punch. I wonder if the problem is that you've not positioned a real speaker in the poem (I've noticed this is a recurring thing of yours.) The 'we' narration doesn't allow for a lot of the really fine details; it's like you're orating at a wake, trying to speak for everybody by not speaking too much for any one person - rather than, I don't know, meditating by a new grave. The more I think about it, the more that seems to be the case. It's too general and imageless. I would definitely consider re-working it with a very narrow first-person focus.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Apr-04/6:23 AM
S2 is really weak. The rest is okay, but not really my thing.
Re: The painted Chair by Sunshine Conkey	18-Apr-04/6:44 AM
Do you see how no matter how you screw with the format, your poems are all essentially the same, stylistically? -Genuinely Curious in AZ
Re: Strange by WondrousMoment	18-Apr-04/6:46 AM
Ananin yara var, ve baban jelos oldu, ibne.