Re: a comment on Looking Back by x0lovelylarnx0	18-Mar-06/6:27 AM
'knowbody is perfect'...that is possibly the most ironic thing I've ever seen! I don't mean to sound harsh, it just made me chuckle. 'Element'ry' fits better than 'elementary' would.
Re: a comment on My God by ElmoBeavisButthead	18-Mar-06/6:24 AM
Oh - and I'd change the title. It seems like an exclamation at the moment and gave me a false impression before I read the poem. Don't be afraid to try a slightly more pretentious title (I love coming up with cool titles) - you could play on the biblical 'I Am' - which is the classic trick in a poem like this. So, for instance, "God, I Am" might work, or even just "I Am". What do you think?
Re: My God by ElmoBeavisButthead	18-Mar-06/6:13 AM
Hmm, I never was one for existential thought, but it's not a bad poem. I like the fact that it's concise, in a way, but then I'd also like to see it more...substantial, if you see what I mean. The first line sets a good tone for the poem; but as far as imagery goes you don't capitalise on the potential. I don't know, maybe you don't want visuals in here...that's fair enough, but my preference is to see something tactile - particularly something creative, something vivid and imaginative. Having said that, however, what you do say is said well...you don't give in to the 'preach-y' nature that often accompanies poems such as this. Have a look round various poems on here - see what you think to the styles kicking about. 7 from me - with any luck you'll get some useful advice from the better poets here.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	18-Mar-06/6:03 AM
Hmm, you'll have to take out the semicolon after '&' for it to work...copy/paste turns into copy/addsemicolon/paste here it seems...and I know nothing about computers, so I wouldn't even know how to avoid it.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	18-Mar-06/6:02 AM
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&;friendid=34804799 Judge for yourself =p
Re: Likeness by MacFrantic	18-Mar-06/5:06 AM
'Tis the season to be jolly...oh, wait. Good ending!
Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger	17-Mar-06/4:41 PM
P.S. Please may I have my 9 back =D
Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger	17-Mar-06/4:36 PM
It is too a pimple. To prove so, I would like to borrow the Pimple Checklist (courtesy of -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. Enterprises) to prove my point: [_] AABBCC rhyming scheme [_] About romantic love [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Autobiographical but in the third person [X] Braggadocious [_] Clerical errors [X] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [X] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc. [_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves, unicorns, etc. [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [X] Melodramatic [X] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [X] Overabundance of ellipses [X] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [_] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [X] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sappy [_] Suicide-related [_] Wish fulfilment That having been said, I'll get rid of the warning...I was kind of hoping someone would tell me it wasn't necessary.
Re: a comment on Mid-July by Ranger	17-Mar-06/4:23 PM
Just as good as Poe? Now that certainly is a compliment! Thank you! And yes - this sprung from a dreadful glosa I tried writing which had a quatrain from The Raven (what else?) as its basis. I love the rhythmic tricks he plays, but it's a bugger to ape in a glosa.
Re: a comment on Even the elephants by ecargo	17-Mar-06/4:11 PM
P.S. - Favourited.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	17-Mar-06/4:04 PM
Karma - Justice...what's the difference between the two concepts?
Re: Looking Back by x0lovelylarnx0	17-Mar-06/3:49 PM
Hmm...potential, but it really needs changes (in my opinion). The ideas are nice but the word choices don't do it any sort of justice. Try using fewer pronouns (this is a pretty universal rule), particularly if you want the reader to 'relate'. Also...think about rewriting this in the 3rd person - it gives you a lot more scope to be creative, to invent imagery and use metaphorical language. Which will earn you bonus points on here, trust me. Keep working at it.
Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	17-Mar-06/2:21 PM
HA! Supreme, once again. You prove once again to be the poemranker Master of Rhyme (P.I.) Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blabber childish adulation all over your poetry! -9- 'To address a Knight of the Realm as a "Mr."' - unforgivable.
Re: a comment on Indiscrete by ecargo	17-Mar-06/2:16 PM
Ha! I managed to miss the Ornella episode entirely - although I've seen the Orange Award captions, I have no idea what actually happened. And over here - I'm too broke (and too English, possibly!) to celebrate the day in style...plus all the Irish pubs will be utterly rammed tonight. But then, it wouldn't be St. P's Day otherwise - the Irish certainly know how to celebrate! Enjoy!
Re: a comment on Indiscrete by ecargo	17-Mar-06/1:50 PM
Yes - I sell King Edwards from time to time when I'm working to pay my way through uni...and lets face it, there's nothing more British than a KE. Except for a DA, of course. Actually I think it's a stunt for the university SU elections...it definitely works for me, I'll be certain to vote for a potato. By the way, just in case any more proof of how thick I am were needed, it took me weeks to work out that you used to log in here as hatters hare - you changed name while I was away. Anyhoo, happy St. Patrick's Day!
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	17-Mar-06/12:50 PM
Hmm...I give a lot to Plan International and have yet to receive from an unexpected source - can I borrow some of your relatives?
Re: The Horror The Horror by Nicholas Jones	17-Mar-06/10:29 AM
Stanza 9 - so very true. Well, I've never joined a socialist party, but still I hear what you're saying. Having missed the news yesterday I didn't get the story of those drug tests that went wrong...but that sounded like a 'The horror! The horror!' moment...
Re: solid to fall aparty by skaskowski	17-Mar-06/10:25 AM
I know of someone who had half their teeth knocked out while playing rugby; this poem made me think of that.
Re: Indiscrete by ecargo	17-Mar-06/10:16 AM
Great lines, I thought you were going to build on the rhymes in lines 1 and 2 (loved 'trophy or catastrophe?' by the way) but it works well as it is. Now, I have a very strange reading of this. It made me think of fried eggs. 'Naked' - skin-coloured shell...'deconstructed motion' - the way an egg rolls...'bucked' - 'clucked'...'morning's flat' - in the pan...'sun slap through brocade' - yolk through shell...'oddball artifact' - speaks for itself. Really, the more I think about that reading, the more I realise how weird I am. Hmm. Speaking of oddball artifacts, for two days now there's been half a potato with a small paper flag saying 'King Edward' sat on top of a car on my way to uni.
Re: Martijn by Chasz Misleading	17-Mar-06/10:09 AM
Hope Martijn liked it.