on Erotic Crossroad in my Dream: So I Cream Into Me Panties by Luzr
2 Jul 2003, 8:17 AM
Dream my nights away? hrmm. Ok. :)
replying on Teen Hardcore by Johnnie Baptiste
2 Jul 2003, 8:00 AM
Huh? are you saying im Mr Pig and gods wife??? .... what the hell gave you this idea??? but its um.. i guess flattering... except that i dont see how i can be compared to those two... in speech, personality, or poetry... but ah.. whatever.
replying on Caesar and the Giant. (revised) by SupremeDreamer
2 Jul 2003, 7:55 AM
correction: improve in "then i could prove..." should disprove.
i hate those damned typos... ;/
i hate those damned typos... ;/
replying on Caesar and the Giant. (revised) by SupremeDreamer
2 Jul 2003, 7:48 AM
concerning a contest of wit and him running circles around me, i know that i face the large odds against me winning in such a contest against settle.
do you mean to say that since his joke is an opinion makes it improssible to disprove? I don't agree exactly.. -shrug-
Then i could prove my opinion concrete and impossible to improve but im not going to be that silly. I dont challenge his view, I dont have a mission to change his opinion, he can keep it if he likes. I simply point out that his statement saying that all the poets on poemranker are zeroes is incorrect and false. And I go further to point out his arrogance.
I didn't deny him the facts considering his ability or skill.
I enjoy jokes, and a wide variety and style of jokes.. but i dont find his poem to have an inkling of humor, as it went being being amusing into being insulting. Maybe your right when you suggest that im taking it too seriously.
But, Joke or not, it doesn't convince me to back down.
Btw, maybe i wont be able to succeed in a battle of wits with him, but do you think i could give him a good fight atleast? oh well.
do you mean to say that since his joke is an opinion makes it improssible to disprove? I don't agree exactly.. -shrug-
Then i could prove my opinion concrete and impossible to improve but im not going to be that silly. I dont challenge his view, I dont have a mission to change his opinion, he can keep it if he likes. I simply point out that his statement saying that all the poets on poemranker are zeroes is incorrect and false. And I go further to point out his arrogance.
I didn't deny him the facts considering his ability or skill.
I enjoy jokes, and a wide variety and style of jokes.. but i dont find his poem to have an inkling of humor, as it went being being amusing into being insulting. Maybe your right when you suggest that im taking it too seriously.
But, Joke or not, it doesn't convince me to back down.
Btw, maybe i wont be able to succeed in a battle of wits with him, but do you think i could give him a good fight atleast? oh well.
replying on Teen Hardcore by Johnnie Baptiste
2 Jul 2003, 7:10 AM
OK.. well, with this line of commentry, i think your settle and toying with me. Logically, if you were someone else, you wouldnt be careless enough to leave the issue of your identity in question. Plus this cute comment seems to have the intention of leaving me confused. Ah well, i guess im going to have to keep with my assumption that your settle for now then, untill i see any evidence that you are not or an explaination concering your identity.
replying on Teen Hardcore by Johnnie Baptiste
2 Jul 2003, 7:00 AM
... well, im stumped then, you really challenge me here... could i get a clue? or could you just come out with it.
replying on Teen Hardcore by Johnnie Baptiste
2 Jul 2003, 6:55 AM
Hrmm.. heres a poke into the dark unknown:
are you horus perhaps?.. ;/
are you horus perhaps?.. ;/
replying on Teen Hardcore by Johnnie Baptiste
2 Jul 2003, 6:52 AM
If i did mistaken your identity then i apologize for my assumption and the resulting comments. But if im right, then I stand by it. so the conclusion of this possible case of mistaken identity will be decided by confirmation/explaination of who you are.
replying on Teen Hardcore by Johnnie Baptiste
2 Jul 2003, 6:46 AM
Perhaps sleep and long work made me mistaken you for someone else. Maybe its coincidence, or i simply had my mind obsessively pondering rgallets poem. I think your settle, aka joyluck and many other names, but i could be wrong. And no, porn is the work of mercifull women blessed with beauty and the kindness to pose in sexual photos for the enjoyment of lonely hearts.. ;)
on -=Words_From_Dark_Angel=- by wEdible Underpantsw
29 Jun 2003, 11:53 PM
LMAO. bravo mr edible, you just woke me up from death with laughter. thanks alot, ive been craving this. I will savor it with supreme giddy gaiety. blessed with 10
on Carry You Inside by sliver
29 Jun 2003, 11:45 PM
I really enjoy this one. I wish i had something more clever to say, but my mind has gone into neutral. blessed with a 10.
on A song I wrote for kristie played backwards by thepinkbunnyofdoom
29 Jun 2003, 11:40 PM
um.. I suggest.. nevermind, im consumed with laziness.
