poemranker ::We by Nanshe

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Haiku № 41400

We

by Nanshe

Member since 2003 · Posted 23 Feb 2003 · 6 comments

the miles mean nothing: counting the days between us. so, for two, it's us.

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mean 5.78 weighted 5.39 rank 3203 views 241 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

6 comments

[n/a] god'swife 24-Feb-03/9:17 PM Reply
Great first two lines. The end is muddled.
[n/a] Nanshe › god'swife 24-Feb-03/9:29 PM Reply
say it aloud; 'tis a pun
[6] Mr Pig 25-Feb-03/4:01 AM Reply
The miles mean nothing and everything, try 2/3/4 different attempts at this I do like the idea but its not quite conveyed satifactory enough. But do try --6
[n/a] Nanshe › Mr Pig 25-Feb-03/7:21 AM Reply
I will try this again, in sestina. I think it need more flesh, less sinewy twist. Thank you for the honesty of thine eyen.
[7] dmzoacan 25-Feb-03/4:26 AM Reply
My advice to all decent haiku authors is: abondon the haiku. If you want to keep things very short, images very simple, do so, but frankly I don't see the value in this dogmatic 575 dealie, especially here. Try a 1 1 2 3 5 8 4 2 1. Or I will.
[8] wLeBlancw 11-Mar-03/9:37 PM Reply
Are you getting married? That's the idea that I am getting.