Re: a comment on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy	19-Aug-05/10:00 AM
Thanks your absolutely right. I bet you see a lot of that though. Damn, I've got to stop posting poems when I'm half asleep.
Re: a comment on The burden of faith by Bobjim	19-Aug-05/9:50 AM
The Bible has been rewritten and butchered in the process by nearly every translation ever made. So you can certainly doubt everything except the spirit of the bible and still have faith in it.
Re: Little Orange Petal Flower by i_am_the_popsicle	19-Aug-05/9:41 AM
The poem sounds good and all but isn't the idea of a spirit that it doesn't die. That it just drifts off somewhere into eternity. Or did you mean spirit as in enthusiasm. Put Spirit in the place of all the little orange petal flower parts of the poem and you'll see the places where your spirit isn't like a little orange petal flower. Maintaining the metaphor is at the utmost importance in this poem for the point of the poem is the metaphor. Love the concrete like structural design of the poem.
Re: Yellow Leather Innards by PsydewaysTears	19-Aug-05/9:08 AM
All that Yellow leather repetition dilutes the poem. Why not mix it up with some different color leather. Other wise the poem's got some great rhythm and some good rhyme. Besides. No one does yellow leather like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.
Re: a comment on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy	19-Aug-05/8:55 AM
correction: I didn't catch THAT one on my proofread. Obviously I need to work on my proofreading.
Re: a comment on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy	19-Aug-05/8:53 AM
Thanks I didn't catch one on my proofread.
Re: The Story of Our Lives by woodstock20000	19-Aug-05/8:51 AM
Death is a semi-colon hmmm... Makes sense. I always thought he did things half-assed
Re: a comment on The Giant Verse by drnick	19-Aug-05/7:31 AM
correction: lose not loose
Re: The Giant Verse by drnick	19-Aug-05/7:30 AM
Loose "Beside a path of broken darts". It just sounds goofy. You have an engine that has some good parts but you need to assemble it better. Get your thoughts to connect with each other. Then rev that engine up. Last line should be "Rather HAVE left before he stayed."
Re: Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim	19-Aug-05/7:07 AM
WAY FAY, WAY STY, SAY AY I. As an acrostic it sounds kinda cool in a nonsense way. I know it's not intended but your Microsoft Word program put caps at the begining of all your lines. So at first I thought you might be doing some kind of acrostic poem. Nice, warm, religious. Kind of like a spiritual.
Re: Looking for someone by INTRANSIT	19-Aug-05/6:49 AM
Somewhere in a trailer along the backroads of West Virginia a woman eagerly awaits to hear these very words.
Re: Surveyor and Farmer by Dovina	19-Aug-05/6:12 AM
I'm not sure what "Small squeeze, a swell." is. I won't tell you what my guess is because it's kinda dirty but if I'm right I'll give you a 10 for the devilish grin you caused. Your on a roll now. Good flow again. Keep that factory in your head goin'.
Re: How Angels Sleep by Dovina	18-Aug-05/10:05 AM
It flows beatifully except for the last line. Needs one more beat I think. "and she knew he understood(Dadum)." PS. beatifully was a pun.
Re: a comment on More Than The World by XOXScottishgrlXOX	18-Aug-05/9:17 AM
See usage note for "He" at Dictionary.com I don't think your either racist or a chauvinist but I do think "Everyone has his own problems" is chauvinistic in the tradition of so many other words that put him and not her into the words spoken by MANkind. The immigrant comment you must admit did appear to have an ever so slight racist undertone. "We all have our own problems" sounds fine to me and maybe even is a little more self-inclusive.
Re: Stream of Consciousness (#1) by Enkidu	14-Aug-05/1:11 PM
Without a definitive title stream of consciousness poems are pointless in my opinion. Do a psychological evaluation of the poem and then title it. Otherwise it's just babbling.
Re: Shadow by TLRufener	14-Aug-05/12:35 PM
Them and they are OK as long as the person is unspecified. Especially in reference to an unknown gender. "Him or her" becomes replaced by "them" until the sex is identified. "Him or her" is the formal and best way to say it. "They" is informal and frowned on by english teachers but is used often in common speach. You do use the forms of they a little too often in this poem though, when in some places you could omit it entirely and still make the point. Or you could just change "Someone creeps" to "They creep" all though that would give you another they. Ah hell. just change the title to "Them" too. I liked the story though.
Re: a comment on Words by Dovina	14-Aug-05/11:58 AM
Correction: "Correction"
Re: a comment on Words by Dovina	14-Aug-05/9:03 AM
Corection: "already"
Re: Words by Dovina	14-Aug-05/8:59 AM
"Vain praise" is redundant if your all ready ignoring it. Unless you mean vain as in conceit then it reads really schizophrenic. The rest is good. Careful the ladder holder might be peeking up your nighty.
Re: a comment on More Than The World by XOXScottishgrlXOX	14-Aug-05/8:22 AM
Sorry. Their is the possessive form of they. My Dyslexia strikes again.