| Re: I hope not by colndodg |
16-May-03/4:09 AM |
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Stupid but poorly executed, 7
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| Re: On A Cliff by colndodg |
16-May-03/4:11 AM |
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Great work! I especially like the way you repeat the first two lines for no reason!! 10!!!!
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| Re: Until by lunar |
16-May-03/1:34 PM |
I was just a figment of your bum
A speck gathering filth in the farest reaches of your breeches
A single fading stain in your underpants,
You didn't know me at all.
The bum comes parading across your thoughts and dreams,
Obscuring your face
Covering it like that complete bastard
Who covered my own face with crisps.
I procrastinate obscurity like a gnome.
I slipped on a giant dog,
But i have left a little something,
In the wilderness of your breeches,
You didn't realise what you had until i left you and your underpants accidentally landed on your face.
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| Re: Darkness ( A tribute to the poem FOOTPRINTS) by Mr Pig |
17-May-03/5:28 PM |
When I trod on an onion,
I was lost in complete darkness,
And shouted for God to rescue me,
But all He did was butter my garden
Because he was made of rice.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-May-03/5:36 PM |
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great use of "see" to rhyme with "amputee"!!!!11
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-May-03/5:37 AM |
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I think you really need to do a little more research before you start writing poemes! Good try though!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-May-03/9:43 AM |
What is the point of the poeme, given the commentary? Is it beauty? Or is it insanity...
...it is neither. For it is vanity.
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| Re: Darkness by Felzpoet |
19-May-03/8:00 AM |
Diarrhoea (Sonnet) by Felchpoet
Diarrhoea has set on another day
Diarrhoea has arrived, leaving no thong (unsoiled)
Diarrhoea so wet, it comes out as spray
Diarrhoea so brown, staining everything
The brown hole has blown my guts out
The brown hole drips on my tights
The brown hole leaks from within
The brown hole, I can't stop the shite
The void in my bum has widened
The void adds to my ablution
The void has continuously brownened
The diarrhoea has taken me over
Spraying the weight of the world from my bum.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-May-03/9:05 AM |
Nice use of 'die' to rhyme with 'fly' and 'me' to rhyme with... 'stormy'. I suggest changing the last couplet to:
You can't store me
My life's stormy
Or perhaps:
You can't store me
Yukon's stormy
NICE ONE 10!!!!1
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-May-03/9:14 AM |
Nice use of the simile 'like an old pole' as an arbitrary rhyme for 'soul'! Because a pole, like a heart, and like anything else at all, can be damaged! Genius!!!1
I knew as soon as I saw the title 'Torment' that this poeme would express some interesting and original sentiments in a beautiful and not at all entirely clichéd way! OH WAIT NO IT DOESN@T!!!!!11
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| Re: Why Are We Here? by beakism |
19-May-03/5:45 PM |
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Do you always talk to your mother like that? Honestly beakism, I thought you were a very mature young man, but after hearing this recent outburst of yours I'm not sure what to think. I knew something was wrong when I discovered those brown footprints leading up to your bedroom door, but my faith deserted me completely when you shoved the sun up your arse and farted on Christ's balls.
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| Re: dancing to be flowers by richa |
19-May-03/6:10 PM |
well it started badly, tailed off a little in middle, and the less said about the end the better. Apart from that, I loved it!
ace / 10
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| Re: Dear Lord by simone_girard |
20-May-03/5:55 AM |
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Every line contains something which is utterly wrong.
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| Re: Bitter Breakfast by nugit15 |
20-May-03/3:36 PM |
Bitter Beakfast (Free verse) by D.H.Lawrence
hornless squid-beak
now putrid
after I left
after you left
after we left
it stuffed behind the sofa on a hot, hot day
and I in pyjamas for the heat.
and the flies settled on it
and cleared away the evidence of what we had (done)
but not before there were words
and back rubs
taking place on top of it
like some sort of revolting omelette topping
matted with gravy
and weighted egglingtons.
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| Re: Milkshake until beef jerky by horus8 |
21-May-03/5:32 AM |
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Every line of this follows a different scanning pattern. Also you used the wrong "then" and you have incorrectly punctuated the entire piece. Great work!! -=10=-
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| Re: All A Mistake by Alyssa91 |
21-May-03/5:36 AM |
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Beautiful! Simply beautiful! Normally I would have said this poeme was crap, but the sheer depth of emotion completely obviates all the other criteria!! 11/10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Re: deleted scenes by Bill Z Bub |
21-May-03/5:38 AM |
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| Re: Torvald, the Dwarven Toast-Smith by razorgrin |
21-May-03/5:51 AM |
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| Re: The Order Of Things by Mr Pig |
21-May-03/2:04 PM |
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Please write more about the decrepit farmer and his jaded harvest. What sort of hat was he wearing? Was his face rotting away underneath it? Feel. Explore.
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| Re: Ending 1997 in the Southern Hemisphere by daniella |
22-May-03/4:43 AM |
Ending 1897 in the Southern Bumisphere (Free verse) by -=Dark_Angel=-
It came and went away,
but I'll always remember that time I broke wind
musical gays plunder the bum
inspired by its brownful tunes.
In the violent aftermath of forgotten dreams,
now lost in the dark stench of human frailty and massively fermented scotch egglingtons,
once again I find solitude
as peasants flee vomitting,
smothering their gnarled faces with napkins
folded in upon themselves.
There's a promise gave,
which is given to the quiet self,
to replace my underpants as soon as possible.
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