Look over the poem, and notice the confusing result.
Look over the poem, and notice the confusing result.
on Have you by XangryXblondeX
29 Jun 2003, 11:34 PM
This isnt a poem.. damned blonds.. I suggest a new title:
An irate blond screaming questions, so confused and retarded that she mistook it to be a song of love and beauty.
I pity the day she sees that her poem is the constipated thinking of a blithering moron.
An irate blond screaming questions, so confused and retarded that she mistook it to be a song of love and beauty.
I pity the day she sees that her poem is the constipated thinking of a blithering moron.
on Forsaken Faults by DeadtotheWorld
29 Jun 2003, 11:18 PM
hrmm.. first we start with the scientist and then suddenly its a bum... I dont really know what to say.. _shrug_ Had an interesting beginning, but it ended sharply and left me slightly jangled.
on Creating A Bitch by Kitch
29 Jun 2003, 11:10 PM
You managed to be more descriptive here.. but like a rose, this has thorns that rip at its own pedals..
"Nothing you want me to hear I can say."
I'm pretty confused as to what you are trying to say with this line, I dont do well in translating broken english.
"I told you I loved you and did do convincingly,"
Where the fuck did -and did do convincingly" come from? the void of desperate attempts to appear sophisticated? well.. you failed horribly.
Horus's suggestion of removing the do would repair it, but im so confused as to what the hell you meant to say that I can't bring myself to suggest the same.
"smell you like a rose"
... Did you smell her like a rose would smell her, or did she smell like a rose? did you learn english from a korean peasant? These questions are sure interesting to contemplate...
"But now what you think of me?"
Sticking in a "do" in this line would be helpfull. Its strange that you put the word "do" in an earlier line, yet dont even bother to do so with this line.. I'm not sure whos more confused, you or me.. i thing its you.
"set free her love then tie her in chains"
How unoriginal... I've heard many versions of this line... it really bothers me.
as to the ending of the poem, the perfect storm bit needs to be rethought, its a lazy injection spawned from the disease of caged imagination.
Also, the entire flow of this poem is somewhat like a virgins first fuck.. quick, pathetic, and dull.. I am desperately attempting to hold back the urge to slice this into a thousand pieces and burn it. Ah well, thats all i have to say.
"Nothing you want me to hear I can say."
I'm pretty confused as to what you are trying to say with this line, I dont do well in translating broken english.
"I told you I loved you and did do convincingly,"
Where the fuck did -and did do convincingly" come from? the void of desperate attempts to appear sophisticated? well.. you failed horribly.
Horus's suggestion of removing the do would repair it, but im so confused as to what the hell you meant to say that I can't bring myself to suggest the same.
"smell you like a rose"
... Did you smell her like a rose would smell her, or did she smell like a rose? did you learn english from a korean peasant? These questions are sure interesting to contemplate...
"But now what you think of me?"
Sticking in a "do" in this line would be helpfull. Its strange that you put the word "do" in an earlier line, yet dont even bother to do so with this line.. I'm not sure whos more confused, you or me.. i thing its you.
"set free her love then tie her in chains"
How unoriginal... I've heard many versions of this line... it really bothers me.
as to the ending of the poem, the perfect storm bit needs to be rethought, its a lazy injection spawned from the disease of caged imagination.
Also, the entire flow of this poem is somewhat like a virgins first fuck.. quick, pathetic, and dull.. I am desperately attempting to hold back the urge to slice this into a thousand pieces and burn it. Ah well, thats all i have to say.
on The Shoulder War by Kitch
29 Jun 2003, 10:28 PM
"Once I cried,
All the pain had died,
And once I dried them,
I saw a beautiful girl beside them."
