Re: A Circle Starts with C by rusty	3-Aug-03/12:15 AM
I like the insane rhythm. The sense that the floor is heaving and pitching; that houshold objects have overcome inertia and are now in rebellion.
Re: plagiarism txt by daniella	16-Aug-03/11:56 AM
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Re: lament and retrograde by Don-Quixote	17-Sep-03/7:40 AM
Tis fine. Even though I misread/rewrote the last line as I read it: Too proud to scrawl.
Re: Upside down and tigers by horus8	17-Sep-03/7:56 AM
I like it. It works. But I'm gonna offer a critique as well: musk is from oxen. Was it ox for dinner? Pheromones is far less visceral than any other word in the poem. I can't smell it. Perhaps: I lowest growl of hot flesh on your cool.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Nov-03/12:52 PM
Commencement. Is it a moment of freedom, enslavement, or simply exchanging one set of shackles for another? There are some nice analogies and ambiguities here, which could be drawn out further. As is, the ambiguity disappears suddenly, and the analogies with that other rite of passage fade away before offering a metaphor for the mucky black soil. Still, it's a vivid and thought-provoking composition.
Re: leavetaking by daniella	11-Jun-04/2:18 PM
As ever, beautiful.
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jun-05/4:17 PM
Nice to see you again. As always, something evocative and true. Thank you. As for the content, I read 'i see what seems to me a pattern' as ' i see me as a little speck'. Translation: we see ourselves moving through something incomprehensibly bigger. I think the sense still holds true with that reading.
Re: Where did the word "ORIGIN" come from? by T. Jonathron Remp	25-Jul-05/2:16 PM
It all began with Jon Jonsson, who came from Wisconsin, and worked in a graveyard there. Whether late at night or in broad daylight, he asked himself this thing: where did it start and where will it end and how will we know which is which? Day after day and year after year he asked, until one day he passed. In his pocket they found a note that said 'put this on my stone: It all began with Jon Jonsson'.
Re: tanka(4) by shadows	20-Aug-05/12:15 PM
I see some lines I like. Some lines I'd like to play with too.
Re: tanka(1) by shadows	20-Aug-05/12:19 PM
I like bits of this a lot, but overall it's a bit too matter-of-fact. Takes away some of the metaphors that might be brewing.
Re: orange crumble by impert&ent	25-Aug-05/11:59 PM
after tanks(4) http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=129826
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Aug-05/12:14 AM
Is this really free verse? Mostly very good. I think you could do better with the last line. It's too trite for the rest of the poem. Overall, I like the way you've managed the transition from affectionate domesticity to shocked betrayal. I can see why you'd then focus on the feelings of disbelief, but I don't think you've captured it so well. The last two stanzas are not so powerful as those preceding, and the last line doesn't do justice to any of what came before. There's got to be more going on in your tangled thoughts and feelings. I was hoping to hear more.
Re: Tarragon by D. $ Fontera	26-Aug-05/12:24 AM
Nice evocations of cooking throughout - but for the line about hips. So I'm thinking of a substitute for chassés that involves a stirring, a rolling, a grinding.
Re: The Trees in Spring (edit) by Sasha	29-Aug-05/1:44 AM
Well conceived, I like the line of thought. Each stanza presemnts a clear idea in the development of an overall insight. The phrasing feels a bit awkward, but it may just be the number of syllables and the structure of a sonnet. The only thing I can see to change is the 'they' and Theirs' in 2nd and 3rd stanzas. There is a hint of subject/object disagreement that could be clarified.
Re: Nowhere Land by Caducus	21-Sep-05/9:37 AM
There's much to like in this, but there are a couple of loose ends too. I like the imagery and the metaphors. But I don't get the "robins staff", and think the focus changes in the last line, and leaves the thing unresolved. If the staff were a coat hook, it would make sense to me, given that your coat is the rain. As for the last line, you may set spectacular, but in a solitary land of your own rather than nowhere. But why focus on yourself at the end, given that up to that point the focus is on her and the love?
Re: Random Sandwich, or, The Scavenger's Chocolate Wrapper by impert&ent	20-Nov-05/9:17 AM
A collage of snippets from the first lines of the last 13 poems to appear on Poemranker's RSS feed. Neither random nor contrived, this pick of the litter/litter-picker's approach to composition reflects the momentary ambience of poemranker.