Re: a comment on Jennifer Entire by Goad |
28-Jan-04/1:53 PM |
I don't mind at all. If there ever was anything I held sacrosanct (unlikely) I simply wouldn't post it here.
now if YOU don't mind...
the part you say you can't make out, do you mean L.8-10? If so that's quite interesting, because this whole part was edited & expanded after the crucifiction on Eratosphere, in an attempt to provide some setting. It didn't appease them. : (
originally it was:
The woman has in eyes lost
an entire history in that dark
behind the waves in our endless sun
(Oh California) under trees we have retreated
that woman in vast dark eyes entire
always away looking oblique and strong
with sideways fast looks that fill me in
entire
...
do you think I should try and rework that part to have as much ambiguity as the middle, rather than less as I was trying?
the middle is massive ambiguity. I'm kinda proud of it, really, as an experiment -- it's not particularly easy to do. You can group the words in so many ways to make valid phrases.
I'm thinking about ditching the entire-ly. You're probably right. It's gimmicky and breaks the flow.
But anyway, you are the only person who has ever expressed any appreciation for this one. And I busked it, so it's been seen by hundreds of people. I don't remember ever selling a single one, though I stubbornly gave it a spot on my display for several weeks. I'm fond of it because I like remembering the girl...
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Re: a comment on I smell coffee by Princess_Snowflake |
27-Jan-04/5:51 PM |
I roast my own coffee. NO wait! I meant that only in the non-metaphorical sense, really. I mean really I do, I have a roaster and I buy the beans green and that way I can roast them exactly the way I, um, like them.
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Re: a comment on My happy warm faith poem by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
27-Jan-04/5:43 PM |
and "my mom is calling me a sinner
because I have my pinner all moist"
we loved that too.
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Re: a comment on Camera Obscura by Fear of Garbage |
27-Jan-04/5:39 PM |
Oh, well I'm sure the <<< >>> will help it escape notice.
Who are the poets-of-note these days? I've been completely out of touch with poetry & fiction for many years. I just buy each Iain Banks novel as he releases them, and that's about it.
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Re: a comment on I smell coffee by Princess_Snowflake |
27-Jan-04/5:26 PM |
Poetry is supposed to evoke strong internal images. And this pome evoked a very strong internal image in me as I read it, of Princess_Snowflake with, er, something in her mouth. Therefore I must conclude that it is excellent poetry indeed.
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Re: a comment on I smell coffee by Princess_Snowflake |
27-Jan-04/5:24 PM |
This pome is vastly better than yours. Yours didn't make me think of getting a blowjob AT ALL!
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Re: a comment on My Life As a Single Teenage Girl by Princess_Snowflake |
27-Jan-04/5:21 PM |
NOOO!!! be careful, she edits. Take your comment back, or she will blithely delete the unintentional double entendre.
Have you read her coffee poem? lololol.
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Re: My Life As a Single Teenage Girl by Princess_Snowflake |
27-Jan-04/5:18 PM |
Once again, you crack me up. If only you were doing it on purpose.
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Re: a comment on Camera Obscura by Fear of Garbage |
27-Jan-04/5:10 PM |
Isn't it a treat to find these pomes after all the unoisuckkok's and KrazyLoveDazy37's and CristalWanker's? it's worth enduring a couple dozen inane, mindless whining teenagers to find one who's a gothic genius.
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Re: a comment on Lullaby by Goad |
27-Jan-04/5:02 PM |
Thank you. And thank you for leaving this comment, because I hadn't come across any of your pomes before. I've just spent the last two hours reading them, and it was an enormously enjoyable two hours.
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Re: Murderers in the Tropics by Fear of Garbage |
27-Jan-04/4:58 PM |
you delightful little gothic child you.
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Re: a comment on Camera Obscura by Fear of Garbage |
27-Jan-04/4:39 PM |
z, I think I can tell she's a chick. I started with "Love in the Tropics" though, so I guess that's not fair. But I agree with all your other adjectives. You forgot "fuckin' good."
F.o.G., do you know Martha Hollander? You might enjoy her.
I like "eating my cake with a fork and grating"
I don't get the connection between five leaves left and the camera obscura. Can you enlighten me--I hate feeling stupid.
Oh, and fix the spelling of excellent.
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Re: The Astronaut in Trouble by Fear of Garbage |
27-Jan-04/4:15 PM |
"You are taking up my Oxygen, Nitrogen,
Argon, you are taking up my arrogance." is great.
The rest is (for you) mediocre.
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Re: The Feild In Which I Live by Fear of Garbage |
27-Jan-04/4:13 PM |
Was the spelling of field really intentional? I agree with god'swife, the last line -- content of which is superb, no complaints there -- should be tidied up. If not by deleting the extra then, at least break it differently.
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Re: a comment on The Feild In Which I Live by Fear of Garbage |
27-Jan-04/4:08 PM |
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Re: a comment on bitch on the triple word score by middenHeap |
25-Jan-04/3:19 PM |
mmmm, and I just realized it makes no sense for him to be getting 5 tiles. I should change it to "my tiles".
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Re: Lonely Tears by broken_wing11 |
24-Jan-04/2:29 PM |
omigod this is the best pome I've read on this site since I came here. I spewed bavarian beer and veggie weiners all over my keyboard. Omigod, my gut hurts. I can't breathe. Whew.
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Re: The Grandfather Suite by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
24-Jan-04/7:19 AM |
Thank God, Grandma kept Grandpa well-trained
And all of his bad habits constrained
But it took her some time
To get him in line
And he'd long since all carpets bestained.
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Re: a comment on Cherry Blossoms (anti-haiku) by middenHeap |
14-Jan-04/7:25 AM |
my limerick is based on true events. MM poked his groin at a security guy backstage, and the security guy sued him.
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Re: Dry Beast Night by fevriere |
14-Jan-04/7:02 AM |
Oh, well done! So that's what a sestina is. I'll have to have a go at one. Has it rhythmical requirements, or does it require only the reuse of the end words?
strick should be stricken. I don't know what mistiful should be -- misted? mistful?
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