regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jan-07/10:46 AM
Is this you: http://tinyurl.com/22a9pw
Re: Stained by fadedlove	28-Jan-07/10:55 AM
This so effortlessly achieves the vague air of guffing claptrap that wheezes out of all good poetry. Sublimely beautiful. A triumph. You have talent: use it.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jan-07/11:56 AM
One of the largest self-contained guffs I have ever seen. Larger guffs have been formed, but they were all composed of smaller guffs that joined forces to form giant dunce-omelettes. You are a colossal boob.
Re: He's... by holliebollie_19	28-Jan-07/12:20 PM
There's a mysterious quality to this poeme... something I can't quite pinpoint... I find it haunting... real... it's very powerful... do you often try to evoke such emotions in your work?
Re: Celebrity by horus8	29-Jan-07/1:34 PM
The Aladdin Hotel. Las Vegas. My room has a glass display case mounted on the wall. Inside, a silk tunic. The caption: "The Addams Family, Paramount Pictures 1991, Jimmy Workman as Pugsley Addams, Vest he wore in the film." Clearly I was at the bottom of the pile when they were distributing priceless memorabilia to all the rooms.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jan-07/3:19 PM
Replace "bark" with "beak".
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jan-07/7:47 PM
MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE [_] AABB rhyming scheme [_] Arbitrary indentation [X] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Clerical errors [X] Ellipses used overabundantly [X] Lower case only [_] Internet shorthand / emoticons [_] Repetition of a word or phrase ad nauseam [X] Devoid of rhyme [X] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, etc) [X] Devoid of other literary devices (metaphor, synaesthesia, etc) [X] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [_] About drugs [_] About romantic love [_] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] About writing [_] Cliched imagery (tears falling like rain, angel in heaven) [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [_] Sounds like dialogue in a fantasy novel [_] Melodramatic [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Concerns the author's social pastimes [_] Leaving rant [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Smugly-named protagonist [X] Sanctimonious [_] Untitled [_] Gushingly religious [_] Obsessed with femininity [X] Rage against the machine [_] Self-obsessed
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Feb-07/3:25 PM
This scans excellently!!!111 And great use of "though!!" to rhyme with "head"!!!!111
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Feb-07/8:55 PM
Excellent line breaks!!!!11 The last line is really great!!!!111
Re: The Medium of Dunce by Ranger	19-Feb-07/5:31 AM
It is no Fortune that comes to settle in her hand. Does a few pence a day afford a beggar luxuries beyond his wildest dreams? Yes; yes it does. But will it buy enough wipes for him to retire unsoiled? No, it will not. The stain that comes from a life spent foraging for dung is a moral one. You can no more cleanse it with wipes than you can teach a Welshman to lay his droppings at the bottom of the garden. The only cure is far beyond the means of even the most arrogant beggar: a single moist tow'lette.
Re: Polite refusal by Stephen Robins	19-Feb-07/5:48 PM
My suit is fitted with a drawstring so I can hoist the vent canopy any time I please; as a single venter you have merely to park your hands in your pockets and watch in horror as the tails part like soiled drapes.
Re: Hallelujah by hungry_shepherd	10-Mar-07/11:11 AM
An emergency spaz that doubles as a handyman's tortoise auditorium.
Re: A Lament For Alice by hungry_shepherd	10-Mar-07/11:12 AM
An extremely Dutch blouse egg.
Re: all alone by Phalkon	10-Mar-07/11:15 AM
A leather egg which opens up to reveal an exploding nappy-enriched toilet helmet.
Re: Settling In by jessicazee	10-Mar-07/11:17 AM
An unspeakably disappointing spoon coated in vicar discharge.
Re: Pedaling West by Dovina	13-Mar-07/6:17 PM
Poetry is no excuse for pedaling like a muppet. No wonder people point and stare. The first two lines suggest it took you some time to master the bicycle. That is a sign from God that you were not intended for outdoor pursuits, but should remain indoors where others cannot see you. To persist in activities for which you possess no talent is blasphemous, and is the second reason why feminism is a sin. The first is Jane Fonda.
Re: Her Mitts by Nepanthe	13-Mar-07/7:02 PM
How dare you extol the virtues of a lesser glove without paying homage to its superior: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=91816 Incidentally, a boy in my class at primary school enjoyed scratching the other boys and making them cry. As both punishment and preventative measure, he was forced to wear mittens.
Re: OneLongDay by Iain	8-Apr-07/6:03 AM
I suppose you think you're pretty big and clever for spelling your name the scotch way... well I've got news for you: nobody cares. This is a POETRY site for RANKING POEMS. Whether or not you put extra 'i's in your name is neither here nor there.
Re: Tribeca by Dovina	8-Apr-07/6:08 AM
Poetry isn't just an excuse for you to tell the world about your disgusting and warped sex life. There's a name for that kind of thing, and it isn't Art. It's Smut.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Apr-07/2:59 AM
According to wikipedia, this is the funniest joke in the UK: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." ----------------- In my opinion, it is marginally funnier than the World's Funniest Joke (which also originated in the UK as a sketch on the Goon Show): A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"