poemranker ::weather poem part 10: reprise by nypoet22

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Free verse № 145757

weather poem part 10: reprise

by nypoet22

Member since 2006 · Posted 8 Sep 2006 · 3 comments

"Some scarred wounds need to be reopened to heal properly," she offered, pressed her lips into his, grinned wide and toothy. He opened, allowed her tongue inside and wondered through the thrust and parry and riposte of wet foils dancing in the warm, fan-blown dark, what cut she had suffered. the fan blades pushed perspiration from skin, sliced through the silence like a whisper. He pulled back a step. "Isn't the breeze lovely?"

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3 comments

[8] ecargo 10-Sep-06/6:18 PM Reply
"fan-blown dark" is my favorite line. The "thrust and parry" of tongues, like a duel, is a little overused, IMO, but I do like the parallel with the fan blades cuting through air and silence and the "cuts she had suffered" adds a further touch of connectedness. The last line kind of loses me--I think I get why you went that way, but it seems like a bit of overblown dialect. Still, nice cohesiveness of imagery in this. Not sure I get how your multi-part poem fits together yet. Will be interesting to see all the pieces assembled.
[n/a] nypoet22 › ecargo 10-Sep-06/9:14 PM Reply
truth be told, i'm not quite sure yet how it will fit together either, but i'm always open to suggestions.
[9] dvincent 22-Sep-06/2:35 PM Reply
Very nice. Your poetry has a wonderful "feel" and flow. Lyrical and fresh.