This passage is confusing, and has a fragmented structure. Try to be more descriptive, otherwise people wont understand what your saying.
"Oh how she makes me,
Oh how she breaks me,
In to little pieces, of past Christmas toys,
Once she was silence,
She became my noise."
With this one, i suggest canning the first line.. I really don't see what purpose it can serve. "of past christmas toys" what exactly are you trying to express here? feel like a toy that a child enjoys for a few months and then destroys perhaps? what im saying is that you could spin it out to a more descriptive and creative result.
"once she was silence, she became my noise" Again, sounds fragmented and vague as to what you intend this to mean. I understand somewhat what your trying to say, but you need to inject some more free flowing thought into your presentation.. try writing a poem without forcing rhyme into it.
"Two guardian Angels,
Once tells me sin,
One says be nice"
Once tells me sin? this line makes little sense, atleast to me. Heres an example of how it could be better written:
Within me lays
two guardian angels,
One whispers to commit sin
The other sings of love
and righteousness.
repeat: Just an example, I dont intend to tell you how it should be written.
Also, i agree with the first two comments about that jelly line, it just doesnt fit well into the overall piece.
I hope i dont seem like an asswipe with this commentry. Its simply my opinion, no hard feelings.
All the pain had died,
And once I dried them,
I saw a beautiful girl beside them."
This passage is confusing, and has a fragmented structure. Try to be more descriptive, otherwise people wont understand what your saying.
"Oh how she makes me,
Oh how she breaks me,
In to little pieces, of past Christmas toys,
Once she was silence,
She became my noise."
With this one, i suggest canning the first line.. I really don't see what purpose it can serve. "of past christmas toys" what exactly are you trying to express here? feel like a toy that a child enjoys for a few months and then destroys perhaps? what im saying is that you could spin it out to a more descriptive and creative result.
"once she was silence, she became my noise" Again, sounds fragmented and vague as to what you intend this to mean. I understand somewhat what your trying to say, but you need to inject some more free flowing thought into your presentation.. try writing a poem without forcing rhyme into it.
"Two guardian Angels,
Once tells me sin,
One says be nice"
Once tells me sin? this line makes little sense, atleast to me. Heres an example of how it could be better written:
Within me lays
two guardian angels,
One whispers to commit sin
The other sings of love
and righteousness.
repeat: Just an example, I dont intend to tell you how it should be written.
Also, i agree with the first two comments about that jelly line, it just doesnt fit well into the overall piece.
I hope i dont seem like an asswipe with this commentry. Its simply my opinion, no hard feelings.
on Love Kills by Kitch
29 Jun 2003, 9:51 PM
seems like unsophisticated teenage angst has infected this piece.. "love kills ! no one recovers"... naive love that has lost touch with rational thinking is indeed painful when love sick dreamers suddenly open their eyes and see something completely different.
Just a little opinion concerning the subject matter. Oh, yeah: Pain and again, do not rhyme.. say the word seperately and compare.. they dont flow together.. just because they both end in ain doesnt mean they rhyme.
For some reason the way this poem its presented, the meter and rhythm seems forced.. I suggest you sit with this piece, and think of how to reword it. It sure wouldn't hurt to think of more creative rhyming schemes.
Just a little opinion concerning the subject matter. Oh, yeah: Pain and again, do not rhyme.. say the word seperately and compare.. they dont flow together.. just because they both end in ain doesnt mean they rhyme.
For some reason the way this poem its presented, the meter and rhythm seems forced.. I suggest you sit with this piece, and think of how to reword it. It sure wouldn't hurt to think of more creative rhyming schemes.
replying on Blind Walk Into Poem Ranker by DreamerSupreme
28 Jun 2003, 9:33 AM
Thanks, i feel more confident already.. -looks in the mirror- "is that a grey hair???"
on speed weed by Freethinker1602
28 Jun 2003, 9:19 AM
Hey, the stoner manifesto, the bathroom poet. lol.
Does being BI-Polar mean you have no sense of humor? if thats the case, then you are INDEED handicapped. And i WILL dream on mam, because my dreams get fed as ink into my pen, and become the words in my poems.