Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	2-Oct-02/8:21 AM
Stop being afraid stop it stop it stop it. What's the worst that happen? You'll get your heart broken? Already happened? You'll make a fool of yourself? From what little I can gather, you don't have a problem with criticism. You handle it better then others I've seen. Don't be afraid. You belong here as much as the trees and the stars. You are breathing the air, it is making you live. There's a reason for that. Don't doubt it. Have fun! What's the worst that can happen, that hasn't happened already?
Re: Theoretical Islamic Math by Bachus	2-Oct-02/8:13 AM
I also wanted to mention Line C loses it's sting because it doesbn't have the flow of the others. Maybe you could switch the grammer around a bit to unstop it.
Re: Poem #5 (of a series of poems for Boo) by Owner of the Sky	2-Oct-02/8:11 AM
I feel good after reading this. Quiet and sweet. The image "death in autumn" is slightly off. Autumn is an active part of the cycle, winter is death. I see the relationship between the leaves falling, but the tree has not gone dormant, everythings waking up after summer. Maybe I'm too particular. Lets see waht others think. All in all a lovely poem.
Re: Theoretical Islamic Math by Bachus	2-Oct-02/8:04 AM
I voted last night but was to tired to comment. Excellent. Cuts to the quick. I'd love to see a whole series of these illuminating both sides of this bitter greedy coin.
Re: The Phoebe Snow by horus8	1-Oct-02/2:45 PM
50% of what you write goes sweeping past my head. Like the B2, I can't hear it til long after. I will ruminate.
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/2:38 PM
You are what I cannot be. I am a women first. Much of me is masculine, but that is all secondary. I would have made a hell of man. That would have been easy for me. I'm working towards being a hell of a women. Could I love you for who you are? Eventually I will, if things go on at this ultra-fast pace it won't be long. I have what I need and so do you. I don't believe you would be cruel to me. We're past all that. You're the part of the next step. Friendship I think it's called. Ask Horus. We've been through exactly this together
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/2:23 PM
The lesson learned.
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/2:20 PM
I gravitate towards strong men. I suppose there's nothing peculiar about that. I think they help me figure out what I am. I awful lot to contend with. So you are a mirror of sorts. Thank you for playing along.
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/2:07 PM
No, I don't want you in pain. I just want to give your cruelty some nobler excuse. Plus there's my intuition, not that she hasn't been wrong before. She certainly has. can I slap you and then hold you? the lines are getting blurry, which is good I think. I don't want you less bold, no I certaintly don't.
Re: Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/1:41 PM
It's definitely an improvement. It's like anything else. You have to keep practicing. This may be your form of expression or it may not. try other releases as well. who knows you might be a dancer. You're admirably determined. it's not an overnight thing. Get intosicated and write down every word that enters you.
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/1:30 PM
Sometimes I think you're in more pain then the rest of us. wishful thinking probably. does everyone have to be sand under your shoes? God i'd really like to go at it with you. and I don't know if I mean fist-a-cuffs, or matress-cide. I guess it's both. I run for the same reasons you ride.
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/1:06 PM
It was me. I axed it. I reveal too much.
Re: Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/12:13 PM
Take the ands out. Take the ofs out. Take the thats out. "Oh god her smile" is what I'm looking for. It's working. Go to it.
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/11:49 AM
Feelings buried alive never die. What's it gonna take til you're alright? It's not as bad as think it's going to be. The worst has already been done to you. You're not a victim anymore. I now that's scary. I was a victim for years. I depended on it. Fuck that shit. Don't beat around the bush.
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/11:44 AM
The pain will redeem you. "Behind everything of beauty there's a whole lot of pain" Bob Dylan I think. You are far from alone. Give your audience the benefit of the soubt. Say your piece with as few words as possible. They'll get it. Steal from me if you must. Every writer steals at first. I give you permission. Use a format and stick in your own words. "No Decent Way" is simple and easy to substitute. Read Dark Angels parody of my poem. His- "I am the Author of a Magickal Poeme" mine- "I am the Widow of a Murdered Husband" He does an incredible job of it. then when you've come up with some images you like, place them in your poem.
Re: whilst the bells ring by richa	1-Oct-02/11:26 AM
Fuck yes! S4 is briliant. Simple. "The scythe of the bells" is unique and has a lovely sound. Please help loneshadow out. He's got the will but lacks only the tools. Lend him some of yours please. You are a fine craftsman.
Re: Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/11:13 AM
o.k. you're headed in the right direction but you need to lighten the load. The first line is no good for a start. Falling Fast. Falling swiftly past the memories. She cherished me once, or so I thought./ Not "the nights" But " cold nights long nights warm nights. Tell m eexactly, precisely what the nights were. Remember and show me. Stop writing like you're thinking. Start writing like you're feeling. "My love blanketing her from the indifferent, frigid, callous, insensible night. This process takes hours upon hours. Read something in the meantime. that always helps me. Pray to her. Use your subconscience as well. Say the words aloud. Make the tears flow from your eyes
Re: Winter Rose by Brennan	1-Oct-02/10:28 AM
Do I know you? Pierced is miss-spelled at end.
Re: Haiku for Mum by waltfreakinwhitman	1-Oct-02/10:12 AM
Hahahahahahaha!!! Totally unexpected. great punchline, you sick bastard.
Re: a comment on Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/10:08 AM
Yes well Daddies are important, but boys will be boys. Mommy's soft, and she smells of cinnamon and vanilla. Daddy's mean and makes everyone cry, including mommy. I hate daddy.