regarding some deleted poem...	24-Feb-03/12:22 PM
No No No this will not do I say ! I see someone voted you off the top, how bloody rude and unfair here is 10 its a wonderful, read which makes one envisage the pif to the pip of the piece. I repudiate the fact that someone thinks a woman cannt be top. How bloody ludicrous for heavens sake.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Feb-03/12:25 PM
And thank you my dear for this in particular. Behind the kitchen she absently splits kindling for the stove. The linens' sudden flap calls her to lay down the hatchet; Its dark handle shaped from the limb of an old walnut growing down in the arroyo. By the way I look dashing tonight in my high breasted jacket from Estoril, wish you could see me entertain my damsel.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-03/2:48 AM
This I will herald as an important poem. You have clearly defined the martyr and the violator here. Referring to ?No vigilante Jesus? makes me think ?Damn? because in an act of violence and degradation one would think you turn to God but he offers nothing (maybe he is a man after all). No need for the metaphor police to arrest you on this my dear it challenged me the reader to ask ones self whether we are all in hell and that the concept of heaven we worship is really one huge joke in heaven. The shortest stanza (4) hurts the most it I could picture this lurching scoundrel dribbling and shaking in fetishistic orgazmo, and the victim folding like a late spring daffodil in his evil cluthces. There is no ending to this poem as far as I am concerned but that is the point, there is no end for the victim or the perpertrator, no happy ending, no kindly Ed Harris character, just a cold facet of evil and the obliteration of purity. ***8
Re: We by Nanshe	25-Feb-03/4:01 AM
The miles mean nothing and everything, try 2/3/4 different attempts at this I do like the idea but its not quite conveyed satifactory enough. But do try --6
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-03/4:03 AM
A plum read, wonderful execution of the Queens English, it reads more like a Sonnet. On this velvet cushion I bestow thee a 9. Bravo
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-03/5:35 AM
Blimey ! this must have been most awkward to write of, have you seen the film chocolat? its absolutely delightful?
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-03/12:09 PM
This is for you my dear girl, I shall now refer to you (with your consent) as 'Arete' she is not gods wife but in greek mythology was the goddess of virtue and excellence. She was a goddess in Hellenia BC and you are deserving of her name. (and besides horus has handrinos)and May I say my dear girl, now brave you are sharing this with us I had no idea and feel bloody well sad and angry. If you ever need a friend, I know I digress in these comments sometimes but I am always there for you. I adore your strength I started to exorcise one of my demons tonight but was such a coward one simply couldn't face it. Maybe I will...but i am scared Arete, There are some cruel blighters on this site. xxx love you, yours always Mr Pig x
Re: Where Time and Space End by Quarton	25-Feb-03/12:12 PM
Oh my dear boy I seem to be lost, I clicked on the wrong poem, but will read this as a courtesy, Back in a jiffy.
Re: Where Time and Space End by Quarton	25-Feb-03/12:22 PM
Righty Ho then bombs away ! I was frustrated at the finale of this piece as there is so much fun one could have with this. Their are a multitude of metaphors you could utilize representing 'her' in the last line, # 1) who is she lets give her a name, if oyu look hard enough you will find in latin or the omega plenty of demi-gods representing the universe. Something as infinite as this subject requires infinite literature. Also what is this distant planet, do tell us more. wher eis it? describe its solar rings, write as if you are watching the majesty of the deep dark universe and take us there my boy. Now on the positvive sides what a wonderful opening 4 lines, alas from there you may have got a bit lazy. Now I do hope you modify this poem because I think it would make a bloody nice change from sex, that seems to dominate and pollute the beauty we are here for. Oh there i go again oh dear, I get lost sometimes in the passion of the piece. Now I must go and water my geraniums so i bid you good day sire. --6 and please do think of what I have said. I will ask around on my travels for people to read this, infact I'll ask Mr Horus.
