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Birth (Haiku) by nentwined
warm evelopement nurturing bath, burning love ends with explosion

Down the ladder: Me and my 'ompanion

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 2074
.. 05
.. 58
.. 65
.. 58
.. 41
.. 12
.. 20
.. 04
.. 28
.. 1327

Arithmetic Mean: 6.525
Weighted score: 6.525
Overall Rank: 666
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST
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Comments:
[4]... anonymous @ | 19-Jun-01/1:31 AM | Reply
I always expect the last line of a haiku to have a disjointed feeling from the first two lines. Trying to follow the poet's leap is part of the attraction of the form. This seems too close.
[4]... anonymous @ | 27-Jun-01/4:34 PM | Reply
Most people are ignorant, I think; they don't realize that haikus are difficult to write. Nice job.
[4]... anonymous @ | 13-Jul-01/7:13 PM | Reply
Curt, decisive, and to the point. You will get wet, you may get soaked!
[n/a] ifni @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
Good. Finally, the proper conflict of imager that haiku depend on.
[4]... anonymous @ | 17-Apr-02/2:40 AM | Reply
don't quite get the last line. but otherwise perfect.

note: envelopment. (no third 'e'.)
[4]... anonymous @ | 23-Apr-02/9:30 PM | Reply
Wow, people like this one, don't they? Yeah, it's great, but... I don't know. It's just not ME.
[7] mikejedw @ | 10-May-02/7:18 AM | Reply
This is good. It's content suggests more of a senryu than a haiku. It's use of the form is very faithful. Spell checking would've helped ;)
[4]... anonymous @ 62.254.32.4 | 19-May-02/1:30 AM | Reply
too "eventful" to be a haiku really, the haiku is like the nut of one moment seen and cracked gently. also dunno if its accurate .. birth only explosive in certain circs.. water birth not, the essence is being "unwrapped" being exposed to whatever it iS that is prepared on the outside. like a poem really
[10] elmundo @ 62.7.3.62 | 19-May-02/11:16 AM | Reply
the big bang...fantastic
[n/a] deleted user @ 152.163.197.208 | 25-May-02/7:02 PM | Reply
Im sorry i do appreciate abstract poems, but I dont really understand. I was thinking it meant first u feel safe and cuddly then BOOM!!! things go wrong.
[3] Angel_of_fait @ 209.33.176.48 | 9-Jul-02/7:19 PM | Reply
hhmmmm i do not kno but it sold me short this haiku will be a ponder in my thoughts
[7] deleted user @ 24.199.93.49 | 12-Jul-02/8:32 AM | Reply
Primal, raw, thus lacking some of the Haiku's elegance, but a fine effort.
[10] webguy @ 216.34.217.190 | 16-Jul-02/8:16 AM | Reply
image/image/image....good job
[8] kthulah @ 213.8.115.251 | 30-Jul-02/5:28 AM | Reply
Nice imagery :)
[5] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 4-Aug-02/1:48 PM | Reply
73 10's, Jesus Christ. What are you some kind of Messiah, cuz I read the poem, and I'm a little dissapointed kind of like that time I was doing a photo shoot of Sue Ann, and we had her naked up there on the hood of the car and , and.. then we hit that bump and she went under the front right tire and crushed her tit all up under me fender..She broke three ribs, but the pisser was the silicone took a month to scrub off from under my fender, and it fucks with your chrome too. Plus she was a bit out of commission, you know sexually. She could still cook and clean. But I had to jerk off for about two weeks there. So, it reminded me of that kinda.
[4] bondjedi @ 12.228.115.70 | 7-Aug-02/7:32 PM | Reply
return to the womb haikus are cliched
[n/a] Jarah @ 24.164.123.105 | 20-Aug-02/11:14 PM | Reply
That was a pretty good haiku.. uve got some talent.. keep up the good work! :-P
[7] Amelia @ 198.146.143.198 | 10-Sep-02/8:58 AM | Reply
Oh my God you have 74 "10"s. Wow. The imagery creates a very nice love scene. This is good.
[8] Tarquin De La Bog @ 213.1.45.14 | 2-Oct-02/2:00 PM | Reply
Nice, apart from the final line. 8. It's a little bit flat. 72 anonymous votes of 10 though? Marking your own work only cheats yourself. And makes you appear lonely. Don't stoop that low.
[n/a] nentwined @ 192.168.0.69 > Tarquin De La Bog | 2-Oct-02/2:05 PM | Reply
those are from a time before votes were only anonymous, and I did no stuffing. Someone else may have stuffed them -- they're also from a time before ip limiting, before ip listing...

:shrug:

I suppose explosions have been overdone..? :) I'll contemplate.
[0] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 217.35.159.3 > nentwined | 29-Dec-02/4:47 PM | Reply
How about: "ends with placenta" ?
[1] strider1 @ 212.159.107.13 | 9-Oct-02/12:05 PM | Reply
It would help if it was spelltt proopperrlie -nah-sorry it didn't sdo it for mee-1/10
[8] BenRice @ 65.242.206.130 | 18-Dec-02/10:15 AM | Reply
I agree that the haiku is somewhat eventful. Is there more of a moment you can capture? Perhaps stay with the moment right before and have only the anticipation of explosion?

I like the haiku form though and I agree that it is not so easy.
[n/a] Ranger @ 81.132.42.59 | 29-Dec-02/4:40 PM | Reply
Wurgh
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