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Vestigial Tail (Free verse) by zodiac Things we believed as children are all true:
we're robots, basement science. Flesh and bone
stretched past its present borders once when we
were tendriled on an amneotic sea.
But slow to learn. Now Girly's laughing, bony
hand pressed to her face, says - God, oh you
would have to've known, how could you not have known?
She shakes like cream. When the truth is, I knew.
Bathed in a kitchen sink, my mother dragged
soapsuds to shape me: her nose, a father's chin,
all secondhand and mentionless (except
that keyhole scar - where they wound me while I slept.)
So taught my hands to pass it, bound me in
a skin. But I was feral once, and snag-
toothed prowled my natal landscape like a djinn.
Oh, its ghost I feel now - it's waving like a flag.
Up the ladder:
Foray
Down the ladder:
Another quarter.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.2
Posted: March 23, 2005 4:51 AM PST; Last modified: March 23, 2005 4:51 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.5006523 Overall Rank: 2678 Comments:
332 view(s)
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the only other thing i would suggest taking a look at are the associations you're attempting to connect, primarily because they're not connected well at all in the piece... i believe i see where you're headed with this and you can turn this into a true ten once you treat the mild case of schizophrenia this piece has; tighten up the associations with your powerful descriptive word choice and it would get a 9 from even me.
peace,
sean
Which of the following associations would you guess I'm trying to make:
a) The narrator has just discovered he's gay, or
b) The narrator has just discovered he has an abnormally large circumsized cock?
I have to say, though I'm rooting for b), I suspect a).