replying on essence of a thought by lmp
26 Jun 2007, 1:27 PM
heh. i am glad that the rhyme scheme is so unsettling; that means it did what i wanted.
glad you liked this piece, and many thanks for the comments.
glad you liked this piece, and many thanks for the comments.
replying on essence of a thought by lmp
26 Jun 2007, 1:26 PM
wow. i am glad you liked this one; from your own writings that i have read i would not have guessed this would appeal to you.
many thanks for understanding and relating.
many thanks for understanding and relating.
replying on essence of a thought by lmp
22 Jun 2007, 1:20 PM
i didnt want to start every stanza with essentially the same line, i also wanted to end the poem with the same line that began it. i did like the repetition of the first line in the first two stanzas.
the change of rhythm is a bit disturbing, much like the thought.
the change of rhythm is a bit disturbing, much like the thought.
lots of good stuff here: "warm scorn". "lumpen from fear", "filleted men". is it a British saying to call a telephone handset a funnel or is that an expression of the poem. if the latter, another good one.
what i get from this is a lonely businessman, pining for his youth with drive-in theatres, sports victories, and of course, shagging. all the trappings of success without any real substance.
didnt quite get the torture of geese unless it is a reference to hearing a novice playing bagpipes.
what i get from this is a lonely businessman, pining for his youth with drive-in theatres, sports victories, and of course, shagging. all the trappings of success without any real substance.
didnt quite get the torture of geese unless it is a reference to hearing a novice playing bagpipes.
replying on Just Another Reason by Skamper
22 Jun 2007, 7:31 AM
exactly! sometimes it is hard to watch them do all that, but life can be an excellent teacher.
on Just Another Reason by Skamper
21 Jun 2007, 3:19 PM
interesting. i think i know what you are driving at, how some parents will overbearingly protect their children from their environment and not just in a healthy way.
the weary look and pouting face suggest that there is a bit of resentment from the parent about being a parent.
then, the audacious grasp at comisery with you; they made their choice(s), right?
the weary look and pouting face suggest that there is a bit of resentment from the parent about being a parent.
then, the audacious grasp at comisery with you; they made their choice(s), right?
replying on husk [hai-crete] by lmp
21 Jun 2007, 3:12 PM
thank you. i guess that means even more if the poem style generally irritates you.
replying on You can't send love to a voicemail. by drnick
21 Jun 2007, 2:55 PM
now that's funny. beginning to sound a lot like the opening cartton for that classic film: "better off dead".
i can almost hear john cusak's voice when i read your reply above.
i can almost hear john cusak's voice when i read your reply above.
on You can't send love to a voicemail. by drnick
21 Jun 2007, 2:54 PM
grown up version of a pimple?
seriously though, this is better written than that.
think it's time for this person to start leaving excessively long messages with a lot of long silent pauses, heavy sighs, and cheery "talk to you later!"s at the end. oh, and if the message gets cut off for length, call back and continue. fill up her box [one way or another].
seriously though, this is better written than that.
think it's time for this person to start leaving excessively long messages with a lot of long silent pauses, heavy sighs, and cheery "talk to you later!"s at the end. oh, and if the message gets cut off for length, call back and continue. fill up her box [one way or another].
on Fourty Caliber Thirty Pack by drnick
21 Jun 2007, 2:49 PM
hopefully, this is not a true account.
the sense of self-loathing and despair comes across very strongly. well done.
the sense of self-loathing and despair comes across very strongly. well done.
Thanks, Christof.
"Our most pompous novelists" leads me to believe you reside "across the pond" from the Brits, yet you spell "metre" after the British way. I find no fault here, just interesting.
I like "connexion" much better than "connection", myself, and for some reason "theatre" seems more approriate than "theater"; I guess a bit of British pomp is appropriate for some words. I rather do prefer the British spelling of most words (among them the ones that Edna so sweetly pointed out), but when they spell "truck" as "lorry" it really makes no sense. (heh)
"Our most pompous novelists" leads me to believe you reside "across the pond" from the Brits, yet you spell "metre" after the British way. I find no fault here, just interesting.
I like "connexion" much better than "connection", myself, and for some reason "theatre" seems more approriate than "theater"; I guess a bit of British pomp is appropriate for some words. I rather do prefer the British spelling of most words (among them the ones that Edna so sweetly pointed out), but when they spell "truck" as "lorry" it really makes no sense. (heh)
replying on husk [hai-crete] by lmp
21 Jun 2007, 8:43 AM
had a bit more trouble with "empty", so i left lots of empty space around it.
replying on husk [hai-crete] by lmp
21 Jun 2007, 8:43 AM
gald you do.
replying on husk [hai-crete] by lmp
21 Jun 2007, 8:39 AM
exactly. haiku in the concrete style.
and put that way, it reminds me of Tadao Ando, Kenzo Tange, Maki, Izozaki, and many other fascinating Japanese architects that love to use actual concrete to create their poetry, or as it has been said, "frozen music": architecture.
here's a nice Ando building in concrete:
http://www.andotadao.org/chlight6.htm
and put that way, it reminds me of Tadao Ando, Kenzo Tange, Maki, Izozaki, and many other fascinating Japanese architects that love to use actual concrete to create their poetry, or as it has been said, "frozen music": architecture.
here's a nice Ando building in concrete:
http://www.andotadao.org/chlight6.htm
on He's Dead You Bastards (for zzinia) by scitz
20 Jun 2007, 3:52 PM
he must really miss his friend to commit suicide to be with him.
replying on Between two Truths by Dovina
20 Jun 2007, 3:47 PM
looks like that same line bothered others also.
agree with others also on the church/cars, except i think it works. it could be better not so much as colors of cars, but makes or models of cars. tho' i reckon theyr'll be a lotta ford pickups. maybe just "the kinds of churches like kinds of cars."
agree with others also on the church/cars, except i think it works. it could be better not so much as colors of cars, but makes or models of cars. tho' i reckon theyr'll be a lotta ford pickups. maybe just "the kinds of churches like kinds of cars."
on Between two Truths by Dovina
20 Jun 2007, 3:42 PM
S2 L4/L5... the repeat of "comfort" is not as strong as it could be. maybe L4 starts "offers sanctuary ...". I would also end with a colon on L4 to deliver L5.
an interesting look at a subculture of the US that i struggle to comprehend. i really believe i would have a hard time living there...
so what's around the bend and over the next hill?
an interesting look at a subculture of the US that i struggle to comprehend. i really believe i would have a hard time living there...
so what's around the bend and over the next hill?
however, i do take pity on your gardener (you?), working with all that silt and clay. supposedly very fertile though. live on an alluvial wash, eh?