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Hip Nos (Lyric) by kthulah i've hung the bells in my hair
and taped the nails to my chin
i walk the streets in the dead of night
fighting the dreamer within
my eyes would close on their own
must i now glue back my lids
party animal come to save me
from sleep sanity forbids
it's in there it's waiting for me
twisting staircases behind the
wall to my destruction i see
chaos in ascendancy
my face reflects in the snow
the hands of youth gnarl to fists
each day the lines run ever deeper
my hair turns white as the mists
take me out to the club
dance with me 'til i'm falling
use my body for anything just
keep my chaos from crawling
it's in me it's in you in them
it's the sharp in shards of a gem
snapping our reality's stem
have to fight my R E M
have to fight this finding him
restful sleep a mem'ry grim
don't forget to say your prayers
better cleaner cuts than tears
Up the ladder:
Battlefield, Girl.
Down the ladder:
the rose
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0833335
Posted: July 12, 2002 10:24 PM PDT; Last modified: July 12, 2002 10:24 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0609217 Overall Rank: 6653 Comments:
[8]
razorgrin @ 142.166.107.159
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30-Jul-02/6:04 AM
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Reply
i enjoy. crawling chaos=good. it's a subtle bit of allusion and it makes me gleeful.
More people need to write poetry about tentacled elder gods. I know it's been done, but for fuck's sake what beats tentacles? Not that I'm a tentacle anime freak or anything.
tentacles answer everything.unless you're an anime schoolgirl.then they cause problems.(8 by the way)
ooh. ooh. ah. nice meter. nice alliteration. nice mood. "it's the sharp in shards of a gem" sharp poem.
The Necronomicon is for Metallica fans. Try the Lesser Key of Solomon (Goetia) By Mr. Crowley (He ripped it off from Mathers) for better results at bringing to life Mr. Lovecraft's work.
this is a fine-crafted-hoof built to last. precise. like a wicked little current set on bringing in the giant squid should be, or better yet, "RELEASE THE KRACHEN!". i liked it i says 9, chalk line. and fu-q bach-ass i've got you're #, and lars is my favorite drummer bitch...fog.hook.semen.raindrop.acid
There are actually a couple of good lines in here - a couple. Try to find them and start over. It is like a word puzzle - find the good lines in your own poem.
It's not written for toddlers who've got a basic command of English, but have never read anything in their lives that didn't have illustrations. That seems to be what most "critics" are looking for in poetry. They can just look elsewhere, and save the rudeness for toddlers who will be impressed by it. Clue: Rudeness doesn't make you a better critic. A sound critique does.
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