Re: Eros, and Psycho by horus8	25-Feb-03/12:32 PM
Now thats more like it, at last all I've seen is sex sex sex and frankly I am sick of it. Thank you for this its so pleasing to see one is hungry for knowledge other than pantomime pornography. Now my dear boy, there is something else please help me. I promised Quarton who has just posted a poem about space, that you may be able to help him with stanza 2, he may think me a darn fool but I loved stanza one but he needs to do something to stanza 2 its simply a beef wellington short of the sage, Please see what you can do I have offered some sound advice to the gentleman but theres a bloody fox trying to get at my chickens, so I must go and sound the pipe horn. Thanks awfully my boy. oh how rude heres a double ..10
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-03/12:35 PM
Astounding my dear, well done a beautiful embrace of the language. Good bloody show !
Re: His Dying Words (2nd draft) by Ranger	28-Feb-03/12:58 AM
Oh how delightful you have made a couple of amendments to the poem. I feel this may or may not help you. What you must try and engage here is the derelict open spaces and smells in the hospital, think of something fitting to connect that emptiness of the hospital corridors to the emptiness of ones emotions. If I ever walk in to a hospital the smell, and sounds always remind me of my late Aunt Violet. The last line is sweet young man but one thinks it would be beneficial for one to leave this poem a while and come back to it rabid with inspiration. I bid you good day young sire.
Re: Moon In My Blood by AtalantaPendragonne	28-Feb-03/5:05 AM
By Jove what a surreal piece of lit. You do really need to be more precise with what you are trying to convey here. This could be a rich purse of sovereigns but you've not tied it. I do like the line 'when I awake I am bleeding' its quite affecting but one needs to improve the context and enlighten the reader more as to what the bloody point is. I will give you a 5 for effort but take your time when writing poems, lock on to the emotions that make sense or else no soul will know what your talking about. I wish you well. God Speed !
Re: On coming across a field of deer one afternoon by <~>	28-Feb-03/5:08 AM
Delightful my Dear girl, bloody well done.
Re: Ten new questions from Dan Rather by horus8	28-Feb-03/6:25 AM
There are only 2 things wrong with Mr Bush 1) Everything he says. 2) Everything he does. It would be spiffing to see the man doing a multiple choice exam, he would never get past Q1. I no longer will read the newspapers about the war, I choose to watch cartoons there really is no difference between Daffy Duck and George Bush /Tony Blair, except Daffy is more intelligent. In these times take arms my dear boy and pick up your pen and write till the quills bare, these weapons of ink are the only weapons of beauty. Take care my illustrious kindred. Mr L Pig (8) - Read this confrontationally to your bosses.
Re: the midget of humiliation by Bill Z Bub	1-Mar-03/5:48 AM
You have the beginnings of a sublime work let down only by an inconclusive ending. Now my dear boy try and focus on the ending, irony would fit like a golf glove. For example you detail most beautifully 'nature' and the representation of where you lost her (S1). What you need to do is carry that on taking that beauty then ending it most cruelly with the decadence of human nature. This needs to end in a crescendo of your sufferance, I feel one owes it to ones self to strive for perfection here as this metabolic potential to be a poets poem and that Sire if you are prepared to work on the end, would be a rare endorsement from myself...8
Re: the midget of humiliation by Bill Z Bub	1-Mar-03/5:48 AM
Lose the title also, it ruins the whole shabang.
Re: The last day of an old year by poetandknowit	1-Mar-03/5:50 AM
One was amused.
Re: For my wife by INTRANSIT	1-Mar-03/5:56 AM
I bet your wife found this simply charming. I would however relinquish the line 'in a soft summer breeze' it serves little purpose without a metaphor. I have just read some of your other work and was impressed but owe it to you to study and pass comment on at my earliest convenience. I wish yourself and your wife many happy years of matrimony.
Re: His Dying Words (2nd draft) by Ranger	1-Mar-03/10:13 AM
Leave this be now my boy, write about something new, something thats inspiring then come back to this, you are trying too hard and its Saturday a young strapping lad like yourself must go to a public house and be merry.