| Re: Reptiles & Dust - Part One by Wulf |
16-Oct-02/9:07 AM |
why 162 stanzas?
not that the words are not beautiful, but there is hardly enough here to be cause for an epic length. it seems more well suited to be its own volume than to be presented thus, electronically and straining to the eyes. i must admit that the stanzas being numbered, and the length of it daunts me, especially without a rhythmic meter to pull me through it.
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| Re: On the Swings by Christof |
17-Oct-02/7:15 AM |
this sounds like great fun!
who would you like to give a little shove to, christof?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Oct-02/7:24 AM |
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nice job, limonade. concinct. (a word a teacher of mine used to use--concise and succint).
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| Re: Ode to Larkbeat Twoshoes by Nicholas Jones |
18-Oct-02/6:47 AM |
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the first 7 lines are clumsier than the balance. it is a sparkling instant, and desrves to be captured so. please consider re-working. i would love to see this shine.
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| Re: the girl what gave scott the look by UAFANTHORPEY |
18-Oct-02/6:55 AM |
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she's givin more than the look. i love this. except for the 69 reference. that's not handles as well as the rest of it. show me you know how to handle it, ua
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| Re: Stamp by worldsofwar |
18-Oct-02/6:56 AM |
why? why why why?
this sucks.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Oct-02/7:02 AM |
brothers and lovers, eh? where have i heard that before? is this new, mrs.g? i think you cauls make it clear from the outset that the scientist/prophet is not the devil. also, before he tears her apart, shouldn't he measure her, or see into her? i would like it better if you moved some stanzas around. open her doors and let him see after 'the experiments begin.' may i suggest that you describe the devil as the tempted tempter?
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| Re: casting couch by darby pyn |
18-Oct-02/7:05 AM |
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i like all the images and the way you address the situation. but if it's a fast punk song, giving it a hammering meter. then it would strike down opposition.
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| Re: Libra by Rex Karrs |
18-Oct-02/7:23 AM |
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| Re: purple and black gangstaz theme tune by rosiebailey |
18-Oct-02/7:35 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Oct-02/6:42 PM |
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it does degenerate. but it has moments of lovliness. will you put the time in to make it shine? until then, have a 7
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Oct-02/6:43 PM |
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this makes you sound like you are after 14 yr olds. true? boo.
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| Re: Darkness by The_Shadows_Smile |
19-Oct-02/4:14 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Oct-02/4:26 AM |
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much better now. but, why does he imagine she smells? he has torn her open, and her smells are there for him, an atmosphere...?
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| Re: The generosity of others. by darby pyn |
21-Oct-02/7:41 AM |
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and don't listen to blanche. never rely on the kindness of strangers.
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| Re: Faith by INTRANSIT |
21-Oct-02/7:43 AM |
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i am not sure i like the fire being self-aware, but i do like this piece.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Oct-02/7:52 AM |
last line makes it sound like there is just enough poverty to last all season. also, all of the "it's" should be "its".
lovely imagery. nice tension. tenderness and nurishment. mmm
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Oct-02/8:01 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Oct-02/8:01 AM |
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| Re: hah by xanthippe |
21-Oct-02/8:04 AM |
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