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Darkness ( A tribute to the poem FOOTPRINTS) (Free verse) by Mr Pig
For Catherine, William and Thelma ************************************************************ When I died, I was lost in complete darkness, And shouted for God to rescue me, But all I heard was the solace of my echoes. I was very angry with God, For I had believed in God all my life, I had prayed many times without a reply, Prayed to stay on Earth, Yet had to die, And I had simply wanted to know why. I could hear the choir of Angels, The smell of pastures, The warmth of sunlight on my face, Yet all I could see was darkness, And I was holding on to something, Trying not to fall into the abyss, All I wanted was peace. I was so frightened and screamed at the Lord, ‘Why wont you take me, I have always loved you, why am I in darkness? I then heard the gentlest voice I had ever heard, And he said unto me, ‘My beautiful child there is no need to be afraid, you are not in darkness all you need to do is open your eyes’ I opened my eyes and saw the Lord, Saw that I was not about to fall at all, I was being carried by my guardian Angel, And the warmth was a sun that would never set, There was also a beach covered in footprints, Where Christ had carried all of us, And I was with those I loved.

Up the ladder: Hippy's Ode to Eternity
Down the ladder: While cleaning the aviary

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6
Weighted score: 5.8
Overall Rank: 1693
Posted: May 17, 2003 10:19 AM PDT; Last modified: May 17, 2003 12:17 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] richa @ 195.92.168.174 | 17-May-03/1:19 PM | Reply
some nice turns of phrase 'solace of my echoes'
and half rhymes like abyss and peace
But I think it is quite prose like in parts and perhaps needs tightening a bit
[8] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154 | 17-May-03/3:24 PM | Reply
ha ha hee. KabooM!
[1] deleted user @ 63.237.171.26 | 17-May-03/3:54 PM | Reply
find some ideas of your own - this contains too much old stuff.
[9] Mona Lisa @ 195.92.168.164 | 17-May-03/4:26 PM | Reply
I think its wonderful. MAybe if you hadn't of referenced it to Footprints you may have had the recognition you deserve, other than that I think it carries a message of hope. 9

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.8.101 | 17-May-03/5:28 PM | Reply
When I trod on an onion,
I was lost in complete darkness,
And shouted for God to rescue me,
But all He did was butter my garden
Because he was made of rice.
[9] Ranger @ 62.7.163.240 | 18-May-03/11:42 AM | Reply
It does seem a bit too loose in places, and 'I was very angry with God' doesn't really do credit to your ability. Even so it's an enjoyable read, and nice to see people trying something a bit more traditional/ classical (and succeeding!) 9
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