Re: a comment on stab in the dark by not_a_philosopher	31-Mar-05/10:29 AM
***GRAND ROUND OF APPLAUSE*** perfect reply... apple-G's for my over-reaction... and thanks for the recommendation "great divorce." peace, sean
Re: a comment on The Populous by durr_T_hip_E	23-Mar-05/1:39 PM
you're right about that; you aim for the jodhpurs. peace
Re: a comment on The Populous by durr_T_hip_E	23-Mar-05/1:37 PM
c tha pre-V-us post re: not respndng to chldsh crap... i red manny uv yer prevE-us posts n' u hve tha' ablity to giv good critique/feedback...yet, the majority of tha' time u just focus on nit picking and trying to mold every1 on the site into your vision of what should be... i dont have the desire to start, nor the need to make myself feel better by, correcting your post...but, to prove a point: in #7 above: your needs to be you're....you forgot YOUR rules captain grammar. peace, sean p.s. i hope YOU'RE feeling better about life today
Re: a comment on The Universe by durr_T_hip_E	23-Mar-05/12:36 PM
you guyz are all too beautiful for words. peace, sean
Re: Vestigial Tail by zodiac	23-Mar-05/12:19 PM
Man you've got me in a pickle...aside from being slightly irritating upon first impression, you have talent as a poet; like all things, it needs work...i can't nitpick word choice as far as adjectives are concerned, unique, creative; the only adjective i'm "iffy" on is "cream," because it can be taken so many ways, based on the rest of the piece; i'm sure you can find something that fits better. the only other thing i would suggest taking a look at are the associations you're attempting to connect, primarily because they're not connected well at all in the piece... i believe i see where you're headed with this and you can turn this into a true ten once you treat the mild case of schizophrenia this piece has; tighten up the associations with your powerful descriptive word choice and it would get a 9 from even me. peace, sean
Re: a comment on Narnia Apocalypse by Caducus	23-Mar-05/11:59 AM
i like the adjectives in the 3rd and 4th stanzas quite a BIT...(sorry my fingers suffer from dyslexia)
Re: Narnia Apocalypse by Caducus	23-Mar-05/11:58 AM
I like the idea, i can relate to the feelings and emotive qualities of many of the lines...the first 2 stanzas, i think, could use a little tidying up to help the flow...although it's not a big obstruction to flow or comprehension, you might consider revising the first stanza so that the past and present tense are either seperated or made to work together... i like the adjectives in the 3rd and 4th stanzas quite a bet, and especially like the metaphor of the 4th...the 1st and 2nd, again, could use a little more spice in description...(the hair on pillow thing is pretty cliche, I read two poems yesterday with the same exact idea in almost the same exact words) Good piece, i hope it doesn't hurt anymore if you are the I referred to! peace, sean
Re: The Game of Categories by jessicazee	23-Mar-05/11:45 AM
LOL...i like it...it's amusing...the rhythm is there...broken at times...especially by the numbered section (it just doesn't flow well)...it's real...very real...in fact...i've played that game...i think; i forget, i was probably drunk. it made me laugh, and that's worth at least a 7 peace, sean
Re: Cold Turkey by johnnyfontaine23	23-Mar-05/11:41 AM
I love it...there's an irony about the title (i would guess this was intentional, and, if so, witty)... great choice of adjectives....simple poem about a simple pleasure in life and very poetic in description...i personally really like the choice of "injected" to symbolize the act of eating, as though it's not really your choice (and it's not!) to eat, it must be injected into you as a prerequisite to survival...your bread is stale even---but you're grateful for the meal you're eating... again...i love it...9...and a 9 only cuz i rarely give out tens (what is perfection anyway?) great poem - keep it up peace, sean
Re: The conflict begin by luzrheroguy	23-Mar-05/11:35 AM
I like the visual it provides; for me, the picture of a mario type figure saving himself at the last minute by finding the hotel is part amusing, part relieving, part non-sensical, yet, it makes a point with the end. I was given a decent piece of advice by a fellow writer a while back that improved my writing greatly. He said, "Take a week, write nothing of the words, "and, the, are, we, I, me..."" It may be difficult to do with this particular piece, but, the attempt to remove simple pronouns and connectors forces us as writers to seek out more creative ways to communicate ownership and action. I like the poem, there is a great ebb and flow which seems to be trying to leap out of the confines of all those rhythm breaking connectors and pronouns; great job overall though; keep it up. peace, sean
Re: a comment on stab in the dark by not_a_philosopher	23-Mar-05/11:21 AM
