| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Aug-03/6:15 PM |
"And let me speak to the yet unknowing world
How these things came about. So shall You hear
Of carnal, bloody and unnatural acts;
Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters;
Of deaths put on by cunning and forc'd cause;
And, in this upshot, purposes mistook
Fall'n on th' inventors' heads. All this can I
Truly deliver." W.S. (H, Act V, sc.2)
arrows, eternity--lose the repeat.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Aug-03/6:23 PM |
why 2 xx's?
piercing
in new generation
new creation
viewed with reverence
how quickly--becomes an opinion. delete 'how' and then it is the way things are.
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| Re: Tuning Fork by rusty |
4-Aug-03/6:25 PM |
faceted.
this is the best of your 4.. break it down again, and hone it. it's a little sharp, still, for a sockles child, even in reverie.
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| Re: Fish by http://findingwater |
4-Aug-03/6:33 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Aug-03/6:38 PM |
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have you checked e-bay? they have all kinds of stuff.
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| Re: Arousing Love by LuckyJoe |
4-Aug-03/6:38 PM |
it takes a fresh view, joe. yes, you're right there with the humanity of the experience--but you're reporting it, and i want you to make me feel it. all night's the best of the lot. but, check out the helpful hints here:
http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/CraftOfPoetry/imagery.html
and, show me, dammit!
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| Re: my company by girlandwords |
5-Aug-03/6:26 AM |
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you could do with a few apostrophes, poetess
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| Re: I wanna die by scitz |
5-Aug-03/6:44 AM |
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oh scitz! suh a guilty pleasure, the pimple poem! and you are a master of it! what a conun-fucking-drum! 10. for polishing the craft.
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| Re: The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus |
5-Aug-03/6:52 AM |
okay, re-reading, i'm making a suggestion to change the last stanza, again, making it more active, less passive. *also* watch how many commas you use! they really break up a piece. if you can get away without using them,. do so.
Fate in a horizontal line:
The illuminated split of jade through black.
Time, revered by an impervious staff.
They destroy the remnants of her, in sheets.
They make the bed for another,
Leaving me to silence.
there's still something missing, but you'll find it. you'll sharpen your sword if you can manage to cut away the passive voice, cad.
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| Re: Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend |
5-Aug-03/7:22 AM |
"The world is thin as paper," I thought.
"And as fragile as glass."
the paper makes a nice circuit to the intro, but the fragile as glass bit--crap. over-used, maudlin sap.
my complimets on your vividly descriptive second and 3rd stanzas. good work, there.
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| Re: the birth of venus by princesszoe |
5-Aug-03/7:25 AM |
birth, or death? or too-rapid decline.
this is the larva of a great one.
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| Re: Phantom Space Adventure by SupremeDreamer |
5-Aug-03/7:27 AM |
jim! i'm done for! a cosmic thread has warped and wrapped me, worm-and-black holed me...i die, a red dwarf among yellow giants....
<hurl>
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Aug-03/7:29 AM |
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someone please send this to margaret!
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| Re: Joe is Dead Now by Freethinker1602 |
5-Aug-03/7:31 AM |
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p.s.--sorry for your loss.
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| Re: A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
5-Aug-03/7:35 AM |
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so, i really enjoyed the parts in between the lines. really.
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| Re: He's Dead You Bastards (for zzinia) by scitz |
5-Aug-03/8:49 AM |
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oh, god. i hate to encourage this sort of thing.
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| Re: Portsmouth belle 2 by Garrett S Sexton |
5-Aug-03/12:22 PM |
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this is a lyric. and a damn fine one at that.
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| Re: I An Anew (re edit) by scitz |
5-Aug-03/12:24 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Aug-03/1:29 PM |
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there. now that's a succinct whole. nicely done.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Aug-03/9:54 PM |
yowzah. does that count as an acrostic?
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