Re: a comment on Mephistophelian Seductress by SupremeDreamer	1-Sep-04/6:04 PM
A bit of both actually. Dale? I feel retarded now, so explain. ;/
Re: Requiem for what by Prince of Void	29-Aug-04/10:11 AM
Ok, let me be frank, and brutally honest: The above enjambment of badly-stringed catch phrases is such a crock of discombobulated bullshit. Hopefully time will be forgiving, or there's no hope for you, whatever spouse you've become attached to, and your bastard children. You pray, I growl. Blessed with two.. go in peace.
Re: Haunted by Bachus	29-Aug-04/4:20 AM
Always raising the bar, indeed. If you ever failed me in that, I wouldn't drive constantly onwards for the next twilight horizon-- it wouldn't be as fun or freakish otherwise. The book stanza was the best I think.. reminds me of the condition of my photo album.
Re: a comment on Mephistophelian Seductress by SupremeDreamer	29-Aug-04/4:13 AM
Death and rebirth, along with mental abnormality rewired for sexual geniality. It worked.. better than expected.. but still, procastination did no good luke, and the force definately wasn't working. Yet, somewhere along the road of retarded fantasy the grim cancer had had enough deranged psychological-chemo and opted for recession. [imploded nuetron star creating its own oblivion.] Yes, another yappy mood tonight... can't shut up much these days, been a good long time where I've had little to rant about or manifest some story.
Re: a comment on untitled :( by XxRuby_KillsXx	28-Aug-04/9:26 PM
And yes, I'm bumbling round like a drunken red-faced clown.
Re: a comment on untitled :( by XxRuby_KillsXx	28-Aug-04/9:24 PM
Why not be straight forward and blatantly rude, I just don't care for the sarcastic but subtle taunt. I only bothered to mention her spelling and grammar to be helpful instead of saying nothing and letting her continue making those mistakes. I made no claim to having perfect grammar or spelling, and from what I've seen in the ol' historic commentaries, your not exactly the man to be avenging the downtrodden poets of poemranker. Embarrass and mock me to your hearts content though, my friend, I had genuinely missed the beatings of old.
Re: a comment on Internal Dialogue (Mental Cock-Slapping & Anal Discipline) by DreamerSupreme	28-Aug-04/9:23 PM
But childishly satisfying, for me.
Re: a comment on Internal Dialogue (Mental Cock-Slapping & Anal Discipline) by DreamerSupreme	28-Aug-04/9:03 PM
Duly noted. It's all good sonny boy.
Re: a comment on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer	28-Aug-04/9:00 PM
Ah, atleast you've made it clear that I've neglected to keep my quill point sharp and adept at forming verse.
Re: a comment on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer	28-Aug-04/8:54 PM
Really? I seem to have been oblivious to my popularity. Had thought that I'm mostly ignored in general except for the occasional flare of frenzied chatter, like the racial debate not too long ago.. Now I'm confused and feeling more pompous Prose, verbose, self-regarding, yes, I won't dispute that-- but again that was how my thoughts flowed, there was no intention of expressing detail or conveying my "insanity" in any fluid or linear pattern, lyrical or convincing. I feel like a queer cafe-court lawyer with this talk of being convincing. You offer little beyond that to correct or improve, not that I feel that you are somehow obligated to extend any such aid, but I am compelled to ask... an anal inclination, mostly.
Re: a comment on If time can not persuade, then one must goad. by SupremeDreamer	28-Aug-04/8:36 PM
You ask as if I had a reason or purpose in mind for skewing the rhyme scheme. It just sort of came out that way in my head really, plus I was not aware that some sort of "formal" point had been expected or assumed by default... It jars, yes, thats pretty clear- any suggestions on where to begin straightening its spine?
Re: I Got A Girl by <{Baba^Yaga}>	25-Aug-04/9:16 AM
perhaps if stretched just a bit, it would be a satisfying song, but I'm picky on music anyway. Loved the first three stanzas, the first chorus was ok, fourth stanza didn't do all too well (which, dur, is why theres a fucking improv, but you know me when I blab, it rolls onwards.) And ofcourse I relate except that I've only just met the first girl that I really actually had feelings that go beyond lust.. oddly enough.. different topic though, but you'll hear of it sooner or later... I've crawled out of the rock that kept me cozy and diseased, finally.. well, heres my worn out voting line: blessed with seven.
