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Ode to Larkbeat Twoshoes (Free verse) by Nicholas Jones It was once a point in time,
But insecurity breeds a need
To re-mythologise one's life.
According to rules built over time,
I can be a person I love -
As mental processes break down
An epiphanic moment must be found,
And I have centred on a moment from my past.
All of us were drunk, I think, at the party,
We called you Vick, because you preferred it
To Vicky, or Victoria.
'I hate my name' you said,
'In that case', James replied
'I'll rename you Larkbeat Twoshoes'
And everything changed
As he uttered these words.
Larkbeat, can you hear me?
What has become of you?
Are you still the girl
That I once knew?
Up the ladder:
Stop it I'm Dizzy!
Down the ladder:
9/2/2003
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.5454545
Posted: October 18, 2002 4:23 AM PDT; Last modified: October 18, 2002 4:23 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.7727275 Overall Rank: 1753 Comments:
[8]
Christof @ 195.172.133.226
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18-Oct-02/6:09 AM
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Reply
I liek the reminiscence and the ending of the poem, but i don't know about the beginning - maybe it seems a bit wordy, and I don't quite see the connection between Vick and you becoming a 'person you can love'. The conversational tone of the rest of it is ace though. And Larkbeat Twoshoes is a fantastic name.
[n/a]
Nicholas Jones @ 137.44.1.200
> Christof
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20-Oct-02/4:11 AM
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Reply
The first seven lines I wrote years ago, probably at the time the poem describes, the rest I wrote last week. For some reason, those seven lines have stayed in my mind for the last five years, exactly as I wrote them, while I've forgotten the rest. So I invented a new ending. There is a bit of a shift between the two parts, but I'm not sure that's a bad thing.
the first 7 lines are clumsier than the balance. it is a sparkling instant, and desrves to be captured so. please consider re-working. i would love to see this shine.
I must be in a good mood, everything looks brilliant today. My only peeve is the use of 'time' twice and the end of a line.
That was deliberately, but maybe it doesn't work. I guess it emphasises the sense of the importance of a single moment of time, but also that time is an ongoing process.
refreshingly inaccsessable. congradulations. way to get the reader to be empathetic towards anyone, just a one, in this ode. anyone. maybe james, maybe her, but nay...why, cuz i'm left wondering. why should i give a shit. i pray she keeps both of her shoes?, cuz i truly i'm that interested in the whole lot of you. really. it'll make that big of a difference when i wake up tomorrow. honestly.e
amazing. like speaking life into a rib.
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