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Ode to Larkbeat Twoshoes

Member since 2002 · Posted 18 Oct 2002 · 7 comments

It was once a point in time, But insecurity breeds a need To re-mythologise one's life. According to rules built over time, I can be a person I love - As mental processes break down An epiphanic moment must be found, And I have centred on a moment from my past. All of us were drunk, I think, at the party, We called you Vick, because you preferred it To Vicky, or Victoria. 'I hate my name' you said, 'In that case', James replied 'I'll rename you Larkbeat Twoshoes' And everything changed As he uttered these words. Larkbeat, can you hear me? What has become of you? Are you still the girl That I once knew?

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11 votes so far. Yours would make 12.11 votes so far

7 comments

[8] Christof 18-Oct-02/6:09 AM Reply

I liek the reminiscence and the ending of the poem, but i don't know about the beginning - maybe it seems a bit wordy, and I don't quite see the connection between Vick and you becoming a 'person you can love'. The conversational tone of the rest of it is ace though. And Larkbeat Twoshoes is a fantastic name.

[n/a] Nicholas Jones › Christof 20-Oct-02/4:11 AM Reply

The first seven lines I wrote years ago, probably at the time the poem describes, the rest I wrote last week. For some reason, those seven lines have stayed in my mind for the last five years, exactly as I wrote them, while I've forgotten the rest. So I invented a new ending. There is a bit of a shift between the two parts, but I'm not sure that's a bad thing.

[n/a] <~> 18-Oct-02/6:47 AM Reply

the first 7 lines are clumsier than the balance. it is a sparkling instant, and desrves to be captured so. please consider re-working. i would love to see this shine.

[7] god'swife 18-Oct-02/9:23 AM Reply

I must be in a good mood, everything looks brilliant today. My only peeve is the use of 'time' twice and the end of a line.

[n/a] Nicholas Jones › god'swife 20-Oct-02/4:31 AM Reply

That was deliberately, but maybe it doesn't work. I guess it emphasises the sense of the importance of a single moment of time, but also that time is an ongoing process.

[2] Bachus 18-Oct-02/1:08 PM Reply

refreshingly inaccsessable. congradulations. way to get the reader to be empathetic towards anyone, just a one, in this ode. anyone. maybe james, maybe her, but nay...why, cuz i'm left wondering. why should i give a shit. i pray she keeps both of her shoes?, cuz i truly i'm that interested in the whole lot of you. really. it'll make that big of a difference when i wake up tomorrow. honestly.e

[9] horus8 6-Dec-02/5:33 PM Reply

amazing. like speaking life into a rib.