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Dear Lord (Sonnet) by simone_girard
Dear lord please hear my prey tonight For my husbands had a terrible fright His dear old mother's taken ill And this is a void I cannot fill She's suffered now for years and years And their has been so many tears But none of these were out of joy And my husband's gone from man to boy If she should die this family becomes half And it'll be a long time before we laugh So please dear lord take away her pain So we can see her smile again For her place can be filled by no other For this place in our hearts is for our dear mother And now in you I place my trust and love In you dear lord in heaven above.

Down the ladder: Puke

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 53
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 10
.. 10
.. 10
.. 84

Arithmetic Mean: 3.88
Weighted score: 3.887496
Overall Rank: 13448
Posted: May 20, 2003 12:07 AM PDT; Last modified: May 20, 2003 12:07 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.213.23 | 20-May-03/5:55 AM | Reply
Every line contains something which is utterly wrong.
[n/a] simone_girard @ 203.87.54.57 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 22-May-03/8:20 PM | Reply
If there is something wrong with every line, please feel free to give me an example of how this should have been written. Up until having my poetry posted on this sight I have only ever had one or two bad comments in regards to my writting. I am always open to suggestions from those of you who are perfect writers, who have had at least 1 book published, and those of you who wish to tell me how to right my feelings and thoughts.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.213.23 > simone_girard | 24-May-03/6:38 AM | Reply
Have a look at this. It will tell you all you need to know.

http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=2901
[n/a] bondjedi @ 216.163.73.66 > simone_girard | 7-Jun-03/5:24 AM | Reply
there is one good line in this poem, the opening one, and the only reason it's good is because you are as good a speller as you are a poet.
[0] deleted user @ 63.237.171.111 | 20-May-03/12:47 PM | Reply
Okay - you've either sent, or tried to send your man, your mother-in-law, a child, and yourself to eternal rest. Give it a rest.
[0] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 | 20-May-03/3:34 PM | Reply
A bag of puppies on the freeway.
[0] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 | 20-May-03/3:38 PM | Reply
For half a second I thought the first line was clever. But then I was sucked into a black hole of insipidness. 0
[10] sk8rs_rule_all @ 24.162.181.84 | 8-Jul-03/10:28 AM | Reply
wow....i like it, i cant understand why it is in the 'worst' place! Very confusing to me..I give it a 10
[0] forsaken'sbigbro @ 63.88.160.101 | 15-Jul-03/10:40 AM | Reply
Why should god save his mother, over all other? He doesn't save people that isn't what he does. He's the one who takes and does not give, hes greeder then my old man. I think your not asking the right person for the task at hand.
[1] StuntHornist @ 69.14.157.52 | 21-Jul-03/8:47 PM | Reply
Dear Lord, please hear my prayer tonight,
For my husband has had a terrible fright.
His dear old mother has taken ill
And this is a void I cannot fill.
She's suffered now for years and years
And there have been so many tears,
But none of these were out of joy
And my husband's gone from a man to a boy.
If she should die this family would be halved
And it would be a long time before we laughed.
So please, dear Lord, take away her pain,
So we can see her smile again,
For her place can be filled by no other,
For this place in our hearts is for our dear mother.
Now, in you, I place my trust and love,
In you, dear Lord, in heaven above.

There? Are you happy? It's the same poem, only grammatically correct, and it STILL sucks.
[10] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 15-Aug-03/12:10 PM | Reply
Ten!
[0] Son Of A Bitch @ 195.92.168.168 | 15-Aug-03/12:51 PM | Reply
This is one ribbed turd
[2] Sasha @ 69.140.246.96 | 14-Apr-04/7:32 PM | Reply
Not a sonnet.
[n/a] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > Sasha | 14-Apr-04/7:35 PM | Reply
Don't make me give my "sonnets don't have to be iambic pentameter" speech again...
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