on Dixon Country Store, Kentucky by Dovina
15 Jun 2007, 8:59 AM
The last line is killer. You could almost call it a prose poem.
on Between two Truths by Dovina
15 Jun 2007, 8:54 AM
I don't like the simile "the kinds of churches like colors of cars" I assume you mean because there's lots of different car colors and there's lots of different churches but it just lacks your usual eccentric wit.
Also "beerâs against the law" is just not true.
The rest I found interesting and well done.
Also "beerâs against the law" is just not true.
The rest I found interesting and well done.
on ........ by Prince of Void
15 Jun 2007, 8:55 AM
Etc.
on some deleted poem
4 Jun 2007, 6:33 AM
Too vague even for a Haiku.
on Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta
4 Jun 2007, 6:32 AM
Gorgeous flow in this poem makes you feel the waves. I'd lose the "S" in "Pearly whites" to get a 10. Otherwise it's a good poem that carries it's point and feeling across beautifully.
on some deleted poem
4 Jun 2007, 7:06 AM
I'm interested how you feel about Socrates. He must piss you off too. Those darn elusive martyrs.
Poem needs more consistancy in its form. This sounds more like a Bill Marr rant minus the funny stuff.
Poem needs more consistancy in its form. This sounds more like a Bill Marr rant minus the funny stuff.
on some deleted poem
18 May 2007, 9:35 AM
Are you a Jehovah Witness?
on some deleted poem
18 May 2007, 9:55 AM
You sure know how to flatter you wife don't you?
on A twisted Trail in Edenâs Garden by Dovina
18 May 2007, 10:35 AM
Very lyrical. Nice to see that from you.
One must remember it took the devil himself to seduce Eve but it only took a woman to seduce Adam.
One must remember it took the devil himself to seduce Eve but it only took a woman to seduce Adam.
on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina
22 May 2007, 9:54 AM
You over chisel your poems as much as Rockmage under chisels his rocks. I would suggest you pad you quatrains for aesthetics and imagery sake. Maybe make them all 6 lines each. Nothing wrong with indulging in superfluous language.
on The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina
22 May 2007, 10:19 AM
Bovilexia (bo vil eks' e uh) - n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell "Moo!" every time you pass a cow.
-from Richard Hall's Sniglets: Words that don't appear in the dictionary, but should.
-from Richard Hall's Sniglets: Words that don't appear in the dictionary, but should.
on Teddy Bear by lexxie100
27 Jun 2007, 9:02 PM
You're doin' alright kid. Start reading alot of the classics; Emily Dickenson, Shakespeare etc. and then try to write something in their style. Read poetry basics books. Ones that touch on meter, alliterations, metaphor and such. Don't compromise your sentences just to get a rhyme; ie. "But with joy I still swelled". This is an inverted sentence and is usually a literary no-no.
Ask yourself "Would I talk like that in real life?"
Don't be discouraged by critics. We all start at the bottom.
Ask yourself "Would I talk like that in real life?"
Don't be discouraged by critics. We all start at the bottom.
on some deleted poem
27 Jun 2007, 9:23 PM
You're not even trying anymore.
on (Title pending) by INTRANSIT
27 Jun 2007, 10:17 PM
I do hope you mean metaphorically when you say women stick their tongues in our cochleas otherwise it appears after a little wikipedia research that it would be very painful if they literally licked our cochleas. Maybe you meant Pinna. You could use "Pinnas" and still keep that ever subtle hint of phallicness. The title is awesome although I have no idea what it has to do with the poem.
on Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22
27 Jun 2007, 11:05 PM
Ok then let us pull out tomorrow. What's that Alex? You don't know how to get that done? You don't have enough control and power to make that happen? Oh I see Alex, it's my job to fix it. Well you go back to playing X-box and I'll make the world all better for you.
Unless you're willing to sit outside the Whitehouse lawn for 3 days and get pepper sprayed and chased by police dogs like your parents or grand parents did then I suggest you stop your whining and hope you vote in a good egg for president next time around.
Unless you're willing to sit outside the Whitehouse lawn for 3 days and get pepper sprayed and chased by police dogs like your parents or grand parents did then I suggest you stop your whining and hope you vote in a good egg for president next time around.
on some deleted poem
27 Jun 2007, 9:27 PM
The title encompasses everything ever imagined about you.
on some deleted poem
27 Jun 2007, 9:52 PM
Your dad has a mullet? OMFingG!
on Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina
27 Jun 2007, 9:58 PM
So what else is new? Stanza 2 is the best one, very witty.
on essence of a thought by lmp
28 Jun 2007, 12:10 PM
Seems like a very dark thought you're having. Well written and haunting. Reminds me of Rodin's sculptures.