Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/5:31 PM
Canadian? fair enough
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/5:16 PM
ok, unless you are actually from the UK you just lost cool points for gratuitous use of the letter U :P and i'm looking for a word that implies washed-out, used up
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/5:02 PM
hmmm, i'm thinking of changing line 8 to: with effete colors standing out so lonely. thoughts?
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/4:57 PM
added a second line for 6
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/4:54 PM
excellent feedback, thanks i agree with 6&8 but have no quick solutions at the moment made many of the changes you suggested for 23&24 but "these" stays fixed "heard" (definitely made this tighter, thanks again) courtesy should stay i think
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/4:50 PM
beloved it is, thank you so much for the excellent feedback this is the best interaction i've had anywhere online
Re: a comment on Pine by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/3:10 PM
yeah, i completely agree i just haven't had the heart to take the shears to it yet care to point out the bits that shouldn't get cut?
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/3:08 PM
oh, how about "fulsome"? that still has the general gist of what i'm trying to imply...
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/3:03 PM
heh, just as long as you don't say "saccharine" i personally don't go for any of those, but thanks also, i could change it from "shining" to "shines" and that would complete the clause...
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/2:52 PM
well, i'm no fan of overused and cliché words either but sometimes on the rare occasion they fit still, i'm open to suggestions, got any? also, do you think the un-ended clause works?
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/2:50 PM
and by that you mean...?
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/2:44 PM
wow, good critique (i really don't mind and i appreciate the in-depth commenting) i agree with dropping "and" and "The", nice catch i did mean for the passage to not form a clause but i'm still debating if it works i think if people keep getting hung up it may be a problem i'm not sold on taking out "sweet" there needs to be some kind of adjective there pointing out the beauty of the self-destruction being witnessed
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	10-Jan-04/10:13 PM
not a sonnet, sorry
Re: Air sickness bag by Shardik	10-Jan-04/10:06 PM
cute
Re: Liberty bells & Disney Land by horus8	10-Jan-04/10:05 PM
hmmm, solid concrete not sure what you are trying to say though still, it's good in what it is
Re: The canary's last song by <{Baba^Yaga}>	30-May-03/2:16 PM
i would give a higher rank, but it doesn't follow 5-7-5 syllable restriction but the content is very cool
Re: A Sonnet For Santa Claus, Who Hates Jesus, But Likes When You Buy Things by snacktime	5-May-03/10:37 AM
pretty interesting poem, structurally sound, but i think your iambic meter could use a little work i liked it, but it does feel a bit preachy (but maybe that's what you were going for?)
Re: While flipping over stones by <{Baba^Yaga}>	5-May-03/10:35 AM
your content and ryhme are excellent, and your meter over all is iambic, but you miss the "pentameter" part of the english sonnet form basically every line should have 10 syllables otherwise, good work!
Re: THE MISSING HEART by Prince of Void	5-May-03/10:32 AM
this is not a sonnet, you should look up the structure... sonnets are strictly iambic pentameter, you can deviate a little, but not that much you also follow a strict ryhme scheme depending on the type english sonnet for instance is: abab cdcd efef gg that last couplet (gg) should answer the previous stanzas somehow
Re: News Values (some time last November) by Nicholas Jones	5-May-03/10:29 AM
very well structured, very nice iambic and ryhme i would suggest working on the couplet at the end... it feels a little stilted