Re: untitled :( by XxRuby_KillsXx	25-Aug-04/8:59 AM
______________________________________________ "I wonder out of my dark tomb" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Did you wonder, as in ponder, or _wander_ as in roam? Big difference girlie. ______________________________________________ "as I remembered all your lies" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ First you started off speaking in the present tense, and then shifted to the past tense, which isn't good grammar. It confuses people, and they won't know whether they should be considering these actions as presently occuring or having already occurred. Crippled poems don't succeed with crutches, and if it's handicapped, in poetic sense, it's as good as dead. ______________________________________________ "I could still here my cries" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Now did you mean 'here' as in 'Come here' or _hear_ as in 'I can hear you'? Again, big difference, causes most seasoned writers to laugh or chuckle, and we really can't help it... It matters girlie. ______________________________________________ "From when you choked me with all my ties" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Now honestly, did you wear ties? I'm confused, perhaps you're into the late 80's style dyke-drag queen scene? If your forcing the rhyme, it detracts from the poem, cripples it, and the resultant chuckles then kill it. Don't ever force rhyme, if you want a rhyme structure, make it natural and fluid-- if it won't fit, fuck it and free verse.. you're better off in the long run, natural rhyming takes awhile for some to develope. ______________________________________________ "migraines from all the flashbacks was worser than" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Worser, as my fourth grade teacher stressed, "Is never to be used. It is not a word, it is bastardised english. Illiterate people are the only ones who have an excuse for horrible grammar, but you folks are not illiterate." Worse is never stressed. There's two choices: Worse or Worst. Example: 'My headaches are continually getting worse.' OR 'This is the worst use of grammar I have ever seen.' ______________________________________________ "Ever since we made love out in sea" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Out in sea? It's proper english to make use of articles, which are the words, -a- , -an- , and -the-. So it should be written as such: "Ever since we made love out in the sea." Now, did you guys figure out the secret to swimming and fucking while also having to deal with the waves and the currents, or did you make love _on the beach_? DON'T FORCE THE RHYME... ______________________________________________ "I though I had nothing to fear" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 'thought' -- Obviously a typo right? Well, that's not a good excuse anyway, specially when theres http://www.spellcheck.net -- CHECK IT, CORRECT IT. Then you won't have jerks like me pointing it out afterwards, comprende? ______________________________________________ "No reason to throw out a tear" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is what happens when you force the rhyme, you end up making statements that don't really make too much sense at all. DON'T FORCE THE RHYME, IT IS A POETIC CRIME, PLEASE ATLEAST TAKE THE TIME TO PERFECT THE FUCKING DESIGN. Ok? Just trying to grind it in so it sticks. ______________________________________________ "but a women with a knife" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Women? Is he killing one _WOMAN_ or several _WOMEN_? Use the plural and singular forms correctly please, or folks'll just get confused, irritated, or really amused. Unless you intend to confuse, irritate, or amuse the reader, you will cripple the poem. If it was supposed to be a pimple, post it as such (in which case it would deserve a freakin ten and a special award.) ______________________________________________ "Then stabbed the women in the chest" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Same thing again. GRAMMAR IS IMPORTANT IN WRITING AND BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY AND NOT APPEAR ILLITERATE. Now I'm done being anal.. and I feel like a crabby english teacher, which is horrible, but it's essential to know this shit. Next, some things I liked: _______________________________________________ I just wish you could be dead I would love to see you laying hopelessly covered in red ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Even though it's forced rhyme, and the use of red in place of blood is pretty old, it still shows some promise for you. So it's noteworthy at the least. The emotion is there, the message is somewhat clear (though horribly expressed and badly written.) so you simply need to practice writing, using correct grammar, improving your spelling, and ofcourse: YOU SHOULD READ POETRY FROM THE MASTERS-- Allen Ginsberg, T.S. Eliot, Jack Kerouac, Arthur Rimbaud, William S. Burroughs, Edgar Allen Poe, etc, etc, who ever gives you the right dose and style of poetic injection to give you an idea of how real poetry is written and crafted. I will refrain from voting, for some reason I feel like being merciful and not going for the kill.. so don't get worked up, I rarely ever point out this stuff kindly, and the proofreading above isn't shit compared to when I thrash horrible poems worse than yours. I too sucked at spelling and grammar, but the more I read the easier it was.
Re: Absolution by andrewjthomas	25-Aug-04/7:20 AM
Now thats a damn good anti-catholicism poem... damn it, I suck. ;/ And I hate you. Blessed with ten. Tis a fav.. I will remember to curse you beneath my breath before howling in mediocre wanting.
Re: Out Of My Mind by Enchantres	25-Aug-04/7:07 AM
To the point, clear and distinct. I could probly learn a thing or two there.. all mystic and doped as I am.. -noted- Ah, yes, Blessed with eight.
Re: Penumbra by klosterfobik	25-Aug-04/7:02 AM
(with something of a subtle grace) O' obscurity that smile on your face, Eh? sudden use of fancy ole english, and theres that simplistic rhyming scheme present, sojourn of the wind? stoic moon? murder of our love? oh, and cherry topped with a comet.. Was this supposed to be a pimple? Sorry. No sale. Chewed & Rejected. Blessed with three.
Re: Inquietude by klosterfobik	25-Aug-04/6:58 AM
walking slowly against an unthawed wind, hardly a shiver, two clinging hands - guiltless and whole. That's what stuck with me.. the rest was good too, but everyone is particular in some retarded aspect.. ah well, enough rambling: Blessed with eight.
Re: Rapid Eye Movement by wilco	25-Aug-04/6:52 AM
Mostly like it, specially the first stanza, the ending felt somewhat abrupt though. Blessed with nine.
Re: It's really hard to know what to speak to him. by fevriere	25-Aug-04/6:50 AM
Well, mes petite, you've impressed me. Think this is probly the best I've seen from you, in my opinion. Ten. And it's on the ole favorite list.
Re: Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) by Jeremi B. Handrinos	25-Aug-04/6:46 AM
Quite right my friend... but you lose a point for "prince", since I can be a asshole like that and feel good doin it.