Re: Once they were gliders. by half.italian	20-Sep-06/3:19 PM
Half.italian Your imagery and lyrical cadences are great -- "Hack along making tin out of silience." "gutter up and sigh in turn." That's good, vivid and musical language. One thing I just realized that I think would help this. You should have named it simply "Cars" and in the second line where you say the word "cars" maybe changed that to "coupes" (the choked up coupes)or "sedans" or "wagons" or... not sure. Anyway, very nice poem.
Re: Farewell, Kind Lover by Dovina	20-Sep-06/3:27 PM
I just had to comment on one phrase, "...sprouts feeling the sky for {a} twist of updraft" Very clean and unique. Sorry for inserting the "a". That's the only change I would have made. Good work.
Re: In the hollow (rough) by ecargo	20-Sep-06/4:30 PM
Ecargo This is nice, dreamy, lyrical poem with some intersting memories and vivid descriptions. And you've gone for the fine detail, the wonderful small things (... brown, bare legs...crosshatched with careless priker scrapes..." and (...tapping in and out, double-time running hollows..) We don't often think about these, but they're what makes the poem a very intimate and honest expereince. You also have some choices that are a little too easy (e.g. we think of them right away) "...hard hands and jagged voices..." "pussy-willow spring..." "sang their soft night songs..." These have no suprise or punch. Hold out for the fresh surprises, not the "usual". Good poem!
Re: Week End Justification by half.italian	21-Sep-06/10:40 AM
Half.italian, another good poem! Original, lyrical and thoughtful. "Bones rubber a bit.." is great! I'm not crazy about "...fly tipsy...", but I also love the last three lines. The point is: it's not "the usual." It's a fresh, UNusual way of looking at a subject, with fresh, unusual word choices. Nice job.
Re: Butterfly Belly, Orchid Face by Sunny	21-Sep-06/2:55 PM
Hello Sunny. You have real telent and strong sense of imagey and lyrical writing. Keep at it!
Re: weather poem part 10: reprise by nypoet22	22-Sep-06/2:35 PM
Very nice. Your poetry has a wonderful "feel" and flow. Lyrical and fresh.
Re: Fun At The Gynaecologists by Edna Sweetlove	23-Sep-06/8:23 PM
Hello Edna, I'm going to say this once so I hope you'll pay close attention. What you attempt to pass off on this site as poetry is actually prose written in columns and stanzas -- and pretty silly, sloppy prose at that. You have the mistaken idea, like quite a few young, green, imature "poets," that shocking language and "cutesy" ideas are somehow synonomous with poetry. In your case, however, it's not just bad writing. That I could put up with, given your obviously "new student" level of writing. In your case, it's arrogance as well, and that I have a very hard time overlooking. Not only does it make you look foolish as a person, it makes your work even more silly and unprofessional. Take my word for it. You don't write good poetry. And the "poets" on this or any other site who seem to think you do, are as green and cluelss as you. My suggestion? Drop the "Muse Queen" facade and take a good hard look at yourself and what you're doing (or, rather, trying to do). Then, if you're really serious about the craft, take a few lessons in modesty, find a mentor and study hard, write alot, and set about REALLY learning how to create good poetry. Good luck!
Re: A Perfectly Normal Man by Dovina	1-Oct-06/10:21 AM
This is very nice. Well thought out and very lyrical. And even though it has a tenderness to it, you've managed to NOT get overly personal and self-indulgent. It has a nice, professional detachment to to it. Great work!
Re: The Natural Course of Fear by half.italian	1-Oct-06/3:20 PM
Two phrases bother me in this poem. "Raspberry tingle" is hard to grasp and has a "cutesy," "sugary" sense to it. And "parallel skeins" is also hard ot grasp and, like the former, doesn't lend to the idea of fear. Neither phrase suports the idea of fear. Not sure if I'm off base with what were after but these things distracted me. I love "Begin by breathig in twos." Although I don't know what it means, it has a sene of fear in it, like hyperventilating or something. And it's original and flows well.
Re: Ladybirds and Monsters by Caducus	12-May-08/6:48 PM
I don't understand this poem, but I like it. It has a uniqueness and a lyrical quality that makes it stand out from the crowd. Good work!
Re: Ladybirds and Monsters by Caducus	12-May-08/6:49 PM
Sorry, I forgto to vote.
Re: Question by half.italian	15-Jul-08/6:44 PM
half.italian, Einstein said that mass dictates (warps) the fabric of space, and warps in the fabric of space dictate the motion of massive objects. Very true... Good poem.
Re: The sea and sonograph by Caducus	25-Jul-08/3:09 PM
Caducus, Very nice! Touching but not overly sentimental or "easy". I'm not sure about the various winds, but the imagery is interesting and "comfortable". The progression toward sadness comes through strongly, and so does the loneliness of dealing with Downs Syndrome. It has a clean, natural, "unpoetic" feel, which is a very good thing! Great job.