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Narnia Apocalypse

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Mar 2005 · 2 comments

After she left Her hairs remained On pillows Indented from her sleep, And my loneliness awakens In a cotton coral next to heckling silence. Her empty wardrobe. Leads my thoughts to Narnia. To be young enough to dream, Yet this head is old And like Narnia I am cold, Following the footsteps of Edmund Laughing at statues Fat on Turkish delight Yet hollow as a Russian doll. Stars no longer help me sleep. The moon is just a sunlit rock. God is a cure for those in denial, And Narnia just a story An empty pine wardrobe With glockenspiel hangers singing my loss. And what of me? What am I? I am a photo Face down on the mantel A face to sicken you A memory like all memories Forgotten so it hurts less.

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2 comments

[6] durr_T_hip_E 23-Mar-05/11:58 AM Reply

I like the idea, i can relate to the feelings and emotive qualities of many of the lines...the first 2 stanzas, i think, could use a little tidying up to help the flow...although it's not a big obstruction to flow or comprehension, you might consider revising the first stanza so that the past and present tense are either seperated or made to work together...

i like the adjectives in the 3rd and 4th stanzas quite a bet, and especially like the metaphor of the 4th...the 1st and 2nd, again, could use a little more spice in description...(the hair on pillow thing is pretty cliche, I read two poems yesterday with the same exact idea in almost the same exact words)

Good piece, i hope it doesn't hurt anymore if you are the I referred to!

peace,

sean

[6] durr_T_hip_E › durr_T_hip_E 23-Mar-05/11:59 AM Reply

i like the adjectives in the 3rd and 4th stanzas quite a BIT...(sorry my fingers suffer from dyslexia)