Re: Unsung california dreamin. by SupremeDreamer	7-Jul-04/12:34 PM
This is ridiculously hard to follow. Your sentences are absurdly lengthy.
Re: Bankruptcy (2) by INTRANSIT	7-Jul-04/12:26 PM
What does this mean?
Re: a comment on Homeless by gavinduff	6-Jul-04/7:49 PM
lol
Re: The lost perfume of my yellow-rose-Girl by Prince of Void	6-Jul-04/7:45 PM
A dead, bloated cow lying in a meadow, high summer.
Re: Virgin Bride by TwilightDawned	6-Jul-04/7:39 PM
Unrefutable evidence of a mind unstrung.
Re: Rainbow by TwilightDawned	6-Jul-04/7:36 PM
This is the worst poem I've seen this evening. Try saying something normally.
Re: Tale of a mermaid by sanity	6-Jul-04/7:22 PM
Too many 'I's. Also the language is boring.
Re: a comment on Tapestry Years by Quarton	6-Jul-04/7:01 PM
Do they have to be really sentences?
Re: Translation by Dovina	6-Jul-04/6:58 PM
Looks great.
Re: a comment on Translation by Dovina	6-Jul-04/6:49 PM
The huge variety of words, syntax, and yes the vowel sounds, you could compare dark words straight out and they just don't feel as ugly as there English counterparts, also the fact that they haven't changed much over the centuries. Also the expressions that are used are very dear, tied up in tradition. In Spanish culture the emotions are rarely controlled, the language reflects this. Everything's a passion, good or bad, love or hate. You're absolutely right about Russian. I have a poet friend who recites in Russian, she was born there, moved here when she was 14. I also enjoy Russian folk music. I think it's a very emotional language as well, from the little she was able to translate for me. They also have similar vowel sounds to the Spanish, I do believe that makes a difference. I'm no linguist, it would be interesting to do some research on the subject.
Re: a comment on Translation by Dovina	6-Jul-04/12:11 PM
Obviously your grasp of Spanish is extremely weak. The reason I like this poem is because it is completely accurate. Spanish makes even the mundane sound beautiful.
Re: War of kites and fireflies by fevriere	6-Jul-04/12:07 PM
I like it better with the last two lines seperated out as a couplet.
Re: War of kites and fireflies by fevriere	3-Jul-04/5:34 PM
I've read this several ties and I've grown quite fond of it. wonderful alliteration, meter, assonance- inventive. some small things bother me; Do yo mean the church itself is unmoveable or the incense within? That's a tough metaphor, you should play around with it more. it breaks up the rythm of the line. You've got a nice beat on at the beginning with the assonance of 'refuses to move' and then.... that long A in 'claimed', my ear doesn't like it. '...a high English... ' sounds more consistent to the meter throughout the poem. keep magic simply magic, attach it to the end of the 8th line, you take away it's power when you do funny things to it. the last couplet should start with the word 'Scattering' drop 'in the'. Terrfic composition.
Re: Translation by Dovina	3-Jul-04/10:07 AM
Very good. I like the way you pertray the girl and the how you make here speak, good attention to detail there. The second line in the second couplet troubles me. I know there has to be a smoother way to write that. That first couplet though, is killer, great meter, concise intro, very strong, it grabs me. if you left out the last two lines in the first long stanza, it would have more impact. Let the reader come to some conclusions. Don't explain it for us. it's so much sweeter when you let the audience figure it out. Also 'you understand?' is a funny and real. It makes a nice way to end the stanza. Is she talking to you or are you talking to us? I like that. You don't need 'I thought' at the beginning of the next stanza, or 'written'. This stanzas confusing, yo9u got ''thought' twice, again, maybe if you removed the first one it would be easier, or you could change 'the' to 'these' in front of 'thought' in the 3rd line. 'of a foreign tongue' The endings perfect, so overall a good poem, I enjoyed it.
Re: a comment on Recycled Stardust by Quarton	2-Jul-04/11:35 PM
Like I'd ever stand a fair chance. Most participants on this site vote based on mutual mastrubation not on anything that could be identified as an understanding of the techiniques of poetry writing. Like you said, and I'm paraphrasing, it's not so much about reality as preceptions. Iy's all about preceptions,I am erroneously perceived as a bitch, I'm more of a cunt really. If we sent our 'best'(what ever the fuck that is) poems to an arbritrary workshop or critic I'd agree to that and I'd kick your sorry poetry ass. Otherwise I choose derringers at dawn. Asshat.
Re: The Militarization of America by Quarton	2-Jul-04/7:48 PM
'An arsenal of nothingness' I'm no Isaac Newton but isn't that like totally scientifically impossible? Otherwise corn-filled mawkish tripe.
Re: Charming Distraction ( The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards) by MacFrantic	2-Jul-04/7:35 PM
Yes, this is charming. You should title it simply; The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards
Re: a comment on Recycled Stardust by Quarton	2-Jul-04/7:23 PM
Yes well... I mean it became apparent to me quite some time ago I wasn't going to be winning the Miss Congeniality prize this year, but that's neither here nor there when it comes to writing poetry. You're not very good at it, and that's just the cold-hearted facts. Hey, but it's a free fucking country here in Poemrankia, so you just go on hanging round the other talentless citizens, blowing smoke up each others asses. Enjoy your monkey's tea party, and tottle off to sleep each night with a self-satisfied grin all over your clueless mug. Sweet dreams.
Re: a comment on today the world is beauty by nentwined	2-Jul-04/4:08 PM
Where's your mommy? Ask -=Dark_Angel=- if you can suckle on his overflowing poetry tit. He's such the mothering type.
Re: The Missing Peace by nothingtoanyone	2-Jul-04/3:10 PM
I like the beginning and the idea behind this, you go off into unfortunately, into boring redundance. the last line's a stinker, corny & preachy.