| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Indiscrete (Free verse) by ecargo Naked, it's complicated--
trophy or catastrophe?
Jazz and deconstructed motion,
hours bucked and, always, lies.
Morning's flat,
a sun slap through brocade,
and I, who am not from here,
wake, an oddball artifact,
something found.
Up the ladder:
Census
Down the ladder:
Sarah, Freefalling (twee for AlChemy)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.5
Posted: March 17, 2006 6:08 AM PST; Last modified: March 17, 2006 6:08 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.75 Overall Rank: 461 Comments:
I wonder if your title is a spelling error of 'indiscreet'? Because if so, it sounds like you're giving a terrific description of waking up in a strange apartment, after a one-night stand. (jeez, I wonder if I'm waay off the mark here).
Assuming it ain't a mistake, the title means, loosely, 'continuous' or 'not individually distinct', and I'm having trouble associating it with the rest of the poem which is very individualistic. I actually like this meaning better; it's unconventional and interesting, and I might just consider blatant plagiarism... *blushes*
You're dead on. Although I had a hotel room in mind with "brocade."
I spelled the title this way deliberately, to imply a lack of separateness, doing things out of a need for connection, connectedness (my ancient Webster's has one meaning as "not separated"). Whether it works is another matter! (I think it does for the first verse; for the second, it's more of a stretch.) I've no dibs on the word, so feel free! ;)
super
An excellent write, tracking that unreachable, uncomfortable feeling after a one-night stand. (never had one myself, but my girlfriends have told me the emotions, much like the ones visually described here)..
Well, don't let this discourage you--it's not always like this. Sometimes you wake up giddy, sated, and oddly triumphant. ;-)
Thanks for the comment and the vote.
Lol.. thanks for the positive potential, but I have to say most of my girlfriends would agree with your poem rather than the "giddy, sated and oddly triumphant" view. ;-)
278 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Now, I have a very strange reading of this. It made me think of fried eggs. 'Naked' - skin-coloured shell...'deconstructed motion' - the way an egg rolls...'bucked' - 'clucked'...'morning's flat' - in the pan...'sun slap through brocade' - yolk through shell...'oddball artifact' - speaks for itself.
Really, the more I think about that reading, the more I realise how weird I am. Hmm. Speaking of oddball artifacts, for two days now there's been half a potato with a small paper flag saying 'King Edward' sat on top of a car on my way to uni.
Well, no, I'm kidding. I never thought of eggs, not once. But it's interesting how you got there.
Ah, yes! The King Edward potato! ;) Ummm . . .
A little research yields that "King Edward potatoes have been the true British potato for centuries." http://gardenaction.co.uk/fruit_veg_diar
Maybe he or she is just a true potato patriot.
Actually I think it's a stunt for the university SU elections...it definitely works for me, I'll be certain to vote for a potato.
By the way, just in case any more proof of how thick I am were needed, it took me weeks to work out that you used to log in here as hatters hare - you changed name while I was away.
Anyhoo, happy St. Patrick's Day!
And right back atcha! About to end my workday and go find a nice Jameson rocks somewhere, in honor of the occasion. ;) Here's lookin' at ya!
And over here - I'm too broke (and too English, possibly!) to celebrate the day in style...plus all the Irish pubs will be utterly rammed tonight. But then, it wouldn't be St. P's Day otherwise - the Irish certainly know how to celebrate! Enjoy!