| Re: stung by Limness |
2-Dec-02/8:07 AM |
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Try leaving the last line off. what do you think? If not could you tell me what it's like, to drown in him/her?
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| Re: two poles are better than one by <~> |
2-Dec-02/8:03 AM |
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The last stanza's quite simple, which I think is rare for you. Perhaps everyones expecting you to be all business, and it's casual friday. It is a bit simple, but why not? I don't know, but I think if this stanza had been penned by some other, I would like it less. maybe it's just that I never get moody like that...
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| Re: Afraid by LovePoet |
2-Dec-02/7:40 AM |
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Don't tell us somuch how you feel. Tellus what happened, you know, what the day was like, the color of his shoes, anything. If you show us what happened we'll know how you feel. Good Luck.
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| Re: this tuesday morning by teacup |
1-Dec-02/9:18 AM |
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Is it 'but I know' or 'because I know' Change the last line.
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| Re: Waking Up by PawnedTidal |
1-Dec-02/9:16 AM |
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i'm hip to your lies is a great line.
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| Re: I Fell From a Dream by x311 |
1-Dec-02/7:45 AM |
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Nice outline. Can you reduce it a bit? Find a new way to say things like "What a cruel joke..." "There is so much love..." these are the facts like my eyes or my hands; can you be more distinct? More personal?
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| Re: terra incognita by horus8 |
20-Nov-02/12:21 PM |
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| Re: Now I Know by BUFFY0BSESSED |
20-Nov-02/12:07 PM |
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Happiness is result of bio-chemistry, and it's over-rated. This poem is awful.
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| Re: a comment on The Sea by Moss |
20-Nov-02/9:03 AM |
No I can't. But I can say there are some fresh images here, and it's spare which I like.
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| Re: a comment on The Sea by Moss |
20-Nov-02/8:58 AM |
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I don't think is poem is actually about the sea.
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| Re: Orange Hills (Villanelle) by Moss |
20-Nov-02/8:56 AM |
I don't like this poem but I think it qualifies. Five tercets, a final ququatrain and two rhymes.
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| Re: Days of November When It Never Get Light by Nicholas Jones |
20-Nov-02/8:50 AM |
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Your title has a typo. the mood never builds.
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| Re: jane by roses are read |
20-Nov-02/8:45 AM |
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Take out the Shakespeare. the second stanza is far better than the first though it still needs work. What the hell's a clich?
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| Re: The Trail by ThoughtfulSoul |
20-Nov-02/8:35 AM |
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Too many words, too little content.
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| Re: a comment on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki |
20-Nov-02/8:25 AM |
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it's so hard to stay out ofthe sheets. That would be the least of her follies. I'm more hammers than claws.
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| Re: "Why would I need to get in touch with you?" by Limness |
20-Nov-02/8:22 AM |
"that you did not think" what? I can guess but I want you to tell me in one or two words. I think that's just a personal thing. Very nice, like a piece of driftwood.
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| Re: a comment on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki |
20-Nov-02/8:14 AM |
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Agreed, but it's easier on me to be attacked than to watch someone I like be attacked. Plus I have the feeling kiki might do alright if she'd just pull back on the throttle a bit.
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| Re: The Sea by Moss |
20-Nov-02/8:11 AM |
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Perfect ending. "to tight to be clean" is obscure.
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| Re: a comment on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki |
20-Nov-02/8:02 AM |
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What I seem at what I am are to very different things. You seem like a total bitch, but I'm sure your not. Let me say it more clearly. You came here and start spewing rhetoric and insults as if you know what your talking about. I don't like you. This is by far the best poem you have posted, don't pay attention to the votes because they don't reflect anything and don't really matter anyway. The sarcastic point I was trying to make about the human experience thing: You trash sentiment, and then your best poem is all about sentiment
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| Re: a comment on I Stand Mesmerized by abbaslittleclingon |
19-Nov-02/10:05 PM |
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Hello, she's no longer picking fruit either! Or perhaps there's a govt. sponsored program were they hand out laptops to migrant workers. "Sorry no health -care or schools but here's something to keep you 'connected'. She 's got a website. I never said anything derogatory, well expect of course that you don't know what you're talking about. Like that's ever stopped you before. Anyway, I'm just having fun. Aren't you? One Country is the time Eddy and I held hands cause we were square dance partners. The rest of the time you're throwing sand. So tell me Herr Doktor, in your honest opinion who is the better poet, our new friend here, or me?
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