Argh!

Hmmmm...I like this one better.

Very nice...

:: giggle ::

w00t!

I like it :)

It doesn't read like poetry to me, but then I haven't heard it spoken. It could be...like a sort of a monologue form of it. It's scary, though. I know people who've tried to do this to me. I generally help them find their way out of my life.

It's not written for toddlers who've got a basic command of English, but have never read anything in their lives that didn't have illustrations. That seems to be what most "critics" are looking for in poetry. They can just look elsewhere, and save the rudeness for toddlers who will be impressed by it. Clue: Rudeness doesn't make you a better critic. A sound critique does.

Density isn't the issue...At the time, it was written as a message...long story. For the general public, though, I probably should add a couple more stanzas at the beginning. My perspective of the world at large might be a little skewed because I've been around mostly people who are mystics in some way, all my life. When that's a social basis, rather than one being a sort of an island of awareness in a sea of oblivion, one tends to write as if it's common. I'll see what I can do for the revision.

Thank you all for your comments. I had no idea that this little work would spark so much discussion. I had my doubts about leaving it so "raw", but that's just how the feelings came out. Word of caution to those going through similar things, though...Love and possession are separate issues, but sometimes if you don't go for it, Fate will kick you in the arse until you go the way you need to. I learned that the hard way.

I'll admit, the metre is a bit off, but those are the feelings, and that's how I put them out. It's what so many of us want to say, but are afraid to, because you're not allowed to remind a woman that Nature is neutral, and not on anybody's side but the strong, even if you are a woman who's been through hell.

It's about superdeduction, which manifests itself in what some people would call telepathy.
The poem is about two people whose minds are superdeductive; one attempting to deceive the other, but the other, aware of the facades that are often put up to block.
The latter is the "narrator" of the poem...and is sometimes referred to by their peers as "dead eye" which is old western slang for someone with excellent shooting aim.

Balthazar, you read it right. The funniest part is that this is based on things guys have actually said to me.
"You need to be put in your place," and such...as if we are not all where we are already.

They've already confessed their love to the person. They just have no intention to pursue any kind of a relationship, because it is known to be unfeasable. The rejection has already been dealt with. The idea behind it is that the one who is desired should not be afraid of the fact that they are loved by the narrator, because the love just stands as it is...dignified, existing, but non possessive.

Thank you all for your comments. They are much appreciated. If you really love me, you might consider making a submission to shoggoth.net. We need more poets. H.P. Lovecraft penned some good lines in his day.

Nice imagery :)

I like it :)

This one hits me where it's tender. I like it :)

It is beautiful...but...It seems unfinished.

I like it :)