Not at all... I'm not sure, because I don't know everyone, but, I would tend to believe that most people while following the rules of logic, reason, and language would inevitably and mistakenly deny some linguistic truth that contradicts their previous framework of reality. What I am saying, literally, is that, at this point of our progression in knowledge, the only logical and reasonable answer to the question, "does God exist," is the answer, "We do not know." To give a definite, "yes," or a definite, "no," to this question is to use language in order to contradict true knowledge, or lack of knowledge; and, also means that any subsequent associated conclusions which can in any way be connected to the question of God (all questions and answers begin with our question of the beginning of existence/reality) will also be inherently false in a philisophical context. This is why people ask, "Do you BELIEVE in God?" Because, the reality is that God is a BELIEF, not a fact. Fact is necessary for truth; at least, as defined by the language you are using, which, as zodiac pointed out in another post, is reality. The language you use defines reality for you, whether that language be used to communicate hard truth, or your "fuzzy" truth which is really nothing more than belief in superstition. In conclusion, no, I don't think most who submit to reason and logic will be "like me," agnostic; rather, I'm more cynical than that, I believe they would submit to religion, admit that they are helpless and ask some entity that might exist to save them; then, they will begin a long line of passing responsibility for actions and events onto some entity that might exist, therefore giving up control of their life to some thing that probably is not in control anyway. peace, sean p.s. in the end, what i've found in my experience, is that, in practice, i end up following christian morals more often and more accurately than most christians i meet; in fact, i can count the number of christians who are not hypocrites on one hand and one hand alone - those few, are far greater than i, for sure, they are the most forgiving, kind, tolerant, accepting, and loving souls i've met - to take my point one step further - the absolutely most kind, forgiving, generous, caring, loving, tolerant, the most free soul i've ever met is a full-blooded, born and raised, pagan.
Re: a comment on The Populous by durr_T_hip_E	23-Mar-05/10:56 AM
Thanks for the observation Dovina... I've been on several poetry sites over the last five years and am familiar with the muck kicked up from the bottom of the gene pool. To respond, even though I shouldn't, to zodiac: 1) I made a comment that stated that DAPI was proving my point correct, which you have also joined in supporting; I don't need to do anything to prove myself correct when your behavior and speech do it for me. For me to b self-righteous, I would need to believe that my behavior is a model example for you to follow and I would also need to believe it was my duty to change you. Neither of those requisites are present here. In fact, I'd prefer you go about your way as you have been so that we can all see who the real righteous one is. 2) If the reader gets lost, well, I take partial responsibility; however, it probably means they should pay closer attention. God may not call things "bollocks" in that particular context. However, my reference was to the fact that, according to the faithful, it is God and God alone that has the authority to pass judgment. God, symbollically meaning the ultimate of all truth and knowledge, is the only entity that has the capacity to label a thing as truth or falsehood - humans like us fall short due to our inability to hold all knowledge. 3) The intellectual capacity thing is called sarcasm and exaggeration or rhetoric. As far as me being cogent, well, that goes back to a long line of argument which only ends in us, at this point, concluding that you believe you have the cogent perception/argument which also leads us to conclude, since you are here trying to change my behavior with your "better" way or "better" argument, that YOU, zodiac, are the righteous one, taking it upon yourself to police these boards and set those "fools" straight in their perception. To take on your tone in reply to your assertion that DAPI can "argue, reason, communicate in English, type, and do anything else related to posting comments about other people's "unbelievable waffle" better than any Ethiopian, child or not," well, you are a keen observer of the obvious, but, again, a not so keen observer of sarcasm and rhetoric. Rather, you are the type of person who takes things literally almost all the time and probably whines to his mother any time someone hurts him with some callous comment. 4) Who's the pompous, pretentious, arrogant, and self rigteous one? In closing...I'm done responding to this childish crap...if you wish to continue about normal relations like an adult...if you wish to make this site a productive site that people enjoy...I suggest you grow up. peace, sean
Re: a comment on Reasonably Good by Dovina	22-Mar-05/4:49 PM
I do.
