Re: Fall from Love's Grace by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/9:56 AM
Show me the memories. Don't tell about memories. "Suddenly I shatterer. Striking the cold concrete reality of her/No longer desiring my words/ No longer craving my touch/ I lie broken./And she, with her Blah,blah blah,(description of her) and full of life moves on./ I belong to this silence/ I am frozen in this sorrow. I hope I'm not being to presumptious. I'm not implying this is the way the poem should be written, I'm just trying to give you an example of how you should play with the draft til it's as pretty as it can be. Then/They/My/I/Of must be avoided as much as possible. Show me what 's happening don't explain it to me.
Re: Why am I here? by harrytuttle	1-Oct-02/9:27 AM
No this isn't the one I was speaking of. I hadn't read this. Again the insid eoutside comparison is a bit too predictable, but you handle the inside very well. And the image of a men in tie & trousers rolling down a grassy slope is wonderful. My boyfriends an engineer at a giant defense company. the first thing he does when he leaves the building is take off his shirt and tie and walk to his car bare chested.
Re: a comment on Life of a Cubicle Dweller by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/9:19 AM
I find what works for me, what most people who read my poems react to, is when I'm dead on specific. Pick someone or something a meeting whatever, and write down your feelings and attitudes. A sketch if you will, then find the best sounding words and re-sketch it. Good luck.
Re: Another Julie by Brennan	1-Oct-02/9:13 AM
Wow. I'm suprised at how good this is. Usually this style is executed very badly.
Re: Life of a Cubicle Dweller by loneshadow29	1-Oct-02/8:38 AM
I want more from this little poem. The subject si an important one, and there is so much material there to draw from. I think you should continue working on this and fleshing it out more. Make some observations about the dynamics between co-workers or some such thing. The contrast between nature and interior is too predictable. Wasn't there a poem posted about 2 weeks ago on the subject of office life that was pretty good I can't find it. Can any one tell me?
Re: 5 p.m. by cobalt	1-Oct-02/8:29 AM
The first stanza is particularly beautiful, and though I love a strong finish, a beautiful beginning is a treat. Nice poem. Strong finish.
Re: a comment on Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof	1-Oct-02/7:54 AM
o.k. I'll be a jerk to you and start being nice to acertaincontempt. This poem is a big piece of crap.
Re: Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof	1-Oct-02/7:51 AM
I believe the flaw is your over-sized heart. I really enjoy the rhymn scheme.
Re: I Will Stay in Bed Today by jessicazee	30-Sep-02/6:48 PM
I think this poem captures the protaganists predicament quite well.
Re: Dear Ms. Sexton by <{Baba^Yaga}>	30-Sep-02/6:25 PM
I liked the poem. Especially, of course, the title and it's relation to the 2nd to last stanza. The comments are well-written, funny/scary and I wish I had just a smidgen of your talent for pulling things out of your ass. "Look mommy the entire L.A. philharmonic"! Hows baby^yaga feeling today. no more 104 temp?
Re: Married by INTRANSIT	30-Sep-02/6:04 PM
Tether is real. All else is idealism. Plus it brings the visual of holding on and and helping them, even if it means fighting the prevailing winds. Also it is love that keeps me tethered. Otherwise I'd have drifted out into the stratosphere years ago, or worse yet, gotten stuck in a tree. So you're leaving truck-driving? I hope it works out well for you.
Re: At The Sloane Slattery on Saturday by Limness	30-Sep-02/2:18 PM
Nice rythmn, and images. S3 is very endearing. What's a Slattery?
Re: a comment on A Sign on a Giant Donut at a Twenty Four Hour a Day Donut Shop Overlooking Pacific Coast Highway in Sunset Beach California at Eight in the Evening on September Twenty Fourth Two-Thousand and Two by Dark Angle	30-Sep-02/2:05 PM
Well it's only speculation. One of the reasons I love Mr. Brautigan. He will take you along this pleasing road of insightful prose and then drop some flunky weirdness into it. He was a child of the times.
Re: At The Sloane Slattery on Saturday by Limness	30-Sep-02/2:00 PM
Belching is mis-spelled.
Re: A Sign on a Giant Donut at a Twenty Four Hour a Day Donut Shop Overlooking Pacific Coast Highway in Sunset Beach California at Eight in the Evening on September Twenty Fourth Two-Thousand and Two by Dark Angle	30-Sep-02/1:55 PM
Read Richard Brautigan. He would have given this poem a 10.
Re: Wednesday's Breaking by poetandknowit	30-Sep-02/1:36 PM
Left me with a sad creepy feeling.
Re: Liberty bells & Disney Land by horus8	30-Sep-02/1:15 PM
Very powerful towards the end. I like the way this thing builds. Line 7 seems to have a grammatical error of some kind, or I just don't get it.
Re: Bobbing for Apples by Rex Karrs	28-Sep-02/9:20 AM
Not as good as your 1st one, but still excellent. Fallow is a favorite word. Welcome.
Re: a comment on Witch to Wicca by Lenore	27-Sep-02/8:39 PM
My sister's a wiccan. She burned her apartment down 9 yrs. ago. She had a beautiful picture window in her bedroom. She placed her crystal ball in front of it, and one fine summer's afternoon it lit the bed on fire. Luckily the whole building didn't go down.
Re: a comment on Witch to Wicca by Lenore	27-Sep-02/7:51 PM
It seems I have not read "Stranger in a Strange Land". Iwent to the bookstore and looked at it but it was not the book I thought it was.