Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 16:27:13 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

The generosity of others. (Free verse) by darby pyn

Sage scent floors with no room to grow stiffen my posture holds my bow at attention. dizzy from the smoke coated prayers with no knees just needs. I or nothing manicured widows in white dress and green eyes trade fingers for palms on sunday. ceremony not service. popularity from thrift with diamond watches and gold plated heart's well versed in spin but not sincerity. twist the contradiction to a noose. hang the messenger.

god'swife

19-Oct-02/2:52 PM

I really connect with the way you write. It needs some refining, but you have a natural and distinctive flow. It's 'cerEmony' . I'm impressed by many of your images. The penultimate line is a true beauty. Pause after "posture' . 'hold' to 'holding' a want a line break between 'smoke' & 'coated'.

Sage
Scents floors with no room to grow. stiffen
my posture, holding my bow at attention.
dizzy from the smoke
coated prayers with no knees, just needs.
I or nothing. nothing. no thing just
manicured widows, white dress and green
eyes trade fingers for palms on sunday. ceremony
not service. popularity from thrift with diamond watches
gold plated hearts well versed in spin but not
sincerity? twist the contradiction to a noose.
hang

the messenger

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