regarding some deleted poem...	8-Mar-07/5:52 PM
To boldly go where no one’s gone before, said the man, sticking his head inside the camel’s ass. Bad case of history repeating. Had a friend of mine read this. He served as a commando in Afghanistan and Iraq. It made him yawn. He doesn’t give a shit about poetry. When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains, And the women come out to cut up what remains, Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains An' go to your Gawd like a soldier. Go, go, go like a soldier, Go, go, go like a soldier, Go, go, go like a soldier, So-oldier _of_ the Queen! -- Rudyard Kipling
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Mar-07/4:21 PM
I like the first part. After 'Of course, I miss', you start filling in the space that the poem has created. You could even drop the of course line too, I think. It's evident that you're going to miss that shot. That's what the poem's about.
Re: Untitled by Dovina	21-Mar-07/4:37 PM
haiku should be left to japanese. western haiku always has this slight touch of sentiment, morality or metaphor.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Mar-07/5:20 PM
Loth of as.
Re: Unsung American Dream by SupremeDreamer	22-Apr-07/3:06 PM
time for a commercial break.
Re: Ein Kampf by Sasha	22-Apr-07/3:33 PM
better not have kids, then.
Re: Summer Loving by Christof	6-Jul-07/1:49 PM
I like the image of the bottled wasp very much. I think it's possible to explore an image, or take it further, but you should never explain it - which is exactly what you're doing in the lines following the wasp: "Lured by sweetness, buzzing and wrestling And crawling the walls of the great empty vessel In which she is trapped." Ow! Guess I was to dumb to get it. The first part is pretty nice (skip one morning though), up to the lover's arrival. The rhythm goes out the window there and the whole poem becomes a bit lazy and self satisfied with stuff like 'fantasy girl' and such. And the grease doesn't do it any good either. Still, there's the wasp.
Re: What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	6-Jul-07/2:22 PM
Very good poem. Top of the scale. Worth all the rereads. And so forth.
Re: In the maybe by INTRANSIT	8-Jul-07/8:14 AM
There is a good line in here, the one about chrismas I mean, but on the whole it drifts off in the ‘I make some kind of statement’ direction. You know, this and that: is nobody’s fault, no one knows, all I have, all I can, undsoweiter. It’s like generalising the personal in order to express an all too poetic mood of inconclusiveness. Perhaps. I could be completely wrong here. But one does have that liberty in the warm wet womb of the internet. Anyway, speaking of teachers – I just watched Taylor Mali perform ‘what teachers make’. I think your logbook poem is better, but this one is worse. So much for comparisons.
Re: scene by Dental Panic	8-Jul-07/8:24 AM
thanx for the replies
Re: Prescription of Pain by Miggy	10-Aug-07/1:33 PM
yeah, chirp is great. Sounds like Bush talkin' bout Yurp.
Re: Forever Moving On by Absorbed Intellect	24-Oct-07/4:24 PM
I, as a member of the FMO, am simply stupified by the sublime accuracy of your poem.
Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT	24-Oct-07/4:41 PM
I totally agree.
Re: a bit of theory by pete	26-Oct-07/6:07 AM
I like it – especially the first line.
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Oct-07/6:10 AM
I don't think you really need a 'you' to be an idiot.
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Oct-07/7:09 AM
Great. Fun to memorize. "But for the eyes' imperious intent To see the battered self, and not to weep" and "He stared into the eyes he could not rule." Brilliant staging. Yep, I'm gonna have fun with this one. I'll put you right next to Shelley's Ozymandias, how about that?
Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT	29-Nov-07/5:57 AM
the sound effects make it an infant thing - don't know if that's intentional. It's wasted on me, that's for sure. I like the cat though. prrrr prrrrrrrrrrr
Re: Easter Egg Hunt by Dovina	29-Nov-07/6:14 AM
While freestrolling through comments here and there, I read a line of yours, going something like: did I see you in Kansas, staring at daisies? Maybe you should try to write more by accident - this is one big deliberate bulk.
Re: I had no idea it could be so good by A. Nomaly	29-Apr-08/1:19 AM
I like it too. Great works on your homepage.
Re: Cinematic Indulgence by nentwined	22-Jul-08/1:18 PM
Pretty good flow but ending too soon.