poemranker ::The generosity of others. by darby pyn

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 21285

The generosity of others.

by darby pyn

Member since 2002 · Posted 19 Oct 2002 · Edited 21 Oct 2002 · 18 comments

Sage scent floors with no room to grow stiffen my posture holds my bow at attention. dizzy from the smoke coated prayers with no knees just needs. I or nothing manicured widows in white dress and green eyes trade fingers for palms on sunday. ceremony not service. popularity from thrift with diamond watches and gold plated heart's well versed in spin but not sincerity. twist the contradiction to a noose. hang the messenger.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.14 weighted 5.31 rank 3611 views 182 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

18 comments

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 19-Oct-02/12:44 PM Reply
This isn't about generosity. Write another poeme saying how important it is to be generous.
[n/a] darby pyn › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 19-Oct-02/1:15 PM Reply
I will try. I dont tend to write poems with positive
themes well. I like to expose a situation I dislike and
in that make the point about it's validity. I know it's a
round the bout way but that's just the way I write.
this poem is about my private school years " Baptist temple
christian academy" and all the hypocrisy I saw. but
I will give it a shot.
[9] god'swife 19-Oct-02/2:52 PM Reply
I really connect with the way you write. It needs some refining, but you have a natural and distinctive flow. It's 'cerEmony' . I'm impressed by many of your images. The penultimate line is a true beauty. Pause after "posture' . 'hold' to 'holding' a want a line break between 'smoke' & 'coated'.

Sage
Scents floors with no room to grow. stiffen
my posture, holding my bow at attention.
dizzy from the smoke
coated prayers with no knees, just needs.
I or nothing. nothing. no thing just
manicured widows, white dress and green
eyes trade fingers for palms on sunday. ceremony
not service. popularity from thrift with diamond watches
gold plated hearts well versed in spin but not
sincerity? twist the contradiction to a noose.
hang

the messenger
[n/a] darby pyn › god'swife 19-Oct-02/3:04 PM Reply
much better. I realy do need an editor:). thank you again.
[9] god'swife › darby pyn 19-Oct-02/3:06 PM Reply
How much time do you spend editing yourself?
[n/a] darby pyn › god'swife 19-Oct-02/4:31 PM Reply
not long maybe an hour. mostly check for spelling errors.
though you couldn't tell lately. it's like my guitar
playing there is no structure it's not style it's
more a spontaneous cumbustion and I would rather explode
than be a conductor and suppress the moment. I have
never been diagnosed but I must have add.
[9] god'swife › darby pyn 19-Oct-02/5:55 PM Reply
You have to play with the words, the way you would play with sounds to create melodies. I'ts a very creative thing, my favorite part of writing. Re-arranging the furniture til I get the room the way I want it. I have my supicions about ADD. It seems an easy excuse for everything. I can't concetrate enough on the routine things, paying bills for example, I 'm always runing aroun at the last minute, or putting my keys int he same place twice. But if I'm doing something I'm meant to do, then I could do it for hours
[n/a] darby pyn › god'swife 19-Oct-02/7:15 PM Reply
very true. my rant explanation sounds like nervous laughter
Im sure my ADD comment pertains to that. their is
is no excuse. I just need more practice.
[n/a] Nicholas Jones 20-Oct-02/4:28 AM Reply
This has a voice of its own, which is something very hard to achieve.
[n/a] darby pyn › Nicholas Jones 20-Oct-02/10:40 AM Reply
Thank you Nicholas.
[7] <~> 21-Oct-02/7:41 AM Reply
and don't listen to blanche. never rely on the kindness of strangers.
[9] god'swife 21-Oct-02/9:16 AM Reply
On 6th read I very much kike this as is. You have a rawness which perhaps should stay raw.
[9] god'swife › god'swife 21-Oct-02/9:18 AM Reply
Umm, I meant to say like, not kike, sorry.
[n/a] ==Doylum › god'swife 21-Oct-02/9:29 AM Reply
I don't belive you. I knew you were a terrible racist, trying to cover it up won't help. It surfaces in the end, and in the most unexpected of places. You are a rascal
[n/a] ==Doylum › ==Doylum 21-Oct-02/10:13 AM Reply
Moses
proposes
that all those with hooked noses
be hencefore loved and liked
not to be confused with cut and kiked
as gods better half gets confused
over which one should be used
in any given situation
but it could clear up trouble in a disputed nation
and yet since even god is on the wane
and at the risk of sounding too profane
the moor men hear her with brows that glisten
the less they are inclined to listen
especially since they are regularly kiked
with a boot thats swished and spiked
[6] Tintagiles 21-Oct-02/10:01 AM Reply
'Hang the messenger' is excellent. Nice twist on the normal phrase.
[5] poetandknowit 6-Dec-02/10:04 PM Reply
Obviously just another punk song.
[10] The_Third_Isis 13-Dec-03/12:48 PM Reply
I'am flatered by your most gratus comment...may i set the mood?I'll take of B.holliday" and put on "give it away now" by t.r.hot chili pepp's.I love your verse I will borrow a bit to put light on your voyerism you have my 'perssimon' to enter the realm any time.Dizzy from the icy smoke coated player's,diamond crotches,& gold plated card pay the rent..again.Manicured widowssucking on elated but almost dead "mates".Well dressed in sin he's mothers heart does beat within he's own.He will make more $$than bin ladin,publishing he's circumcision, and yes he's beloved Jocastas jealus son /scor. A tooth like decision.So untwist the noose and chag the messenger like h. kissinger under the misttletoe. your's get's a 10 I gott to run to south beach and get my claws manicured MEEEAAOOOW, for now.