| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
We (Haiku) by Nanshe the miles mean nothing:
counting the days between us.
so, for two, it's us.
Up the ladder:
Thought
Down the ladder:
Heartbreaker
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.7777777
Posted: February 23, 2003 9:16 PM PST; Last modified: February 23, 2003 9:16 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.388889 Overall Rank: 3204 Comments:
[n/a]
god'swife @ 209.179.135.237
|
24-Feb-03/9:17 PM
|
Reply
Great first two lines. The end is muddled.
[n/a]
Nanshe @ 67.84.174.185
> god'swife
|
24-Feb-03/9:29 PM
|
Reply
say it aloud; 'tis a pun
The miles mean nothing and everything, try 2/3/4 different attempts at this I do like the idea but its not quite conveyed satifactory enough. But do try --6
I will try this again, in sestina. I think it need more flesh, less sinewy twist. Thank you for the honesty of thine eyen.
My advice to all decent haiku authors is: abondon the haiku. If you want to keep things very short, images very simple, do so, but frankly I don't see the value in this dogmatic 575 dealie, especially here. Try a 1 1 2 3 5 8 4 2 1. Or I will.
Are you getting married? That's the idea that I am getting.
241 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
