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weather poem part 10: reprise (Free verse) by nypoet22 "Some scarred wounds
need to be reopened
to heal properly,"
she offered,
pressed her lips into his,
grinned wide and toothy.
He opened,
allowed her tongue inside
and wondered
through the thrust
and parry and riposte
of wet foils dancing in the warm,
fan-blown dark,
what cut she had suffered.
the fan blades pushed perspiration
from skin, sliced
through the silence like
a whisper.
He pulled back
a step.
"Isn't the breeze lovely?"
Up the ladder:
Dying In The Corner
Down the ladder:
Provision
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Posted: September 8, 2006 3:43 AM PDT; Last modified: September 8, 2006 3:43 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.2086053 Overall Rank: 4504 Comments:
[8]
ecargo @ 63.22.89.248
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10-Sep-06/6:18 PM
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Reply
"fan-blown dark" is my favorite line. The "thrust and parry" of tongues, like a duel, is a little overused, IMO, but I do like the parallel with the fan blades cuting through air and silence and the "cuts she had suffered" adds a further touch of connectedness. The last line kind of loses me--I think I get why you went that way, but it seems like a bit of overblown dialect. Still, nice cohesiveness of imagery in this. Not sure I get how your multi-part poem fits together yet. Will be interesting to see all the pieces assembled.
[n/a]
nypoet22 @ 70.149.108.240
> ecargo
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10-Sep-06/9:14 PM
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Reply
truth be told, i'm not quite sure yet how it will fit together either, but i'm always open to suggestions.
Very nice. Your poetry has a wonderful "feel" and flow. Lyrical and fresh.
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