Re: Afraid by Brittanyy	2-Oct-03/7:53 AM
Heard the story many times before. 'The one who once would have died for me now Dies before me...' stood out, a nice play on words which is more than you get from most poems.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Oct-03/1:16 PM
Quite like the refrain of the first two lines. Not sure about the repetition of swell and nuts though.
Re: Ecohippie by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	9-Oct-03/7:35 AM
'I curse my parents for sending me, To a respectable school.' Too true
Re: A History of Truth by Blue Magpie	9-Oct-03/7:43 AM
don't like the rhyming, it seem arbitrary. Other than that I like it. Reads like a kind of thesis in verse. Glad you mentioned emerson So many ace lines, my favourite is' To swim is so much harder than to float or clasp the nearest rock and say that this is now my truth' a nice little half rhyme too. Not too didactic either which is quite a feat for a poem about truth
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Oct-03/7:49 AM
excellent poem, a few nits 1) verse 2 is a cliche 2) so is I think I knew her better than she 3) the repetiition of lines and themes 4) the abrupt turn at the end 'but this is not a love poem' somehow the fascinated not love needs to be eased into the poem earlier, either that or have it as an abrupt punchline. merely details, merely details
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Oct-03/7:52 AM
both beat in a chest within a dank dark grave? yes I like it, refreshing, the spark of an idea
Re: Never Love A Poet by Caducus	9-Oct-03/9:02 AM
first verse is the best, a very eccentric rhyming scheme but it seems to work. A small criticism is the use of a narrative too much, rather than setting the scene and letting the reader infer. When the poet takes the interpetation away from the reader, the reader feels like he is prying. Other than that good stuff
Re: A Countercultural Trip by peaceseeker	9-Oct-03/12:13 PM
not bad, a little long winded, I think it tries to deal with the beat 'beat' in a too reflective way. Good ideas about why the young condescend/ wisdom teeth/ dreads etc but needs to be snappier I think, maybe with a rhyme (just my personal preference). Don't like the title though, it is a label
Re: Reptilian by Christof	9-Oct-03/12:16 PM
It may be just my poor reading of poetry, but is the and at the end of lines 2/3/4 necessary it seems to break up the flow.. 'my drinking remembers thirst' is my favourite line
Re: B.F. by skaskowski	9-Oct-03/2:09 PM
Can't really hear it as a lyric, nevertheless nice wordplay, and poetic language with something more concrete
Re: Working man lament by Garrett S Sexton	9-Oct-03/2:15 PM
how sweet, life is shit she makes it (a bit) better somehow chillingly reminiscent the rhyme with sheep is a bit daft though
Re: Parody Of Sadness by Miggy	9-Oct-03/2:19 PM
shades of john k, a fine parody possibly should not have to tell the reader it is a parody
Re: Night On the Town by razorgrin	17-Oct-03/7:56 AM
Nice wordplay 'limonade and I share white russian' Beer that eats like a meal is a nice idea too
Re: laporoscopic library by FreeFormFixation	17-Oct-03/7:58 AM
cast a spell and gaping ears are a bit cliche. Like the furrowed brow your borrowed frown is burrowing down wordplay
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Oct-03/8:01 AM
'Lay the bones of lovers, dancing side by side Separately in boxes.' is a nice punchy line to end on
Re: Country music & handguns by <{Baba^Yaga}>	17-Oct-03/8:07 AM
More ironic if she was not true, and neither was the gun, you aiming the gun at youself and shooting her. 'I got a gun for my fist' (to replace my fist I read rather than to hold) is a cool line
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Oct-03/8:09 AM
rhyming imagine with fathom is clever. I have a problem with the triple rhyme, it seems to surprise me every time I read it, it seems unnatural
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Oct-03/8:11 AM
I don't think you should rhyme flee with see, it seems so forced.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Oct-03/8:13 AM
Cute no doubt, the only real drawback is it lacks ambition, it does not really give a killer insight.
Re: September 11, 2001: That Day by blues361	19-Oct-03/6:26 AM
'that horrible day Remembering all those innocent people lost The U.S. staying strong' Of course, had all the innocent lives lost resulted in America becoming a feeble shivering wreck, it might just have been worth it.