Re: a comment on The Populous by durr_T_hip_E	22-Mar-05/4:23 PM
Well...at least you're doing a fine job of proving me correct; less work for me... btw...no...not usually <<<------answer to your other post questioning whether or not i perceive my words to be "bollocks." i do, however, think to myself when i run into the likes of you, "good Christ, he thinks he's God, we better not talk." i also think that if you think it's all "unbelievable waffle," that you probably have the intellectual capacity of your average college student in america, which is the same as the average 4 year old child in ethiopia. good luck with your righteousness. peace, sean
Re: Poems for devolution by richa	22-Mar-05/3:33 PM
You got the lucky 7 from me for creativity in word choice; I noticed when reading the comments that you wished to convey the idea of the narrator being involved in petty conflict - well done... your message is nearly crystal clear, and would be if it was known (from the poem) that you are British, otherwise it just seems like the narrator is some average joe who has beef with scotland for, of all reasons, climate and topography. good work peace, sean
Re: a comment on The Populous by durr_T_hip_E	22-Mar-05/3:08 PM
it seems to me, primarily because the critique of this work is an opinion and obviously subjective, that your comment is directed towards me. i'm more than curious as to what lie you believe i have told? prior to signing up on this site, my original thoughts upon reviewing it were as follows, "way too much ego floating around this site" "way too much bad poetry on this site" "way too many people who think they know what perfection is" "not enough constructive criticism/feedback" your comment has me picturing you perceiving yourself as sitting upon a cloud looking down upon all the feeble people below as though they were put there for your amusement... i'd like to hear a dick's version of truth and reality, so why don't you include that in your next constructive comment so we can create more "asymmetry of conversation." peace, sean
Re: a comment on Reasonably Good by Dovina	22-Mar-05/2:57 PM
This is precisely what i mean by saying that any other conclusion leads to misuse of language so as to justify reality... what seems to you, simply is not. the only magical property that truth contains is that it is not able to be misinterpreted. truth is only truth when properly communicated lest we seek for our meaning to be lost. it is definitely not a prerequisite to discovery that we have preconception of discovery at all; such a conclusion is the perfect examply of warping language so as to justify false reality - your practical example of antithesis? -adam and eve having no knowledge walk around an unfamiliar world having no idea of a thing called fruit and stumble upon (discover) a thing called an apple tree. they were not looking for any thing in particular, in fact, they weren't seeking out any individual thing at all, yet, they made a discovery with absolutely no preconception of anything at all except for maybe the fact that they might exist in reality...and even that, even today, is not a total truth; whether you accept that or not. in reality, i would define truth as more of a marble in a pitch black room; those who slip and fall on it usually can't find where it rolled to after they get back up...I see you're still on the ground assuming that you can describe the thing that made you fall. at any rate, i'd love to sit down over coffee and let you discover the reality of what i think, but it appears you already have some preconception of what i am, so, despite the fact (in your reality) that you are seeking me through your preconception of what i am, i doubt you'll discover what's inside because you've already deflected me off your closed mind. peace, sean
Re: a comment on stab in the dark by not_a_philosopher	22-Mar-05/2:46 PM
because any religion (perhaps the universalists are the exception) requires a submission to faith which requires acceptance of illogical and unreasonable "truths." Even atheism requires that one submit oneself to accepting that which "might" be...the only logical and reasonable conclusion when questioning the existence of God, or gods, or whatever, is that we will probably never know whether or not there is a god. Any other conclusion requires us to fool ourselves into using our language incorrectly so as to justify our reality. After reading your first reply and desiring more for meaning, I read some of your previous posts. I am left wondering, after what seems like a long history of constructive criticism, why you choose to be overly vague and aggressive in your posts today? peace, sean
Re: Tribulations of the ear and eye by oneglove	22-Mar-05/12:53 PM
Good...very good overall... nice approach; i like how you maintained mystery in meaning until the last few lines. i love the perspective, very creative, unique...and, i love the message. Here's why you got an 8 instead of a 10...you, are obviously a poet, and a decent one at that; yet, at least in this piece, your eyes and ears are not poets - the propositions within the quotes are the bulk of the foundation, yet, the things that break your rhythm as we read it...my only suggestion, if you were looking for any, would be to play with the things you have the eyes and ears saying to see if you can smooth them in with the rest of the vervish beat. peace, sean
Re: a comment on The Populous by durr_T_hip_E	22-Mar-05/12:46 PM
LOL...thanx for the feedback...much appreciated...i don't usually title my poems, "the populous" just popped in my head when i went to post it here... as far as conceptual value...well, i guess that depends on our individual value systems. obviously, no generalization can apply to every single individual on the planet...this poem is my attempt to describe most of the people who have graced my existence - imperfect, yet, perfect, innocent and always shooting for more... punctuation, well, whatever - this was originally published in a quarterly journal with punctuation - i recently started playing with some old poems and removing punctuation for presentation and effect - i guess i know how it's perceived in this piece! as far as something personal, well, i'm sorry my words failed to set off any associations in your memory... better luck next time.. thanx for the critique, peace, sean