| Re: Escapism by vulcan |
27-Aug-02/6:24 AM |
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detatched, but not all the way gone. i get the feeling he's planning the trip though. liked it.
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| Re: The Hand of God by Christof |
27-Aug-02/8:29 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Aug-02/1:23 PM |
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| Re: Midnight at the pool by flatliner |
27-Aug-02/1:27 PM |
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i love that dance! dance often, my friend!
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| Re: Confessor's Nightcap by Limness |
27-Aug-02/1:28 PM |
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so, what do you do for fun, other than lend an ear??
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| Re: Meta by nentwined |
27-Aug-02/1:32 PM |
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delightfully convoluted, yet clear.
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| Re: <{Grasping^Grendals}> by Bachus |
27-Aug-02/1:50 PM |
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she will never love you as much as her sleep! nor even as much as thr fragrant and detatched armpits of sodding peasants! other than that, i'm okay, you're okay. nice piece.
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| Re: Esplanade by Wulf |
27-Aug-02/10:25 PM |
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well, the structure is lovely, but i can't get past pronouncing it 'ess-plah-nahd' which kills the rhyming. i'm going or it being a woman's name, in my own little world o' understandings and the like. i like it--it twirls me around the room as i read it; i suppose that the act that i want to know what E is has absolutely no bearing on whether or not i will ever get that answer. care to tell us, wulf?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Aug-02/10:29 PM |
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very uneven, which i suspect you were striving for, but it needs more than that to work well. i eel the slipping, though, and want to eel it more. work with that? go in 1 direction.
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| Re: father Worked Nights by poetandknowit |
27-Aug-02/10:46 PM |
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there you go, p&k, using the banal or your steel again
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| Re: Tryst by <~> |
27-Aug-02/10:47 PM |
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my only regret is that we didn't. god help him i get him alone some night...
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| Re: Tryst by <~> |
27-Aug-02/10:49 PM |
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dammit! someone's been playing with my 'f' key. i have to bang it to get it to print. so, _ill the eff's in yerselves, fer tonight, as they seem to be evaporating...
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| Re: denied by <~> |
27-Aug-02/10:56 PM |
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okay, so song lyrics are bad poetry. but, how to make it better, mrs g? give it 6 more months, and reduce it by half?
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| Re: denied by <~> |
27-Aug-02/10:57 PM |
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is it just that's it's all spelled/spilled out?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Aug-02/11:04 PM |
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i'm feeling an awkward transition between 'til i got it hurting right' and 'and i still dream'. the rhythm alters; i skip a beat, but not enough of them to get there...also, don't forget you have wings, birdie. this is a clear-voiced song; i think the warbling is an affectation or the tourists. nothing better than a tame outside that lets you in, into the tempest
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| Re: Tryst by <~> |
27-Aug-02/11:07 PM |
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no, p&k, you got it right, the mixing of elemental forces...didn't know which would prevail--head, loins, heart...
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| Re: Tryst by <~> |
27-Aug-02/11:10 PM |
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p&k, i usually do leave quiet those things i am close too. i think this one will stay, and the other one, without metaphos, as mrs g nailed it, will find it's way back into the annals of 'things i thought once but don't want to ever see again, or else i'd have to admit to...' you know the file i mean? any way, it wouldn't be the first poem to appear for a limited engagement, and then disappear into the dark from whence it came...
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| Re: Tryst by <~> |
27-Aug-02/11:15 PM |
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| Re: Godly by brazen |
27-Aug-02/11:22 PM |
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lose the commas and the typo in the last line brazen. they'll get over it. sounds like they were living through you, and now you've gone and got individualized. high crime, that is.
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| Re: Intense Irrational Realities by Venus |
27-Aug-02/11:27 PM |
is this one of those, 'i'll show you mine' jobbers? heheheh. seriously, though, you could tighten this by dropping 'child's' in s3--it's unnecessary; maybe say 'cradled in antique gold'
? musings, musings...
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